Relapsed after 4 days

Hi fringe.

I know its hard but you must take it as early days while you are learning. its not so much that you slid down the snake to square one but its a case of learning and realising how strong the blocks have to be especially online.

In a sense this wasnt a real test because the blocks were wide open. Now you must become proactive in extending them to everywhere you can possibly think of. You need K9 blocker stc and this stage is actually your mind being scared of taking all these steps. I spent 10 months not fully ready to take the proper measures to stop. Please dont let it be that long and you must consider telling people close and taking steps like making sure you cant use your card for depositing money.

It does take a lot and there is no point beating yourself up over this until you have put some much stronger measures in place. You are not alone in having a relapse. Relapses will happen if there are ways in.

Its a strong addiction and works in powerful ways. The addiction will fight you in the early stages. We all know that feeling of doing it again then having to explain the dark sinking feeling afterwards.

Yes as you say you do need to focus. It would be an invaluable help if people close could help you focus and that involves telling them.

There is no shame in reaching out for all the help on offer....the forum is great but it must be used with other blocks and help

Best wishes from everyone

Fringe I put myself in exactly the same spot. You're worried you will spend the rest of your money chasing what you've lost? Give it to someone else immediately, it's going to start to feel like you've already "written it off" and it will start to feel like a burden.
I did it last week. Said I was worried I might gamble and the next minute I'm logging off here and feeding a roulette machine.

Beating this is hard. This is probably my fifth or sixth attempt and I don't think ive ever quite managed a full month. Wanting to beat it is a massive step though. Close those last doors with a good solid gambling blocking software.

Appreciate your help. I would be lieing if I didn't say I feel scared if putting all the blockers. Believe me this isn't because I don't want to stop, i suppose it's hard to change a habit I've had for over 10 years. My brain is struggling to accept I can't have 'one small bet' or control myself. But this is the reality and I need to accept it. My wife has found out in the past when I once came clean and told her, I'm scared of her reaction and losing my family (especially at this time of year). I am back to Day 1, still feeling distraught after yesterday. No real urges this morning. I will look into the software now. I know deep down that would be a massive step for me as a start. Thanks for the advice.

Appreciate your help. I would be lieing if I didn't say I feel scared if putting all the blockers. Believe me this isn't because I don't want to stop, i suppose it's hard to change a habit I've had for over 10 years. My brain is struggling to accept I can't have 'one small bet' or control myself. But this is the reality and I need to accept it. My wife has found out in the past when I once came clean and told her, I'm scared of her reaction and losing my family (especially at this time of year). I am back to Day 1, still feeling distraught after yesterday. No real urges this morning. I will look into the software now. I know deep down that would be a massive step for me as a start. Thanks for the advice.

You have some big questions fringe and some real soul searching

Whats worse?...... telling your wife and getting your pride and dignity back....or continuing with an addiction that you know has cost you dearly and is out of control?? Make no mistake..gambling ruins people and destroys lives

There comes a moment when you know its so right to be gamble free. Have you reached that moment yet? Youve had heavy losses and know the desperately low feeling of wasting money you cant afford to throw away. You have handed your pride and self respect to the gambling industry. Its time to get control of your life back.

Do you think its all going to come right tomorrow? with your history of compulsive gambling?...youve got odds on the only four legged horse have you? You know it doesnt work like that and they have teams of people setting odds heavily against you. I was gambling on the worst thing which is machines because my head was in the clouds of escape

You know its wrong and a bad addiction. If you have a loving realtionship your wife will want to know and support you in this. Try justifying what you have done in counselling or a GA meeting and they will see the immense problem you have. Hopefully you will want to make it history

I can assure you that being gamble free is a wonderful feeling of freedom.

Its a born again moment and will save the quality of your life

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

It's 10pm, I have relapsed again this evening. I just don't know what triggers it off, I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to quit, maybe I'm not ready to quit? My brain is scrambled. I'm feeling very low today which may have led to the relapse. I am calling gamcare for advice in the morning. I don't really know where else to turn. Part of me thinks subconsciously I need to 'hit rock bottom' And lose some more until I learn but I know that I am digging a bigger hole. This addiction is so hard to beat. 1 day I lasted, how can I be so weak?

I feel shameful and a let down to my family, i am low on funds which will make my wife suspicious if I ask for financial help, I am worried she will walk away from me if I come clean. What do I do/where do I turn. One email offering a bonus and I lose £150 in 2 hours, why?

My head is a mess, won't sleep, back tomorrow to try again.

You know you need to stop but you are actually not ready to stop.

Im not having a go at you but that is the reality you need to face. There are stages and really you just want to stop losing. we see quite a few people like this on the forum and its so sad to see the addiction with such a grip. They post a couple of times and I desperately hope they are acting on the advice. Its a deadly addiction in the way it promotes the chasing behaviour

Its your money and we cant make you stop. You must reach out and I hope you can tell your wife because she deserves to know

We often say that it takes a desperate low sometimes. You maybe still in a zone where you think you can handle it, Be honest though how muchg more money do you think you can lose before you realise that chasing makes it ten times worse.

Please ring gamcare as many times as you like. There isnt much more I can say other than I hope you begin to focus on the reality of gambling and act on blocking it from your life

Best wishes

Morning and welcome to the forum , firstly I'm not having a go or judging you, but offering support. There is an old quote and it is very true, it goes like this, you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink! You can and will get lots of support and advice on this site but you do need to do some work yourself and put those blocks in place if you really want to get back control of your own life and money. For me what took so long to finally realise I needed help and to stop was to draw a line under the money lost and it was thousands and thousands, do some soul searching and find out what triggered it off. I used to read posts on here about light bulb moments, fog lifting etc., believe me it does happen, I feel so much better without gambling in my life I'm never going back to that dark place. There is only one winner when you gamble and whilst you may have small or even large wins the house knows it will get it back and more that's why they offer 100, 150 or even 250 free money. So come on decide if you want to keep flushing your hard earned money down the toilet or not and make 2017 gamble free. Set dates to achieve such as 1 week, 3 weeks etc., they soon mount up and it does get easier. Best wishes to getting free from the clutches of this evil soul destroying addiction x

Thanks for the advice. Today I have money available and have chosen not to gamble, made it through the day fairly comfortably. I am taking it one day at a time. Joy divider your comment above claiming 'you have seen many like me' and 'I'm not ready to quit' has actually motivated me even more so I thank you. My journey to quit won't be easy but it's the road I have to take for a better future. I know that and I am determined to prove this to myself. I have excluded all online accounts, a good place to start. I am trying to keep busy to avoid boredom, often my downfall. I am a big believer in 'mind over matter' so i am trying yo change my brain/mindset to prevent myself from gambling.

Is it possible to recover alone through will power? I'm not sure, everyone is different but right now that's my approach along with adding barriers to prevent myself from this habit. Frankly I am sick of giving the bookmakers my hard earned cash. Gambling has beaten me, I accept it.