New here, avoided coming for a while, but am being given an ultimatum of sorts by a loving, but overly frustrated and running out of patience family/girlfriend.
I started off playing poker at Uni back in 2007, learnt the game quickly, and was soon addicted. As time progressed, this moved into casino games/sports betting - both forms of gambling I promised I wouldn't be involved in as I didn't consider them "skill" games, and you didn't have an "edge."
The painful truth about addiction, is that you will find every excuse to tell yourself you're not. As I sit here, I am still convinced in a way that I'm not, but the painful reality is I never have any money, sometimes as quickly as on payday, it can all be gone. I then take high interest loans to give myself credit for the month, but these end up going the same way.
I have been bailed out several times by my father, who is set to retire next year, and yet despite the clean slate, the cycle continues. I have been able to quit in the past for periods of time, and then in the space of 1/2 hours, be drawn in by something small, that culminate in losing everything.
In the last 6 to 9 months, it has become so bad that I do not feel normal unless it is all gone. I'm addicted to losing. About 2 months ago, I won a fair amount, and was in, for the first time in a long time, a healthy financial position. This changed nothing. The money was sitting there but I could not spend it, it had to be gambled. Money was no longer a necessity to live, it had become a necessity to feed the addiction.
I have run out of excuses. I lie to my family, friends, and girlfriend to hide my losses. I am a gambling addict who cannot control my actions. I can't go on like this. The truth comes out eventually, and the reality is that if I do not beat this addiction, they will all lose faith in me.
Any feedback appreciated. Bit of a long entry, I appreciate it a lot if you've read this far.
Thank you, Mr Helpless.
Hello Mr Helpless - I was a bit worried by your use of the word 'ultimatum' in your first paragraph as it looked as if you were not entirely convinced you had a problem. However I see from the rest of your post that you do admit that gambling has taken over your life and is having a destructive effect on you.
So welcome to the club! The first thing I should say is that you are not alone, either in your feelings about yourself or the strange behaviour patterns that compulsive gambling causes in us. That is a very common phenomenon - the desire to lose all one's money at a sitting. I think it's a way of punishing ourselves because we know deep down that what we are doing is stupid, reckless and possibly hurting others.
Now, what to do? Firstly you can self-exclude from any online sites you use, or any betting shops you frequent. If your gambling is mainly online then you can install blocking software such as K9 or Gamblok. K9 is free by the way. These two actions will drastically curtail your habits. If you use a phone for gambling I believe you can also take similar measures, but as I only use two tin cans joined by a piece of string for communication, I am not entirely sure about this.
Next, come on this site as much as you can.
Read other people's stories and see how gambling has come near to destroying their lives and those of their loved ones. Then resolve to change your life like many of us have. You seem a well-educated and articulate person - use these skills to support others by contributing to their Diaries and other posts - it's quite therapeutic to get things down in writing, even when you are advising others.
If you feel that you need other forms of counselling, then Gamcare can advise on GA meetings etc. I know many people have found these very useful.
Also, try to take up some other interests - what interested you before gambling took hold. There is such a richer, more fulfilling life waiting for you out there, with freedom from being a slave to gambling.
A useful thing to remember is "I cannot win because I cannot stop" - I think you have already sussed that one out already! But as I have said before, the stories here are inspirational. I am sure you can do this.
Best wishes for your journey.
Joanna
Well nothing is ever Helpless, Mr Helpless.
I had a severe gambling problem for 12 years but haven't gambled for the last six months. Like you I reached the stage that I couldn't face another year of living the way I had been.
I'm no expert but if I was in your position, I would:
- Gather your loved ones together and be completely honest about the extent of your gambling and the financial mess you are in.
- Hand over complete control of all your finances to a family member or partner. It's your money but choose someone you trust to manage your financial affairs for you.
- Draw a line and accept you can't recover the money you've lost, the past is gone.
- Cut off all access to credit or borrowing.
- Seek independent advice about your debts.
- Live life a day at a time and accept you can never gamble again, you are incapable of gambling normally.
- Get along to G.A meeting. And go back twice a week.
Your life will improve, day by day, if you stay away from a bet.
Don't do it for your girlfriend, or your family or your friends, do it for yourself.
Well nothing is ever Helpless, Mr Helpless.
I had a severe gambling problem for 12 years but haven't gambled for the last six months. Like you I reached the stage that I couldn't face another year of living the way I had been.
I'm no expert but if I was in your position, I would:
- Gather your loved ones together and be completely honest about the extent of your gambling and the financial mess you are in.
- Hand over complete control of all your finances to a family member or partner. It's your money but choose someone you trust to manage your financial affairs for you.
- Draw a line and accept you can't recover the money you've lost, the past is gone.
- Cut off all access to credit or borrowing.
- Seek independent advice about your debts.
- Live life a day at a time and accept you can never gamble again, you are incapable of gambling normally.
- Get along to G.A meeting. And go back twice a week.
Your life will improve, day by day, if you stay away from a bet.
Don't do it for your girlfriend, or your family or your friends, do it for yourself.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
