Sick with WORRY for last 3 days

Morning all.
End of a traumatic week.16 days GF ,lots of sport plus started a Yoga class 10 week programme.
Had my first one to one councelling session last night and start as a volunteer for a charity on Sunday.
Councelling ok but felt i knew a lot of my issue's that basically was confirmed to me.
Very strange thing happend just as i arrived at the session.I had the radio on and a news report came on about how football clubs junior web sites has links to their Gambling sponsors.This then led to an interview to a mother whos 24 year old son had been secretly betting since 17 and had eventually become so desperate he killed himself.
It felt like a message to me and also made me think how crazy all the premiership clubs now are plastered in gambling advertising.How can this be allowed but alcihol and tobacco be banned.Surely its become obvious gambling is just as toxic.

Home is still fractured and i know its early but i cannot see my wife excepting ive changed any time soon.The councellor recommended to give her space and dont contact my son yet after what happend.I feel stronger and more positive but at the same time full of sadness and remorse ive upset them so much.Just hope by keeping on with activities i can convince them thats it regarding the gambling.

DAY 21 GF and still feel positive and optimistic going forward but i am desperate to know how to get my wife to believe how much i want her with me .The last 2 weeks have been pretty awful between us as everytime i try to explain ive changed and try to discuss the things now in place that are helping me she gets very angry.
This morning niether of us could sleep so i innocently asked was she ok.She went beserk and also started screaming how could i be so calm and basically said she had told me all the councellor had but why was it i was suddenly taking action.Almost like she resents the help ive got and still wont look at Gam Care site to see why i now am changing for the better.
She now seems to link any past problems to me also and i know ive hurt her but i dont know what more i can do.

Morning all

Now on day 26 gf and only thoughts are how pathetic it was to lapse again causing such chaos for my wife and children.
I continue to move forward and have now lots to keep me busy with the sport and other hobbies now 3 weeks in but my wife still very distant and struggling to communicate with me.I know ony 3 weeks since i told her but feels like a life time.I just want to hold her and tell her i love her but at present i dont think i dare try as she seems to be avoiding me .Even in the same room together she will not really talk about anything,even hows your day been .
Still not talked with my son and hes now found a place of his own .My daughter is more understanding of what im doing to fix things and encouraging me to keep going .I feel so empty and cannot imagine what they must feel but given the chance i will make up for the horrible person i became the last 2 years.Like a bad nightmare but you wake up and realise you created it

Greetings my friend and many thanks for posting on my diary.

You and your family have certainly been to hell and back due to your gambling addiction but you are doing what you can to remedy the situation and that is what counts now. It is understandable that family members reacted with anger and I can understand your son giving you a whack out of frustration and anger. However, it is good that they are now giving you support and encouragement which will help in your recovery. You are doing what you can in being honest, handing over the finances, blocking yourself from gambling sites and looking to engage in more wholesome pursuits.

What's done is done and can't be undone. Trying to make amends and remedy the situation is good but dragging guilt and remorse around forever, that doesn't help at all. Wishing you well on your journey...stephen

Thanks Stephen
Im afraid after taking either total indifference or constant picking at everything i do i could not keep quiet any longer tonight.I basically have told my wife if she cannot see my actions are speaking louder than words and that both my children are suppoting me,we cannot go on like this.Weve been together 38 years since kids but theres no point in us both being misrable everyday.I want to make a go of it but i think its over.I only started binge gambling less than 3 years ago and it was a direct result of stress and depression.I dont think she has ever understood the dark place i found myself and though i tried to explain many times the issues she obviously felt let down .
I think the issues go beyond the last couple of years but i cannot get her to talk to me.
Feeling very low tonight but now have much better coping mechanisms ,this being one of them.
Thanks for your message and i hope you keep well and happy