Sick with WORRY for last 3 days

Joining this forum is about finding yourself as is attending a GA meeting or speaking with the doctor/a counsellor.

The reaction of your family seems very strong and harsh...would they rather you had lied to them which is no good for anybody including yourself?

This is not just you being silly or greedy with money...its classed as an addiction. I know they are upset but they would be better listening to you further and trying to understand just some of this addiction.

Im sure you didnt set out to hurt them as gambling makes a crazy sense to an addict.

Any hitting is common law assault and you dont deserve that sort of treatment. Im not saying you are going to take it any further but hitting people is just not on. What you talk about on this forum is theraputic for you and you can keep some of this private from others. Forgive me but are there other relationship issues or is the gambling just too much for them to take in at the moment?

The advice here is tried and tested...we only recommend what is right. Your family may need counselling over this and I do hope you can stay together and work things out. I wont avoid the issue that you may or may not need time apart

If you have told people and suggested ways you will block and restrict access to money...that is a great step...you cant do much more at this early stage.

You should not be feeling more lost so confusion reigns at present.

All the help and counselling is very important now...even a chat with the doctor is very helpful as they can refer you on to counselling.

Many people understand the problem so you are not lost

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

When you feel able to and when appropriate, maybe can you explain to your family that the forum is anonymous? We could walk past yourself and your family in the street and not know who you are. I'm only on day 7 but couldn't have got this far without this site. Its important for you to be able to express how you feel or else how can you work through the situation?

You need to recover for yourself first and foremost which is doing what you need to do to keep on track. If that involves visiting a forum so be it. Keep going doing all you are doing. I hope that in time they will see you are committed to recovery and maybe seek some family support so they can gain some understanding. It strikes me that nothing you could do right now is right because they feel disappointed, let down, angry etc. As hard as it is try and be accepting of that and if you need impartial views, well the forum, the counselling etc is all there.

Come back and keep us updated, I would love to hear how the counselling call went since I am waiting for a similar appointment myself.

Been interested in this thread and felt the need to respond.

I really hope you get the help needed if you genuinely want to stop. Telephone counselling is good but there is a lot more you can do in meantime, register with Gamstop, attend GA, get wife to change password to laptop.

Gamstop registration should be every problem gamblers first thing they do if they want to stop.

In terms of being 'assaulted', I personally think if somebody stole from me I would be extremely hurt and angry. It might sound harsh but it's a consequence of YOUR actions.

I have done terrible things to loved ones and deserved everything I got from them.

Part of recovery for me is accepting what I have done and dealing with the consequence.

I wish you luck but please get help if you want to beat this horrible addiction.

Already done all those things and know nearest ga meeting tomorrow

Good man.
Its horrible, wouldn't wish this upon anybody but we can get better.

Good luck

Loopy Lou.Nothing to fear about the counselling.A lot of what you hear you will know in your heart already.She identified that my Gambling started as triggers from personal events but has become a dangerous unhealthy coping mechanism and also to fill these times with getting out and speaking more at those times to a friend or trusted family member.
Said I was aware of my issues and pleased with steps I've already taken .Strongly recommends I go to GA meetings as it's a good support and also another positive action to my family.
On a brighter note my daughter has arranged we all go out for breakfast Sunday so we can talk but being in a public place all keep calm.
Day 8 no desire to hide in a roulette wheel.

Daz78.
Thanks for your message of support.
Biggest issue for me now is more that this is now always in my wife and children's memory going forward in life. I want them to remember the non gambler me before I did this the last 2 years.
If I stay free from now on which is my 100% target will they eventually except this period of time as an illness I recovered from and be able to love/ trust me again.
All the best with where ever you are in your journey

Great to hear.
My children and family still have the memories and it does occasionally get bought up.
My children are 9 and 7 and get anxious if we are to go past a bookmakers or see gambling on tv. Very upsetting.
I went to rehab 18 months ago for 4 months. One slip but all good. Still difficult but i have the coping mechanisms and tools in place

Hope the breakfast went well Lost and you all managed to have a good talk about things.

Hi lost I just read your post on signalman's diary. I'm so sorry that your honesty brought out the worst. It sounds like your family are completely clueless about addiction. They are in denial. You are the person they can 'blame' for the mess. Whatever you feel and think about 'blame' their reaction is not ok. I was that person, I had no clue what compulsive gambling meant. There was a lot of anger in our house in the early years. Once I dealt with how I felt, counselling and gamanon meetings, things became calmer. Your wife and son are in denial. The best way forward is help, same as you. If they don't seek help they will not understand or change. I went to gamanon before my husband went to GA the last time I found out. A counsellor will not tell your wife how she feels, they will help her understand why she feels that way. Give strategies to cope. Many wives don't see it as their problem and just rely on the gambler to seek help. The gambler changes but the wife remains stuck. Until the time your wife sees the problem she has she will remain angry. I didn't want to be that angry person anymore, I found out all I could about addiction. I hope your wife realises that coming here and talking helps you . None of us can do this alone. Unfortunately these situations don't get better by themselves. I hope things are improving.

Thankyou

Thanks for your advice ALN.
I did not get the GA meeting but everything else in place.
I chose to start a course as well as volunteering for a good cause mostly weekend involvement.
I also play a sport one day a week .
I had a telephone councelling session through Gam Care and have a face to face session this Friday so up to now positive in my progress.I made the decision to also stop drinking in the home on my own as another way to block triggers .I used to drink wine normally 2 bottles over the week but it was one on a wednesday one at the weekend so another similar binge pattern to the way ive gambled.
Now 14 days clear and to be honest no impulses or thoughts on the gambling front.

Just hope things improve at home as still no real communication and my wife just avoiding me when we are at home together .I know its only a week since i told her so its going to be a long time if ever that she excepts this time is so differant in that ive taken all the steps to stop.
When i explained this and the fact ive now got no access to any money as no cards etc her response was she doesnt want to be with a man she has to child mind and i should be trusted to have my own money.
Im hoping she will look differant ly at this as the months go by and this was a bad memory that i finally moved on from .

Day 15 and feel positive abour my journey ahead and this has now dawned on me that this situatìon is more about depression in the past and how to work to become a better person. I fully accept how i have let my wife and children down with how stupid i have behaved when in the grip of my demons.
The problem now is if it is too late.
My wife is very angry at last weeks lapse and that due to my son getting involved as he heard our conversations and ended up lashing out at me.He has stayed at his girlfriends since and he and i have not spoken since.
My daughter came to lunch with us and is more calm but this morning my wife has screamed at me how ive damaged everyone and she hates me.
She also said how im so calm and self righteous since i started in this site and as soon as i mentioned i need to stay that way and focus on going forwards with all the new activities i am now doing she exploded.When i said please speak to someone herself she got the angriest i have seen her.
I am determined to see this as a moment of truth and if she decides shes had enough then i will still move forward .I need to do this with or without her and i feel dreadful for the hurt and pain i have caused but i can now only change the future.

I Try to explain how ive had an illness and am doing something about it but i made the mistake of trying to talk about some of the factors that started this.Me losing my job,family illness on my family side.How i felt we had become distant excepting my depression 2 years ago when this all kicked off

I read this as if there are other emotional and relationship issues.

The correct angle is this...any trust lost is a price worth paying in the face of a full on gambling addiction. When I was truly ready to seek help I was glad to be monitored and have access to higher levels of cash shut down. The trust is a price worth paying and it does return with pride..maybe not full trust but you want that as there is no room for any complacency

I was glad and proud because the alternative was secrets and continued gambling. I was throwing away thousands every year and abstention with a full recovery has stopped that.

Your wife seems angry beyond this problem as difficult as it is. You should be aiming for a serenity and calmness. Self righteous is the wrong term and that should not be levelled at you....but it is as more of an insult I feel

Its as if your wife is jealous or confused that you are finding a new you. We were all humbled by this addiction and maybe she needs to understand more about it

Its a journey of discovery and appreciating new things. Keep talking it through. I may be wrong but it seems you have family that dont want to understand you are getting better. I also had family in past decades that refused to understand gambling addiction other than stupidity and just wanted to shout at me.

Your wife seems to be taking it as a personal insult that she may need to talk this through with others. I UNDERSTAND the pain gambling causes but you are now doing the right thing

I hope your relationship blossoms again but the bottom line is that you do move forward with or without someone who cant deal with it

Best wishes from everyone on the forum