Hello folks. I finally took the plunge today and realised that my gambling has to end forever right NOW. In the past year I have racked up £36,000 worth of debts on credit cards and loans. The low point was today realising that out of my salary of £1,780 which I got paid yesterday, I was already into my overdraft and had less than £300 to last me the whole month. I tried to get a loan to get out of this awful situation, but since I have gained so much debt in such a short space of time and maxed out all my credit cards, I was turned down by 4 different banks. Not even my own bank would help. They said that I had too many transactions going to Gibraltar or Malta and even asked if I realised that in one day I had spent over £1,000. It got so bad that I even thought of selling my son's games console. I just felt so so numb and couldn't figure a way out. In the end I had to tell my parents (the shame of it at the age of 41). I had a few thousand in a bank account but it was in their savings and earning better interest, so without telling them about my problem I wouldn't be able to get hold of it. My mum went absolutely crazy with me because this happened about 7 years ago and I had to use all my pension savings and sell my house to pay off my debt. I couldn't even tell her the amount of debt I was in this time because I knew it would be too much for her to handle. So even now I don't feel relieved because she thinks I will be debt free if I use my savings but will still have £31,000 worth of debts. My gambling problem reared its ugly head again about 18 months ago. I would literally go online and play bingo every single night and hardly ever win. Then I realised that these sites also had slots, and then the problems began. It started with £1 a spin and I would win about £50 max which I was happy with, but then I got greedy and started to bet higher and higher until I was spinning £10 a spin. Some days I would win hundreds but would go back the next night and lose it all and more. In the end I was only playing for a big win and wouldn't even bank £500 because I didn't think it was enough. Even when I banked £1,800 and promised myself I would stop, I went back the next day and lost £500 . I would stay up until 4am some mornings just to try and win back what I had lost, but would wake up with hundreds of transactions on my credit card statement. I felt sick and depressed. On the days I had big wins I was happy for the day, but by the evening I would be at rock bottom again. Today was the worst I have ever felt. I just wanted to sleep all day and never wake up. I'm on annual leave so the temptation to gamble was even worse. I can't even do fun stuff with my son over the Easter holidays because I have no money. I am determined to stop RIGHT NOW, but also scared that when I get my savings money to pay off a tiny bit of my debt I'll just blow it on the slots. I tried k9 before but I just used to go to the admin section and unclick to block gambling. I need to pick a password that I'll never remember. I just want to feel normal and happy again without the gambling websites taking over my life. The lows are a million times greater than the highs and I have to keep telling myself this. I also have to stop telling myself that I will stop after "one big win" because it never happens. The high of winning just makes me think that I can win more next time. I feel so much better for sharing my story. I just need help to make me quit forever and a way to repay my debts now. 41 and living back with parents just isn't cool. Any advice welcome or any similar stories. Xxx
Welcome to recovery 🙂
We cannot win because we cannot stop & similar stories...Only almost all of us (friends & family aside)! Have a read through some recovery diaries, you're not alone!
My damage wasn't done online but I told myself everyday 'enough was enough' spent hours reworking my budget sheet & the second I had time on my hands & my withdrawal limits had reset, off I went again. No point setting a password that you don't want to remember, get someone else to do it or type in some random characters & use the cut & paste!
You won't like it & there may be a million reasons why my advice is rubbish but the 1st bit would be to come completely clean & hope that your mum has the strength to support you through this (GamCare or GamAnon can help her). Enlist her help in breaking your gambling (Time-Money-Location, remove one & you can't gamble) triangle by taking control of your finances. Don't let any of those 'savings' come into your hands because the voices telling you the big win is just round the corner are very persuasive.
You've been on this downward spiral for a long time now & counselling or GA may help you find your happy ever after!
Your son doesn't have to miss out on Easter, if you can't get to a free museum or day out in your local area, I'm sure there will be a play park or woods nearby where you can use your imagination for free to have some quality time together!
I was 41 when I came looking for help, it's the new 21 & a great age to start recovery - ODAAT
Hi mate know how u feel. Been gambling for twenty odd years stopping and starting again . always been able to manage my debt until this year were i have blown 70 k online dont know how but it happened. Init deep now. So u might think your in alot debt but u can make it alot worse still . its a progressive disease so pack up now dont end up like me until its to late. I just need to tskr every day at a time and pray i dont lose my family snd home because of this.
Thanks both. It's good to hear from people who've been there and worn the t-shirt. Even today, after being adamant I would stop, the temptation to gamble is huge. Just "one more" £50 bet in case I can turn it into £500. I have resisted so far but I'm afraid that one day I'll be weak, win some money and then the buzz that I get will ake me start again. It's such an awful addiction. It's one particular game that gets me every time (foxin wins) and I wish I'd never even come across it. Literally like having a split personality where one half of me is determined to stop, but the other half shouts "go on, one more go won't hurt". Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Scouser, I feel your pain. As if it's not bad enough that I've wasted thousands of hours of my life, repaying debts for the next 10 years or so for something that I have nothing to show for is going to be a killer. Let's pray that this is as rock bottom as it can get.
Any 'wins' go back with more to boot & the 10 years you have now to repay debts will only increase if you continue to gamble. I had days where I'd get home after a heavy loss (exhausting trips to the cash point/bank/money back supermarkets), promising myself no more & realising I could raid the penny jar or 'borrow' money & within no time @ all be back reaping more destruction.
Don't worry about the tomorrow's, One Day At A Time take care of the todays choosing 'No' one second @ a time if you need to!
Hi ihateG,
I've lost thousands online sports betting. It's too easy to keep depositing on credit card. My last bet really hit home and I knew I had to change. (You can read my posts if you like).
You say you cannot tell your mother. Is there anyone else?
I told my wife I needed help, very difficult to do. Showed her all the debts. The heartache and tears of it all, mainly from me has hopefully made me stronger in my fight for recovery. I attend GA meetings that I enjoy, I feel better in my self that my secrets out. Talking about this awful addiction is a very positive step forward. So you've done well so far. Get something in place so you don't blow the money (which is yours) from your parents savings account.
Keep posting, if you gave o one call Gamcare, this was my first step.
All the best.
Hi, oh man my story is a mirror of yours. The bingo then the slots, the stakes getting bigger and bigger. I remember playing like 4 quid a spin and getting a few hundred quid from a bonus game, then doing 20 quid a spin and getting a bonus game thinking nice, it's gonna pay big only for it to give me 80 quid, WHAT A RIPOFF. It's designed to do this to make you angry and keep feeding it cash, it makes you feel that it's got to payout but it doesn't. 31k or 36k or whatever you've wasted is a large amount to write off but what are the choices? you have a son, a job, good parents, you've got a chance. I was around 30k in debt to loans, 6/7 years later the debts have gone and i've saved over 20k. If i can do it so can you, believe me i was up all night and then couldn't go to work because i felt so ill and just wanted to gamble until i had a big win, just the stress will kill you in the end, it's madness. Go to debt management company, get your debts sorted into a payment you can make each month that still allows you to live, then start living cos right now you're in a state of depression. IT WILL PASS, that feeling will go if you abstain. Gamblock is around £55, but well worth it. Also get a cash card from your bank and cut up the debit/credit cards, then ask the bank to drop the limit from £300 a day to £100., it means you can only get cash from the hole in the wall machine. I wish you luck but don't give in, if i can do this you can, it's hard but also try and get to a GA meeting, people there will understand you.
Thanks orbits. Good to know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I know what you mean about getting a bonus round when you've spun on a £20 bet. I did it too and was so excited thinking I would get thousands, but I got about £150. Yes, it makes you furious and for some some reason you DO think that the site owes you and that they'll feel sorry for you because you've lost about £500 that particular day : do they &£@£ !!! They couldn't give a monkeys toss if you'd lost a million quid. It's only mow in the cold light of day when I'm not sat there pressing "spin" mindlessly in my own little bubble that I can see this. I need to get a grip. I'm a mum, and have a responsible job at work. I just need to be responsible with my money now. On the plus side, this is day one of not gambling for over a year ( sometimes I would log on about 5 times in the day: even at 6am before work.). It's gambling that's made me depressed and zapped all my energy. So nice to be able to vent with like-minded people:) THanks for any messages of support x
Hi , i hategambling... you are not alone with this terrible addiction, as you see there is 1000s and 1000s of us.
The online world is the worst of them all for us CG. we slip out of normal reasoning and keep pressing the d**n button. My main posion was roulette in the bookies and the the odd time in a casino . But i had mad splurges online as well,they were truly uncontrollable , i remember one night i lost £8000 in the space of 2 hours.Maxed that cc ... crazy when i think of it now , when im here nowadays trying to ekk out a living on a tight budget.
Main thing now is too block ,get rid of the CC ... cutting them up(as i did) and ask for help here and or GA . Read the forums and share youre story and feelings .We are all in the same boat here ,us CG and you will find plenty of support .
YOU are not alone !
Yes your right lostsoul. I use to the bookies regular got into some debt over the years maybe 10 or 20 k. Stopped gambling for quite a while then late last year started the roullete online and lost 50k in a hour its invisible money but when the reality kicked in i new i was in deep trouble got a lovely wife and two young kids and now im trying to hold it all together somehow. Wife let me put thr money on morgagte unbelievable. But thrn two months later when i was drunk i gambled another 17k on my cards. So now im really struggling. Not much sleep. High anixety and the guilty after been givin another chance is unbearable. How can u ever start to like yoirsrlf again after all this feel like im just s******g on everbody around me that i trully love and not sure in the longterm were i will end up. No family and know life its scarey.and theres only one person to blame . life can be hard enough with ups anf downs without making it so hard for yourself. Theres alot of people on here devasted that thry owe a few thousand pounds a few years ago i was one of them people but belive me it can get a hell of alot worse and i just dont know how my story will end .
Hi Everyone,i am new to the site, well new to admitting i have a problem really. My story is so similar to many of yours, although i havent racked up as much debt i feel if i carry on the way i am it could happen. My gambling started due to unhappiness,i would get a win and everything would be better but like so many of you i got greedy too quickly, its right you feel anger towards the site, putting more and more money on expecting it to pay out, surely ill get a bonus if i only put "....." on. Something i would tell myself on a day to day basis, but working out the amount of money you deposit to the amount you've won is often a sickening read. The worst part for me now is i thought i had put it all behind me, I've been in a happy relationship for almost a year now, the gambling was just a bit here and there. I had a relapse the other month and i was so racked with guilt i told my partner about it, he was so understanding which made me feel like the worst person in the world, i just wanted him to scream and shout, get angry at me because in my head i deserved it, I was so close to getting out of debt and i blew it. He helped me to ban all of my accounts and it worked for a good few months i was dealing with not gambling, but then out of the blue i saw an advertisement for a website and like a complete idiot i decided to sign up, now most of the big sites are very helpful with responsible gambling, often prompting you to set a deposit limit when you sign up but not this particular site. It started out as little amounts at first but of course i wouldnt win angering me more which resulted in depositing more. Im so dissapointed in myself, i was doing so well, so close to being out of debt and im ruining everything, i just keep thinking if i put more on, if i could just win "xxxx" i can finally be out of debt but i fear even when all my debts are gone it still wont be good enough, Im scared of telling my partner this even though he was so understanding about my relapse i just dont want this to affect my relationship as he really is the best thing to ever happen to me. I hope by signing upto this forum and talking to all of you with similar experiences i can finally kick this habit and put this all behind me.
Welcome ihategambling and chloe.
You've both taken an important step to acknowledge you have a problem and ask for help. There's a lot of good advice on this thread, and you can also get information and advice from our Helpline on 0808 8020 133. You can also chat to us online on the Netline if you prefer.
Chloe, you would be very welcome to start your own 'intro' thread - more people will see and respond to you that way. Just go to the intros section, scroll to the bottom and click 'new topic.'
Looking forward to hearing more from you both.
Best wishes
Forum Admin.
Thanks for all of the great advice half life. Day 2 of not using the stupid slots and already feeling the benefits. My mood is so much more stable and I didn't wake up with that sinking feeling this morning due to wasting a ton of money that I don't really have. It's totally irresponsible for these companies to allow credit cards. I know that we (as gamblers) should be responsible for our own wagering, but when it becomes a problem, self-control and rational thinking goes out of the window. Today alone, I had about 8 emails from gambling websites trying to tempt me with free spins, or to deposit money and get 100% bonus. Usually I would be straight in there, but now I can see that the whole thing is just one huge scam. One of the worst websites I have ever been on took so long to process my winnings that I ended up reversing the withdrawal and losing the lot (over £1000) in about 15 mins. It wasn't like real money, just some figures on a screen. It was only when I had lost it that the reality of what I could've done with that money sunk in. I will definitely be contacting step change to try and get my head around paying off my £36k somehow. Thank you to everyone for their positive contributions in this thread. I CAN DO THIS !!!!!
Good ihategambling , lets make today day 3 and tomorrow day 4 and so on ... Today we will not gamble . Good luck !
Scouser29 wrote: Yes your right lostsoul. I use to the bookies regular got into some debt over the years maybe 10 or 20 k. Stopped gambling for quite a while then late last year started the roullete online and lost 50k in a hour its invisible money but when the reality kicked in i new i was in deep trouble got a lovely wife and two young kids and now im trying to hold it all together somehow. Wife let me put thr money on morgagte unbelievable. But thrn two months later when i was drunk i gambled another 17k on my cards. So now im really struggling. Not much sleep. High anixety and the guilty after been givin another chance is unbearable. How can u ever start to like yoirsrlf again after all this feel like im just s******g on everbody around me that i trully love and not sure in the longterm were i will end up. No family and know life its scarey.and theres only one person to blame . life can be hard enough with ups anf downs without making it so hard for yourself. Theres alot of people on here devasted that thry owe a few thousand pounds a few years ago i was one of them people but belive me it can get a hell of alot worse and i just dont know how my story will end .
o*g...i hope you can stop gambling now because if you still love your wife and your children.Don't keep any credit card or any cash card and PayPal account must close.I believe i can control myself in gambling but in the fact NOT AT ALL.I don't know how to advice you actually because i got the problem at the same time.Shame...
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