Today is the day I must stop this.
Yesterday I got paid. Decided I would allow myself just 20 this week. Spent that. Moved sites, spent more, then more...I go into a sort of fog where I lie to myself that I am due a win. Surely they would not let me loose all this money?
I had a wonderful morning yesterday, planned to take my grandson out for the day and buy him lunch, a toy, play some games.
Last night when I went to bed and realised I had gambled all that money away and now was going to struggle for the rest of the month, I felt sick. I could not sleep, I was shaking.
I dare not tell my husband, although he does know I gamble on the net, but he has no idea how much I have lost over the past few months.
A couple of pay day loans to sort out, but luckily no major debt from this, my good salary has kept me from that, but if I carry on I will loose everything I have worked for.
Not sure how to quit. I just hoping blocking all the accounts will work.
My question is, do I tell my husband? He is a lovely man, but I am just so embarrassed.
Welcome to the site, I am new myself I signed up yesterday and have already had some great support. See this as a fresh start. Yesterday has gone today is a new day. A new start when it comes to gambling nothing will bring that money back.
Tell your husband. It's the best thing. I didn't tell my wife for 5 years and had accumulated about 15,000 worth if debt from my gambling. We are all in this together
All the best
Gazza
Hi Seanie
Welcome to this wonderful site that can be very supportive to you
Gazza is right as from now new beginning forget about losses they have gone and you won't get them back
If you keep chasing them hoping to win you will end up a lot worse than you are now
You can't win because you can't stop
My OH didnot know the full extent of my gambling he thought I was only putting 10 on now and then
Until 9th April whenhe he got the bank statement before me I should have told him before he sAw the damage not after
It's not easy to confess but if you don't he will find out and you could be in a lot worse debt by then
Well done for coming on here and even more well done if you can tell your husband
Take one day at a time there will be so much going on in your head right now
Think of today as anew beginning and everyday you don't play you have won that day
Use this site to put your own thoughts on it does help a lot read other peoples stories
Use your anger and despair to stop today I did in the first week and it helped me
I know it's hard but try not to deal with it all today take one day at a time we can get through this
Best wishes Suzanne x
Hi Seaniem4, welcome to the Forum and well done for posting what you have here; a very positive step.
Compulsive gamblers have to stop, zero tolerance, for the simple fact that you cannot guarantee how you will act or react on any given day; how many times do you spiral out of control when you promise yourself that you will have a small bet and walk away? Every now and again? One in five times? Every time? This is no judgement on you my friend - I gambled for twenty years before stopping over five years ago; for me, it was pretty much every time. Even after nineteen years of gambling, I will still trying to tell myself that I would be able to have a small bet and walk away; that is how powerful obsession is - it makes us want to believe the unbelievable.
With regards to telling your husband, you have two choices my friend: 1) Stop completely and work hard on resolving your finances, whilst hoping that he doesn’t find out of his own accord; this is very dangerous - if you read the “Friends and Family” part of this section, partners always find broken trust far, far worse than the amount of money that has been lost 2) You explain everything, but offer him a positive way forward - he is likely to be confused and upset, so explain what has happened, explain that you think you need help, and you plan to do something about it - you may find that telling him is the best thing you could of done because this is a very heavy burden to carry round on one pair of shoulders, plus, he may decide to help and possibly take control of your finances for the time being, and accompany you to GA if you wish.
Blocking software is a far more effective solution than closing your accounts my friend - there are some good ones out there like K9, Betfilter and Gamblock; if you decide to tell your husband, then I would make sure one of these is already installed so you can prove to him, almost straight away, that you are very serious about wanting to stop, zero tolerance.
You seem like a good person Seaniem4; gambling makes you do bad things and make bad choices - take gambling out of the equation and you would never have deprived your grandson a day out. The problem is that, after a while, this is all people see; you are better than that - you have discovered something in your life that you struggle to control, that is fine, but you have to accept that gambling is always going to be a form of mental poison to you.
Maybe there are gaps in your life that you use gambling to fill - when I stopped, I quickly realized that gambling never made me genuinely happy, win or lose - it was just a fleeting sensation with no sense of achievement, happiness or fulfilment; now, I take regular exercise, I do charity work, write, sing, go hiking and so much more. I got into debt that I can never feasibly pay back but that’s fine - money just isn’t that important when you are not gambling, and most of what I do costs little or nothing anyway.
Be strong, be positive my friend. Most people (myself included) come here when it is far, far, far too late - you have a chance to stop and turn your life around before you do any lasting damage to your finances, your physical and mental well-being, as well as the relationships you enjoy with those you love. Value that; cherish it and use it to take your life in a different direction my friend.
JamesP
Hi,
New user to the site. Its helping me so far. I lost a lot last night after going 6months without gambling. Tonight I was desperate to try and win it back but I Need to stop. I spoke to advisor and she helped me not turning that laptop on.
Big thanks to you guys, reading your posts helped me a lot as well. I keep thinking about that money I lost last night but now I know its gone and its the last funds I'll gamble again. I want do this so bad just need to get through the first few weeks.
Hi,
New user to the site. Its helping me so far. I lost a lot last night after going 6months without gambling. Tonight I was desperate to try and win it back but I Need to stop. I spoke to advisor and she helped me not turning that laptop on.
Big thanks to you guys, reading your posts helped me a lot as well. I keep thinking about that money I lost last night but now I know its gone and its the last funds I'll gamble again. I want do this so bad just need to get through the first few weeks.
Sorry for duplicate posts guys.
As someone who has had to come clean recently I would say open up to your partner about it. It's been the most difficult conversations we have in 17 years together but it's no longer my dirty little secret and once out there the problem can be worked on. It's not easy but my husband has surprised me so much with his support and understanding. Yes he was angry and felt betrayed but he is adamant that we are now in this together and I am now doing this not only for myself but for our relationship. Good luck x
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