Hi all,
I have had a serious gambling problem with on-line slots and casino's for the past 6.5 years.
It all started after a massive win in a casino followed by a much bigger win online, which slowly led into a destructive and almost life threatening situation. I used to enjoy going to the casino on an occasional night out but the entertainment value slowly and almost certainly led me into a collision course with dependancy/addiction, lies, deceipt, debt, lack of respect for myself and others.
I am totally and utterly ashamed of my behaviour and lifestyle, I was and still am in a professional career with excellent prospects, I was used to a very high standard of living but am now suffering the effects of the past 6.5 years of gambling by forever dodging creditors, stooping to borrowing money from pay day loan shops and by who and whatever means I can put my grubby hands on money.
I despise the person and life I am living now, I haven't gambled for a few day's but that is only because I have no money left. I still have bills to pay this month and I will undoubtedly be using my normal dodging tactics to get around paying them.
My close friend suggested I am in desperate need of help and advised me to go to GA. I attended my first meeting last week and the support I got was tremendous, it was good to talk and listen to people who are also affected by unbearable and gross illness (they told me it is a serious illness).
I have every intention to get my life back. From GA, I understand this is a lifelong illness and I have to show commitment and determination to stop. I also understand the practical steps I have to take and have already installed K9 on my PC and have had all access to the internet removed from my mobile. After attending the meeting, I went straight to the local casino's in my town and have requested to be self excluded from all. I know this is going to be a long, hard and difficult journey, but after speaking to my friend, husband and close family, they are all prepared to support me as long as I demonstrate my commitment to stop.
I will keep in touch with the forum and following further advice will start a recovery diary. I desperately want my life back, its not just the money, its the time, energy and attention I have paid to this sordid activity that I no longer want to be a part of.
Here's to the start of a better life and a more peaceful, honest and serene mind.
Rosie x
Dear Rosie
Well done for posting on the forum and for being so honest about how you feel.
You are not alone there is a huge community of people on this forum who understand what you are going through so please continue to post and you will receive advice, support and encouragement from others who can empathise with your situation.
You have taken steps to restrict your access to where you gamble by self-exclusion and installing blocking software. Some members of the forum also talk about just having a basic bank card (so not a debit card) so that they are unable to purchase anything online, as an added form of protection.
You may also want to get help with sorting out your financial problems by contacting a charity run organisation such as Step Change http://www.stepchange.org/ who can help with setting up debt management plans.
I am so glad that you have found G.A. many people have been able to turn their lives around by attending meetings and following its principles.
Please also feel welcome to talk things through with a GamCare adviser on 0808 8020 133 or on our netline, (if you haven't already). The advisers can provide emotional support and helpful information, as well as facilitate referrals to one to one counselling appointments if you'd like to access that service as well.
I wish you all the best on your journey to recovery.
Forum Admin.
Well done Rosieday, you've made a great start.
The best way to help your family is to attend the meetings and to talk, there's a long period of confusion to come for them while the new you emerges, the money isn't the important thing, the people are.
Well done, keep talking.
Rosie you have made a great start one by coming on here and two attending meetings which a lot of people just cannot do.
I have never attended ga before but from what I hear and if you let them they will put you on the right path , have you started a diary of your recovery ?
Well done Rosie a really great start. Accepting how you tried to tackle addiction wasnt working for you & trying new solutions shows real commitment
Dan x
Hi Rosie,
Well done on joining the site, I wish you all the best over coming this illness, i know how much of a struggle it is. My problem is with roulette, its slowly taking over my life, But today i decided to come back to the site and try and kick this once and for all. I not really in a position to offer any advice as i cant even follow my own advice, let alone offer it to anyone else. But i do wish you all the best with your journey.
Hi Rosie,
I had a reasonable career but the "bug" got a hold on me.
Been though a s**t load of the stuff you mention and then some.
I'm on Day 23 of being gamble free and it feels d**n good.
Urges subsiding and starting to lie live again.
You seem a determined, intelligent woman with excellent family and friends to help you.
You can get your life back on track. Believe me.
Stay Strong
Forget the word "lie" on 4th line !
Slip of the keys !
That's what I used to about my problem but I don't have to do any more !
Cheers
Hi All,
Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement, wisdom and support.
I know it is easy to become so consumed with our own problems we forget there is a massive population out there who are going through the same thing, (some worse than others) but, it doesnt matter what stage we are at, the important thing is to know that no one has to go through this period of recovery alone. Gambling, as I have learnt is an "isolating" illness. When we become a Compulsive Gambler, we shut ourselves off from society, reality and untill we admit there is a problem, we dont want anyone to tell us what we are doing is damaging and wrong.
I have learnt quite harshly that I will never recover unless I am honest with myself firstly, that I truly want a better and more peaceful life. I have found it difficult in the past to separate the thrill and excitement of playing slot machines and getting onto free spins/a bonus feature, to the realisation that I was and still am a hardened gambler.
My priority now is to get back to my standard and way of living without being consumed with thoughts of this "machine/site is due to pay out", chasing money and losses and deceiving family/work and creditors into giving me another chance to sort myself out.
I will continue to search for practical ways which I can put in place to stop me letting myself and others down, and continue to attend GA, Counselling and whatever else it takes to stop me damaging/destroying everything I have worked long day's, hours and years to achieve.
Thank you again to all who have replied and I hope to catch up with all in the recovery diary forum.
Best wishes
Rosie x
Pangolin wrote:
Well done Rosieday, you've made a great start.
The best way to help your family is to attend the meetings and to talk, there's a long period of confusion to come for them while the new you emerges, the money isn't the important thing, the people are.
Well done, keep talking.
Haven't posted for a few day's because I have been working so hard to avoid being tempted/lured back into old habits. I am glad to say I am so proud of myself for staying abstinent for 20 day's (almost 3 weeks)!! Have just finished a twilight shift in work and thought I would log on here and make a few notes and promises to myself. I am continuing to take one day at a time and stay in control, something I have not done/had for a very long time. I am continuing to attend GA and promised that no matter what, I would alway's prioritise my need or desire to stop and abstain from gambling. It definitely feels so much better being open and honest with myself and others and the peace of mind is beyond comprehension now that I realise and accept I no longer need to gamble to enjoy myself. The gym has been a welcome distraction and whilst I know I have ages to go before I am totally comfortable, the strategies are all working to stop me from gambling i.e. internet blocks, self exclusion and no access to finances.
Hope everybody is getting much needed respite and starting to enjoy life without gambling in it. Best wishes to all,
Rosie x
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