The day has come

I have been gambling on and off for 14 years starting around the age of 17 when the football lad's used to go into the bookies for the accas and a spin on the fobts. Since those days I have lost thousands and even went bankrupt back in 2013. I vowed for this to be the end of my gambling addiction.

Unfortunately it wasn't and slowly after 2 or more years clean it started to creep its way back in. Starting off with small controlled footy bets but once I was getting that buzz back I wanted to have a spin on the roulette. My roulette tactic doesn't change. Same numbers, but in the end, same result, you lose.

I am another person when I gamble someone who a). I don't like b). is not me. Of course it's all good when you're winning but when you are losing, oh hell. I have cold sweats through the night, a headache in the morning and a genuine feel of not wanting to actually wake up! These are just some of my experiences this weekend

When I read through some of the threads on here I can relate to so many. We need to help each other like a family

My partner is due in 6 days. There is so much more to life than gambling. The happiest I've been in the last 10 years was when I wasn't gambling

I love my little family so much. Nothing is worth losing them and that's exactly what will happen if I carry on gambling. I know I can do this. Good night friends

Day #1

Today was tough. Pretty much my whole day at work my mind was consumed by this recent loss. Any advice from anyone getting over a 'big loss'? I need to write it off. Actually makes me feel sick the amount I've lost. And the many things I could have done with it. Really annoyed with myself. I've been here time and time again. Remember this feeling from before and I know in time, once my finances settle again, I'll be okay. But I must remember this feeling and all the many negative emotions it has caused me and those around me. But zero urges to gamble, just gutted about the recent loss. Only way is up. Hope you're all well

Hey Nick,

I have just done exactly same as you. Blown all my dough in one day meltdown. It has happened in the past where I have these MELTDOWNS losing a lot of money in one night. Everytime I keep it to myself ( Im a closet gambler)often screaming in my car and talking to myself when Im alone. THIS IS first time I have taken a step towards stopping by joining here. I just posted for first time, its very long, but it felt good.

Those big losses are hard to get over but I used to overcome it before by pretending it didnt happen or saying its new beginnning or bizzarely working out a method and plan to avoid these MELTDOWNS next time. This only made me more immune and dead towards the pain of losing. Its dangerous as I felt no pain when I lost until I hit rock bottom which is now. So let it hurt and stop the gamble.

Nick the money is gone...don't chase it coz you will only end up losing more. I know what you mean about feeling relief the money is gone...you have no choice about gambling cos you have nothing to gamble with. The trick now is to keep it that way. Can your partner take control of the finances, and you just have a small amount of 'pocket money'? Is your partner aware of the gambling? How do you gamble? What blocks do you have in place? Do it now whilst you are still smarting from the loss.dont wait for the finances to settle, you have to make changes, and make them now.

Hi Icarus,

Thank you for your post. These meltdowns are a f****r aren't they! Can be good for 6 weeks, 6 months, 6 years even and it only takes one meltdown. That is a scary thought! I relate to your feeling of numb I actullay felt that too with part of this loss, I felt nothing (at first) until reality sunk in, and my mrs started talking of £125 being too much for something (I was thinking I could have brought 24)

I have unsuccessfully tried to stop many times now and I'm glad I've found this forum as like you I've not spoken out publicly about it. This is really helping and is giving me great strength to rid of this for good. I hope is does the same for you. Keep in touch

Hi Rhoda,

Thank you for your message. Fortunately (or unfortunately I suppose) it's only 2 things that I gamble on and that's football and roulette. I bet on football as I used to play the sport at a good level, have a big interest in it and would say I have a decent knowledge of it too. The other is roulette - which is lethal for me. I would keep playing till the death and that's what happened recently. After losing £1.8k on Friday night (in bed on my phone!) to winning £500 on the football the next day, to then play online live casino and build up to £1.2k I was close to getting it back but I lost all of that playing roulette. And over the next few agonising days I lost an extra £1.2k.

My partner knew something was up she said I was like the Donkey out of Winnie the Pooh! Sad and miserable! Well she was right on the f*****g money!! We've been together 9 years she knows me too well!! She even said you've lost money haven't you!? I just said yeah a little. She has no idea how big that 'a little' was. I won't be telling her about this loss as we've been down this road before and she will never get it or even understand why I do it. As I've been winning small amounts here and there I have been treating her and when she asks where it comes from I ask her not to ask questions (she knows it's from gambling but not complaining)

We are also expecting our 2nd baby anytime now (due on the 15th). So my biggest challenge will be not to play roulette to try and hit my daughters date of birth. Yes my logic is slightly crazy. I have a thing with numbers. My sons birthday is the 26th so that number 26 on the wheel defines whether I win or lose.

Anyway my partner and I have had problems before with my gambling in the past but she has trusted me now as I reckon she thought I couldn't be so stupid to do this again! But anyway it's done now and I'm actually feeling like this could be the best £3k I've ever lost!! Would I rather lose £3k and quit or lose £3k over the next 12 months and continue a life of unstable emotions and pure misery.

I confessed to my Dad last night who thankfully didn't get angry with me else that would have upset me. He was disappointed of course but he was understanding. And when he started to listen to me he realised this was not just a financial loss but a serious issue to me personally. He offered to financially help me which I am very grateful for and will pay him back when I can. I'm lucky to have him.

I can be trusted with money I don't look to bet every day. I've never woke up needing or gagging to bet unless I've lost loads the day/night before. When I'm off it I'm off it, I'm cool. When I'm on it I AM ON IT and it takes over me. Previous to this episode, I could probably go a month or so without a bet. I felt in control. But once I place a bet and don't win it's about that chase! So once that first bet is on if I lose it's about getting it back. I find it difficult accepting a loss. Maybe this comes from a competitive background, I don't know. Once I'm 'in the zone' as I call it, everything stops. Time stops. I don't have a care in the world other than gambling. Many nights I would leave the casino after an 8 hour stint to break even! And those were the better nights!!

I have put the blocks in place. Previous to this episode I self-excluded from 10 or so online accounts. I had 2 active accounts which are now closed. I've never been a great fan of the bookies so would have no interest in going there and I haven't been to the casino for about a year or so again with no interest. I guess there's an element of boredom creeping into my life and the excitement I get from football betting and roulette fill that void, but at a devastating cost!

Thank you if you've read all this feel like I have waffled on!

Hi mate,

Sorry to hear all this mate it does strike a cord with me and i hope you can keep gamble free. But i must ask, is getting bailed out by your dad such a good idea? I imagine there are many others who would agree with me when i say that will not solve any of these problems. So many of us have been bailed out and went straight back to gambling, some if not most of the anxiety and the gut wrenching feelings seem to almost disappear once we are bailed out? Perhaps sorting it out yourself mate might be a whole lot better in the long run. I was in 7k worth of debt 3 months ago and was offered to be bailed out, from previous experiances i knew that was not a good idea and declined but it helped me appreciate what my family, friends and my beautiful girlfriend were willing to do to help me. Couldnt thank them enough with that gesture. Luckily now im debt free, saved enough and now putting applications through to rent a flat (thankfully girlfriend controls everything). Your dad sounds like a fantastic bloke and clearly thinks the world of you, but its a bad idea.

I wish you all the best in your recovery.

Dan

Hey Nick spurs,

I too have to win at the start and stay ahead to have any chance of walking away with a win. Even then I dont walk away sometimes when Im winning. I Think it stems from me being discontent with my current life and always feeling like this is a way out and waiting or going for the big win. I Often think if I win ВЈ200- ВЈ500 everyday I will be ok and start living the life I want but I get carried away and try to take that number to £1000 or more when I have a good day and then comes the meltdown where I try to chase even the smallest lossses.

But I know all this is fuelled because I am allways thinking and fantasizing about winning in my head and thinking into the future as well as what might have been in past. I work hard at my job and like my work but I feel like I can almost gamble as a career even though the past proves I cant. ITS a wretched thought to hold onto. MAYBE its my inner laziness. IT could also be what you said, competitiveness and ambition but its being applied to the wrong thing as I see it as an easy and last resort. (Well not that easy.)

What about attending a GA meeting? Sounds as though you are going to need support when the urges hit. With a baby imminent it doesn't sound a good time to tell your wife, but maybe if you have blocks in place, attending meetings and have started a regular repayment plan to your dad, then you will be able to be honest with her. (Get a standing order set up to your dad for a regular monthly amount; show him how serious you are about getting on top of this). I know you say you haven't been to the casino for 12 months, but would be worth blocking that too, you can do it online...removes the risk of you having a melt down there. You have too much to lose if you don't get a hold of this now.