This has to be the end

Hi Lou

Fair enough you don't now know why you gamble. Like I say, it took me a while. It's definitely not as simple as being about money though.

At the start, the most important thing is stop gambling, rather than understand why you gamble. Hence you saying you'll go to GA is very positive. That's great, cos, although I understand your reasons for not disclosing, if you combine non-disclosure with not going to GA/counselling, then you're basically 'not doing anything' beyond putting out anonymous words into cyber-space, which is a good start, but probably not enough to bring long term change.

Once you get some distance from the gambling then the issues around why you gamble become clearer. For me this is when my recovery got exciting as it meant I was able to take giant steps towards living a more rich and fulfilling life, rather than just 'not gamble' (not that I'm knocking not gambling!).

This site is good for moral support. But some people, often those who have recently quit, will offer advice in the form of the path of least resistence as it fits in with their own agenda. I suspect that's why people like DP1988 react in this way but it's not really helpful to your recovery.

Best wishes

Louis

Hi,this is a tricky situation, I think CW has the best intentions at heart but I have to agree you have to deal/fight your own addiction your own way. I did up telling my fiancГ©e everything but we live together and he confronted me that something wasn't right,why we had no money all the time and that's when I told him everything, I was amazed how supportive he was. But if he hadn't confronted me I probably wouldn't have told him and sorted my own head out first and stop gambling my self,some people need to do it for themselves and are independent, it's like any addiction you know what damage it does to others but until you want to do something about it yourself, you usually don't care or do care but are not ready to deal with it or are in denial, good luck and I hope you are GO, if you think doing it yourself works for you....so be it.

GF I meant

No man is an island. It's totally self deceiving to convince yourself that what you do doesn't affect anyone else. Alcoholics don't necessarily drink other people's drink but when they can't function, the effects aren't just limited to the alcoholic. Their family, friends, colleagues, employers are also affected. Same for any addiction.

Look at it the other way round, if there was an important secret that she didn't tell you, how would that affect you when it came to light?

It may just be your own money - at the moment - but that same money isn't available for any future with your partner and the time taken by gambling wasn't available to her either.

CW

Wow,

I feel like my thread has started something beyond what I wanted or ever intended. I came on here for support and not for people to have a go at me for a decision I have made.

The way I see it is; CW has never been a gambler, it was her husband that left her in the s**t, and whilst I can 100% say that would have been a horrible situtation and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone I do not see how her situation is parallel to mine. Yes, I am not denying it has similarities, however, my finances are completely separate to my boyfriends. We do not live together, I have never begged, borrowed or stolen from him to fund any gambling I have done. My gambling problem = my debt situation = my problem, not his.

Whilst I fully admit that I am a compulsive gambler (when can I say 'I was' a complusive gambler?!) I can hand on heart say I never cancelled on seeing him to gamble, in my eyes he never came second to gambling - I just know that telling him now would break up what we have and could have in the future. I may get round to telling him at some point; once I have cleared the debt, but this is one of the things that is my problem, I will deal with it myself, whether I have support from people on here or not. I don't expect him to bail me out, I don't want any money off him to clear my debts so why put the burden on him at this moment in time?

Anyway on a lighter note, I am going to carry on coming to this site despite the unhelpful comments from some and I am 4 days gamble free.

Lou

Here here!

Just checking in to say i'm now a whole week gamble free. I feel like a completely different person in such a small space of time. I actually feel like I have got my life back a little bit, I have done things this week that I have been putting off for months if not years! I have thought about going back to it a couple of times but them remember the heartache of what happens. I never used to withdraw money, it was like a game; how much can I get it up to and then how quick can I lose it all again...never want to go back there!

Hope everyone who has read and commented on this page is doing well too.

Lou

Well done Lou! Keep it up