Time to bite the bullett

Hi there,

I’m in a predicament and I really don’t know what to do, I’m in debt over 11k due to gambling on credit cards, a 5 here a 10 their and sometimes a 20, just small stakes but god it just kept adding up and adding up and didn’t really take any notice until the credit card company put a stop on my card thank god when it reached 11k, problem is I’ve been here before but only had debts of 5k before and took out a loan to pay them off and then used the cards again, my wife doesn’t know how much debt I’m in and I don’t know how to tell her, I’ve had to take money out of a credit card just to meet the minimum monthly payments on my card to stop my credit file getting damaged, I really don’t want that to get affected, not sure what to do as I’ve been rock bottom before and declared myself bankrupt.

Thanks in advance

Dear mr August. I would suggest you find a GA meeting and a gamanon for your partner. Put blocks in place, hand over finances, self exclude, debt management if need be. This is a tough addiction to beat. My husband said all those things when my son was born, my son's 18 and my husband has done 450 days. He didn't want to stop. You need support and so does your partner, doing it alone can be very difficult.

My advice - you’re going to build up trust slowly. Brick by brick. If you are at work.. take a snapchat sitting at your desk. If you say you’re going to meet her, turn up ten minutes early. If you say you’re doing something.. show her that you’re doing it. Not because you have too or because she will nag you not trust you.. but because YOau want to show her that you ca tell the truth, that you are where you say you are and doing what you say you’re doing. This also means that if next Saturday you slip and put on a tenner accumulator - you present her with the slip and tell her when you put it on and what mood you were in that made you place it. It is then down to her to make up her mind.

Don’t focus on not gambling - focus on improving your relationships one tiny step at a time.

And if you can’t stop lying, can’t stop gambling, can’t do what you’re telling her.. then leave her, for the good of her stress levels and the good of your unborn child. This may seem harsh but these are your choices.

This is real life, she is living in it and is sticking by you for now. So take that tiny sliver of something and turn it into a nice upbringing for your child, look forward to days at the park and teaching your child how to ride a bike or taking your missus out for date nights and cocktails, sleeping on the sofa with your child on your chest sleeping aswell. This is real life and you can go and grab it.

Reality check right now. You don’t have days/weeks/months to decide. The staff at hills or l*******s don’t give a f**k about you.. but your wife and child do. They are your priority.

Thanks for your comments and advice guys.

Just a bit of an update wheret hings are at.

Still havent placed a bet so around 10-11 days and counting, but means nothing! Baby steps is all i can do i suppose but its the trust and realtionship Ive messed up still breaking my heart knowing how much the woman I love can barely look me in the eye or show me affection. Not looking sympathy or trying to make excuses, its my fault and I know she has every right to be let down, but Its a hard feeling to have. I know deep down we love each other and she means the world to me but I know its gunna be hard to get that feeling back but im willing to fight it!

I cant wait to have our baby and extend our family, spend time and create memories with them. Fight this curse of an addiction and stick 2 fingers up to it!

All gambling accounts closed, and seen a counseller on Friday, have 6 sessions with him to see if he can advise or maybe find root of the problem.

Thanks for listening/reading and keep the postivity or constructuve criticusm coming.

Keep digging deep.