Hi, I am new to this site, I never in a million years thought that I would need to come on here, I am,from now ,never going on a casino site or anything like them again, I was winning ......a lot of money, but thought I can win more.......so I gambled what I won,lost that ,then deposited some more .......£ 500 lost today , that was my total "living money " for the week. I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of what a bloody fool I have been, I don't deserve my family to forgive me, but they have,they don't (& never will) know how much I have lost in total over the last 3 months.......2/3 thousand pounds .OH I am such a fool, but now is the start of my getting my life back on track, I have to or else I lose all that I love .......family .
Hi lulu21, welcome to recovery 🙂
This is a great place to be & your husband is absolutely right, you can beat this together, One Day At A Time!
You need to draw a line under your losses as chasing will only take more from you! If you haven't done so already, I suggest you download blocking software (K9 is free but I can't vouch for it) to help break your Time-Money-Location triangle! Removing one takes away the ability to gamble & even though you are strong @ the moment, the addiction is evil & will try & suck you back in otherwise!
There is a lot of wisdom between these walls & NT has a thread on tips for keeping busy because you will need to have something to occupy your mind when the urges hit!
You can do this - ODAAT
.........
Thankyou for your encouraging words, I will beat it, I have loads to keep me occupied............disabled husband (carer for) & "demanding " mother :)),I find that in times of stress (a lot of the time) I need to gamble, but I am resisting the need,I feel pretty sick inside at the moment......."Cold Turkey" effect I assume,but I have gone "Cold Turkey" over other "vices" i.e affair & m s t addiction,so this will be " a walk in the park!!!!!",sorry,don't mean to be flippant,just my way of dealing with the way that I feel about myself. I have always had low self esteem, was made to feel of no consequence growing up,but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I am just getting over an " almost affair" with my first love who I met some 40 years ago, he came back into my life when I had been married for 36 years (17 when I married my husband),I realise though that the 1 who is always there for me is my "rock"..........my husband, feel pretty wretched about the way that I have let people & my "rock" down in many ,many ways, but 1st love is out of my life now( my decision,not his:) ),I never thought that I would tell anyone this,let alone complete strangers......I am stronger than I realise & I will come out the other side ,I pray also that many or all ???? of you on here do so too,love to you all xxx
If I had one "selfish "wish,it would be that all forms of gambling were obliterated !!!!!!, sad & selfish,but true.....
duty calls as he often does !!!,gotta go,speak to ya all later xxx
Well done for facing up to it - if you can stay in this community it will help greatly; I have tried a few times before but always been sucked back into the murky world of pathetic loss-chasing. Thinking of you today and I hope it is a success for you !
Gee ,thanks !!:)), fezzik 84, I have NO intention of going back,I have let too many good people down ,not least of all my wonderful son,he deserves a much better mum than me,but he tells me that he wouldn't change me for anything.......he is my world,he holds my heart in the very palm of his hand, 17 when I had him,he is 37 now & a total credit to himself....own business through HIS own hard graft ,love you loads & more darling R xxx
lulu21, this addiction lies & promises to take away the stresses that you 'play' to try & forget! It may allow you temporary release but the pain when you come out of a session is the same as when you went in with the added guilt of lost time & often money!
Caring is very demanding no matter how much you love the person & kinship carers have the biggest burden! Don't underestimate what a toll this takes on you & make sure you find a 'release' that isn't harming you further!
It may be worth started a recovery diary to get your stresses out in writing when they become overwhelming? You might get edited by Forum Admin but no-one will judge you & criticism will only come if you need a kick up the rear end!
These early days of recovery sometimes seem impossible but the end result is soooo worth it! Keep fighting - ODAAT
joydivider,totally agree about online gambling.........so easy to do & convenient !!!!, I would never,ever go to a casino or bingo hall, oh no,not me ,I am above all that ( bingo hall) l.o.l, seriously ,I honestly thought that people who wasted their money playing bingo were absolutely selfish ( I am talking about 1970's), Those thoughts now make me want to haang my head in shame, I realise now,that for most of them ,they had no choice as they were addicted,just as my mum was addicted to alcohol when I was young.If I have offended anyone on here with my comments,I absolutely apologise & ask that you forgive my previous & very uninformed ignorance, Karma ,maybe ???? I remember one lady, every afternoon she went to bingo,while her children had no clothes(or scruffy ones @ that), I thought that she was soooo common compared to my mum, my mum did the respectable (in her mind) thing & got absolutely comatose in the house, to the outside world she was a "lady ", but to me she was a drunken ,mentally abusive mess, many times ,when I was about 7 or 8 years old,I thought that she had died because I couldn't wake her.......still affects me mentally now,my childhood was ruined through abuse of 2 kinds, alcohol being 1,the other ,maybe you can guess????? A "friendly ear " NOT ! a"friend of the family " whoI trusted & thought sympathised with me.........how wrong can you be????
In closing, my mum has been sober for about 10 years now :)), she is the best mum that she can be & I do love her, also ,again,if I have offended ANYBODY at all with my comments ,I am sorry, I was just poking fun @ my ignorant( was) old self,so pleeeeeeeeeese forgive me :))
joydivider,totally agree about online gambling.........so easy to do & convenient !!!!, I would never,ever go to a casino or bingo hall, oh no,not me ,I am above all that ( bingo hall) l.o.l, seriously ,I honestly thought that people who wasted their money playing bingo were absolutely selfish ( I am talking about 1970's), Those thoughts now make me want to haang my head in shame, I realise now,that for most of them ,they had no choice as they were addicted,just as my mum was addicted to alcohol when I was young.If I have offended anyone on here with my comments,I absolutely apologise & ask that you forgive my previous & very uninformed ignorance, Karma ,maybe ???? I remember one lady, every afternoon she went to bingo,while her children had no clothes(or scruffy ones @ that), I thought that she was soooo common compared to my mum, my mum did the respectable (in her mind) thing & got absolutely comatose in the house, to the outside world she was a "lady ", but to me she was a drunken ,mentally abusive mess, many times ,when I was about 7 or 8 years old,I thought that she had died because I couldn't wake her.......still affects me mentally now,my childhood was ruined through abuse of 2 kinds, alcohol being 1,the other ,maybe you can guess????? A "friendly ear " NOT ! a"friend of the family " whoI trusted & thought sympathised with me.........how wrong can you be????
In closing, my mum has been sober for about 10 years now :)), she is the best mum that she can be & I do love her, also ,again,if I have offended ANYBODY at all with my comments ,I am sorry, I was just poking fun @ my ignorant( was) old self,so pleeeeeeeeeese forgive me :))
tried to delete duplicate comment ........no luck !!!!!!!!!:((
ODAAT, Thankyou for your kind words,anyone who wants to give a proverbial kick will have a very large target to aim at !!!!!! l.o.l xx
Please don't apologise...You have nothing to apologise for! Growing up in that environment must have been vile & as it is with so many other people on here who have gone through terrible trauma, it is testament to your strength of character that you have found a way to cope!
If it's any consolation, I expect I have said a lot worse about my own Mother who is a CG & also my OH who is my rock! This is a place where we can come (as I said above) & be truthful with ourselves!
Have you had or considered any counselling? I haven't experienced what you have although I just remembered I did grow up with an alcoholic (how could I forget)...He wasn't a 'lady' keeping it behind closed doors & sometimes we had to step over him asleep on the landing using the wall as a pillow to get to school! I have read many posts suggesting how worthwhile it is!
Keep writing - ODAAT
Lovely 😉 It will still hurt tho so don't be planning on needing one 😉
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