Hi all, i am new here having just signed up, yet this isn't my first visit to the forum.
After a run of incredible luck, i found myself with so much cash i was making lavish purchases, gambling and winning the money back and repeating this cycle. At the beginning of March i won in excess of £60k, shortly followed by another £45k a matter of weeks later. I was almost £100k in profit over a 9 week period. I done the right thing, saved £50k, but the wrong thing by continuing to gamble with the rest.
It dawned on me a couple of times that i was spending, or at least 'playing with', what i earn in a whole year, and some days i would be spending 10's of thousands in minutes. Although i appreciated this was wrong, i could afford to do this technically as i had an abundance of disposable money i was playing with. I was playing slot machine at max stake, and winning £10k in an afternoon barely even cracked a smile, much the same as losing £10k in an afternoon didn't even phase me.
you can probably guess what happened next, i hit a massive losing spree, spending all my spare cash, spending almost all of my savings having borrowed the money from my business in the hope of winning it back and being able to replace it, but instead i have had to replenish the business account with my savings.
despite being probably a few thousand pounds ahead of where i begun the year, i have spent over £90k in the last 10 days on gambling alone which is obscene. It hurts me to the core knowing what i could have done with this money and hurts even more it will take me probably 10+ years to save this money again.
i know i will not be able to get the money back and its gone now forever, i just do not know quite how to deal with the pain and forget what i have done. If anyone close to me knew about this they would disown me, and my partner would 100% leave me.
any help appreciated, and i am not looking for any type of sympathy i know what i have done and i know it is my own doing. i just wish i was clever enough to call it a day when i had about 3 years wages in my account!!
FYI, i am a 30 year old Male!
My moment of realisation (this time round) was after a few big wins, followed by a few big losses, leaving me in a similar situation to you.
What did I do? I spent what I was up by on holiday, took stock of what could’ve been and what now is and decided to stop.
you have to do the same.
Truth is, I’ve still got debts that I could’ve resolved and I was actually kidding myself that I was up (I was from an initial starting point if that makes sense, but hadn’t taken mortgage, credit cards into account)
so my advice is don’t dwell on it. Stop now and you won’t be skint, depressed, mentally ill, forever lying and looking your shoulder. You also won’t have that 3 years wages in your bank, but let’s be honest, you’d have just wasted it anyway!
Time to move forward mate. Don’t try and understand it, don’t beat yourself up about it, don’t even share it if you don’t want to, but get blocks in place and move forward.
All the best my friend.
I just spent ages editing my reply and it didn’t save. Here’s what I missed:
i didn’t spend my “winnings” on holiday,I spent them on a holiday. We are off as a family in July and that’ll be my final 2 fingers to gambling.
Im a 41 year old male, well educated, good job, nice big house in desirable location, gorgeous wife,great kids & I’m a compulsive gambler.
As I’ve earned more I’ve wasted more and between30-41 I darent think how much. Take my advice and get the blocks in place. Save money, time and energy and by the time your my age you’ll be s healthier and happier person.
Hi there :))
Pretty much what bdog has already said my friend , the amount's are all irrelevant in the end and a bit like a potato " Peeled , boiled, chipped or roast " It's still a spud ( and I should know ) :(( .
If you've been here before then there's a good chance you've heard all the one liners , " Nothing changes if nothing changes " " We cannot win because we cannot stop " and my Fav at the Mo " How do you turn a gambler into a millionaire ? .... Start by giving him Two Million " ? .
Acceptance is the only advice I could really give ............ Accepting that gambling's beat you once and for all , accepting that the money's gone and ain't coming back again and accepting that you need to change and that you are the only person who can make those changes .
It's not rocket science and you can do this it's just a question of how much you want too rather than placing another bet ? .
I just spent ages editing my reply and it didn’t save. Here’s what I missed:
i didn’t spend my “winnings” on holiday,I spent them on a holiday. We are off as a family in July and that’ll be my final 2 fingers to gambling.
Im a 41 year old male, well educated, good job, nice big house in desirable location, gorgeous wife,great kids & I’m a compulsive gambler.
As I’ve earned more I’ve wasted more and between30-41 I darent think how much. Take my advice and get the blocks in place. Save money, time and energy and by the time your my age you’ll be s healthier and happier person.
Appreciate the words of wisdom, its just incredibly hard to accept that loss, when its seemingly 'easy' to win by having another bet, another session on the slots and so on. Accepting its gone is one thing, realizing its gone and seeing all the transactions in my account wishing i hadn't gambled it all away takes it to another height for me. 'if only i could go back a couple of days' is what i keep telling myself which promotes the 'have another bet' attitude. Luckily i have changed my monthly deposits on 2 of the 3 betting sites i use to £5. I cannot self exclude as i have pending bets on football. The 3rd is B**5 who have banned me as i will not provide a source of wealth declaration so cannot bet there until i do, which i wont be doing as ive got f**k all to show them!
i realise i have to stop gambling, to the extremes i have been initially if nothing else, but in the long term too to prevent this from happening again.
Like yourself i have a good job, nice big house and 2 brand new cars, top end watches and designer clothing etc etc, but its all stuff, its all materialistic stuff to create the image of success when deep down its just me spending fun tokens for some temporary endorphins and to impress people i don't actually like. In reality it is miserable in my head, despite being picture perfect to the outsiders.
The highs from winning are insane, but the lows are far worse. This is the worst i have felt in the entire time i have gambled, so forgive the rambling and not actually knowing what to do next....
Hi there :))
Pretty much what bdog has already said my friend , the amount's are all irrelevant in the end and a bit like a potato " Peeled , boiled, chipped or roast " It's still a spud ( and I should know ) :(( .
If you've been here before then there's a good chance you've heard all the one liners , " Nothing changes if nothing changes " " We cannot win because we cannot stop " and my Fav at the Mo " How do you turn a gambler into a millionaire ? .... Start by giving him Two Million " ? .
Acceptance is the only advice I could really give ............ Accepting that gambling's beat you once and for all , accepting that the money's gone and ain't coming back again and accepting that you need to change and that you are the only person who can make those changes .
It's not rocket science and you can do this it's just a question of how much you want too rather than placing another bet ? .
Cheers Alan, i like the potato analogy and i guess you are correct!
I have browsed the forum in the past, but never had anything notable to post about.
With none of my friends or family able to assist because they are not aware, its difficult to talk to anyone who will not judge me.
I’d always encourage honesty as being the way forward with addiction and I know from what you’ve said that’s a problem for you but may I ask why you think the worst will happen from telling your loved and is there nobody you could confide in ?
I’d always encourage honesty as being the way forward with addiction and I know from what you’ve said that’s a problem for you but may I ask why you think the worst will happen from telling your loved and is there nobody you could confide in ?
the worst will happen, as a family member experienced the same thing and came out to the family with little support, lost his relationship, his home, his friends and parents. As awful as it sounds, i am not ready to do that yet, least while it is manageable and if i stay GF from this day on then it will never need to be spoken about - does that make sense?!
You're on a downward spiral until you accept that you're an addict.
Character traits also need improvement as do others, I've only just picked up this thread and can't believe the comments of "I own a big house", "I have 2 spanking new BMWs", "my girlfriend is the regular front page cover of sports illustrated", "look how well I'm doing to you"!!!!!
The truth of the matter is you either get off this train heading for destitution/degradation central or you ride along until everything you have is gone.
One of the posters above clearly states that honesty is the best policy, come clean, set the foundation, abstain, seek help and support, go to GA.
It doesn't matter who you think you are, how important you think you are, or how much you believe you have, when you close that door on a night you know how truly broken you and your family relationships are.
Come clean, ban yourself from every website, handover financial control, tear up every bet that still stands, and get yourself off to GA. Adhere to a programme of contentment and work on the traits to become a mature person.
Avoid the spiral and get off the train.
appreciate the response, thank you.
i understand i am an addict, accepting that bit is not the hard part for me.
i definitely do not think i am important, perhaps the social pressures about being the best, having the best, and living an enviable lifestyle play a part in me wanting to 'keep up', perhaps this is why i always want more despite having a good job and all the things mentioned above.
i am not ready to come clean to people just yet, but if i have to and cannot manage alone then i will be forced to. i am however ready to remove gambling from my life and today is my day 1! its a start, hopefully of something great. i have gambled all of my adult life so struggle to see a life without it and boredom at work is when it hits the most.
I'd rather be the guy living a honourable, fulfilling life, happy with who I am, and living happily without material possessions, rather than the liar, cheater, amassing material possessions without truly owning them, and living a life and relationship built on deceit.
Read Dean's story from earlier in the day and hopefully smell the coffee.
Hi ALN
Of course, i completely understand that. Being able to voice things here is a huge relief as i know i will not be judged, everyone is in the same boat. It is almost a weight off my shoulders being able to 'talk' about it worry free and be brutally honest without having to leave gaps or fabricate the truth to make it sound better than it is.
It is a tough time, i will keep posting, keep searching for advice, and hopefully come out the other side, who knows.
I have an unhealthy obsession with money in general which needs addressing, i am just not sure where to start with that.
I’d always encourage honesty as being the way forward with addiction and I know from what you’ve said that’s a problem for you but may I ask why you think the worst will happen from telling your loved and is there nobody you could confide in ?
the worst will happen, as a family member experienced the same thing and came out to the family with little support, lost his relationship, his home, his friends and parents. As awful as it sounds, i am not ready to do that yet, least while it is manageable and if i stay GF from this day on then it will never need to be spoken about - does that make sense?!
It makes perfect sense as when I arrived here I'd been in self preservation mode for many years and it's not always about being the path of least resistance either .
I feel it's a real shame that you can't just open up but were all different people with a variety of reasons why it's not an option for us at the moment , I know when I had that difficult conversation with my partner the words coming from my mouth were the most difficult ones I'd ever had to utter and obviously could not guarantee the outcome of the bombshell I was dropping on her from a great height .
You do have a place of safety with hopefully no judgement on the reasons you give , so at least keep posting and unloading when you need to and you never know one day you may well have that conversation yourself .
Wishing you well for now and hopefully speak with you again sometime 🙂
I’d always encourage honesty as being the way forward with addiction and I know from what you’ve said that’s a problem for you but may I ask why you think the worst will happen from telling your loved and is there nobody you could confide in ?
the worst will happen, as a family member experienced the same thing and came out to the family with little support, lost his relationship, his home, his friends and parents. As awful as it sounds, i am not ready to do that yet, least while it is manageable and if i stay GF from this day on then it will never need to be spoken about - does that make sense?!
It makes perfect sense as when I arrived here I'd been in self preservation mode for many years and it's not always about being the path of least resistance either .
I feel it's a real shame that you can't just open up but were all different people with a variety of reasons why it's not an option for us at the moment , I know when I had that difficult conversation with my partner the words coming from my mouth were the most difficult ones I'd ever had to utter and obviously could not guarantee the outcome of the bombshell I was dropping on her from a great height .
You do have a place of safety with hopefully no judgement on the reasons you give , so at least keep posting and unloading when you need to and you never know one day you may well have that conversation yourself .
Wishing you well for now and hopefully speak with you again sometime 🙂
Thanks Alan, appreciate those words more than you can imagine.
It is a shame i cannot tell my partner, but it will break her. She is not a high earner, £50 is massive to her, the look on her face when i treat her to even the smallest of things is priceless so to drop this on her would break me, her, and ultimately us. Whilst i feel very alone and very ashamed, i am just not ready to incorporate her into my problems just yet as this will add another factor into everything. I do not need to be going through relationship issues along side this and running a company. I hope this explains my situation clearly enough to warrant even the smallest of understanding.
Hopefully one day i will have that conversation, that is the aim. To recover from this, to build on new things, to repair myself and then look back and explain what i have done and why i have hidden it. I feel that is the best option at the current time.
I have just started a diary as think this will help, and be my go to for confiding in people i dont know who will not judge me and offer some words of wisdom.
88anon,
I’m a straight talker and will never apologise for this as sometimes the honest truth is the best advice to be given rather than placating to form a common bond.
Your approach is still of the gambler. Still manipulating your partner even with your sincerity of wanting to stop doing what your doing.
Until you become respectful, honest and open then I have to ask the question what has truly changed in you? Your partner deserves the truth and the ability to make her own decision. With hidden secrets the likelihood is that you’ll go deeper.
If you really care / love this person don’t you owe her the truth? Your gambling with her future still. Got to say buddy it’s a very selfish approach.
Would recommend reconsidering. Get it all out in the open and have the full support network that’s needed.
Appreciate your honest opinion and would never judge any suggestions / tips offered on this platform.
However i do disagree that i am manipulating her (very strong word IMO), shes is not directly involved with my finances, we have separate finances completely. I do not believe this has negatively impacted her life whatsoever, she will just be deeply disappointed in me as a hard working, (arguably) intelligent individual, who has made the most stupid of mistakes. I understand it appears selfish, but if i am not ready to create another huge problem in my life, then what choice do i have? I have to hide this from her until i am ready to tell all, which right now i am simply not ready to do.
We enjoy a nice life together, its the life i lead away from her which is the problem here.....
Hi 88anon,
In my experience, reluctance to confide in a partner is often (not always) because a gambler doesn't yet have a lifetime commitment to stopping.
I quit many times, and selectively self excluded but always new I could find another account to open.
I didn't want to stop, I wanted to solve a short term financial problem.
"I do not believe this has negatively impacted her life whatsoever"
Really ?
Even if we exclude finances, have you ever not disappeared just to gamble ? Never been remote as gambling consumes your thoughts.
I know my wife once thought (many years ago) I was having an affair. I was but with the bookies rather than a women.
If you are not ready to tell her today. Try and tell her soon.
"I cannot self exclude as i have pending bets on football".
3 accounts ?
I must have had more than 100.
Self exclusion using GAMSTOP for 5 years is the absolute the bare minimum requirement.
Absolutely nothing to stop you self excluding.
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