Thought I had hit rock bottom eighteen months ago. My whole family nearly evicted because of my compulsive gambling. with their love and support I got help attended counselling and was eighteen months free of this illness. Then bang a bad week and I went and gambled. To have to tell my beautiful children that I had let them down again broke my heart. But I am determined that one lapse will not become a relapse. The old feelings of self hatred and dispair are hard to cope with. Feel like such an idiot and a disappointment to the people who have stood by me through it all. Can't even understand right now why I did it let alone explain it. So have decided to start this diary and knowing there are people out there that will not judge and truly understand will I hope give me the strength to beat this
Hello Rock bottom and beyond,
Welcome to the forum and well done for telling your story.
Our forum members may well empathise and identify with your recent painful experience of having a slip up. It is good that you are motivated to use support so that a slip up doesn't become an ongoing relapse. You might like to start a thread in the 'Recovery diaries' section and update it regularly if you find that it helps your focus.
Take care,
Forum admin.
Well done Rock Bottom! Coming back onto a forum is a great idea as you have said you need to stop! If your slip is actually a slip them in the big scheme of things it’s not a disaster! You have come clean, not hid it away, and tomorrow is a new day (same day for every compulsive gambler) another day to stay gf! If we do that then all is good! Keep posting put up the barriers and stay safe
Wow, 18 months is a very long time.
It's important for you to dig deeper on why you slipped up after all that time, that is the way to prevent it happening again.
Thank you jappy and urgh your support means so much. Have taken your advice and put even more blocks in place. On line is the only place I gamble so should prevent another lapse. If I am being honest which I have tried to be, think I just got complacent. Had a bad week then the old thoughts entered my stupid head. If I can just win enough to cover the bills this month blahh blahh blahhh. The saddest thing is I known gambling only makes matter worse. For years I believed that I would win enough to sort all our problems out. Used gambling to escape the pain of reality. Husband in and out of work, loosing my beautiful son at the age of 26 thought I could solve everyone's problem by gambling. But even if I had that elusive big win it wouldn't have brought my son back. Given his siblings there brother back it was madness. The harsh reality of being a cg
Day 2 of new beginnings X
Just for today I will not gamble. Have a safe day everyone and remember there really is life after the gambling stops.
It is so strange how my day yesterday was full of thoughts of gambling. The memory of this self loathing, I will just try to win back what I have lost. All came flooding back with a vengeance. Thank God I had put extra barrier's In place. Would I have been tempted to try in all honesty probably. But the memory of the devastion this illness causes far outweighs the alternative. Day 3 and feeling much more positive. One day at a time. Hope you all have a safe gf day
Evening rock bottom,
Well done for coming back and starting a dairy.
After reading your diary I just wanted to say don’t think about the big win. From my heart I can tell you it won’t solve any of your problems. I had that big win, it was the catalyst of all catalysts. We are compulsive gamblers and we will never win because once we start we can not stop. I paid off the debt and bought a few bits but then I fed it all back and more. Put myself in a worse situation than previously.
Take care,
Sarah
We are in this together, in a pit of despair and self pity.. And we look to those further down the line to show us the way out. I still believe we can be free of this forever.. Somehow...
Thank you Sarah your so right in what you say, spent thousands trying to win that big one. Would it have stopped me gambling probably not in reality would have made it worse. Good luck in your recovery and to hear from people who truly understand is such a lifeline.
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