I've read a lot of posts today about urges and about the inevitability of giving into them on some future day. I understand this frame of mind because I have been there many times in the past. I have used that 'logic' to start a splurge; I am going to do it at some point so might as well be today. I would counter it with another type of logic. We do not start out on a car journey worrying about every turn we are going to have to make. If we did, the most straight forward trip would be overwhelming and we would never leave the house. We deal with each junction and sign post as we get to it and I'm trying the same approach with recovery. I only ever have to get to the end of this urge, this wobble, this day.
Speaking of this day, I thought several times this afternoon about placing a bet on the football. The voice that says just one wouldn't hurt is still there in my head. Happy to repot I did not place that bet. We all know it would have been the first of many.
Hello,
I would like to rejoin the challenge after my three weeks of not checking in, I am disappointed in myself for not sticking to it but I am still proud to be 135 days free of gambling today. If the team will take me back I would still very much like to be a part of it and help the team and myself. I appologise to mr B for not checking in hope you forgive me 🙁 and I will be sure to have an early one for the week coming ! Sorry again
Batman
Checking in on Day 53!! Wow, over the half century. I will not lie, it has not been easy, however now that i have reached my first big milestone i just want to get to the next. Its still lovely and sunny in Belfast, enjoy the rest of your weekends people!
Hi soldiers,
I'm of to Bckeburg Germany now to see the sister and the brother in law after 7 years again :)))) very exited me
Hope you all enjoy a gamble free and good Sunday 🙂
Wolfgang
Well here we are troops - it’s the half way point…….almost!! We’re at the last Sunday of the first half of 2014 and every single one of us has an opportunity to reset our sights on the best possible target that 31st December represents…………..it could be anything from the full Calendar year to a half year - what an amazing achievement that would be for all of us!! Here’s the new challenge………if every single one of us 42 soldiers who are “live” in the team manages to stay clean for the rest of the year and no-one else joins us………we will have been collectively stopped for 38 years and saved a total of 700,000 GBP between us!! Phenomenal!!
In the update this week we have the usual suspects of the headlines, milestones, roll of honour and new/returning soldiers, plus the feature of the week (if I can, I’ll think of some form of interactive thing that requires input from everyone each week). The feature this week includes a post from a forum user from the past and has been referred to in bornagain’s spotlight, as well as in other updates and check ins from team members…….read on to see where I’m taking this!!
Headlines of the week……..
We had 41 soldiers marching into the week that has just closed out and with returning + new soldiers the ranks have increased by a net of 1 soldier. 7 of last weeks troop didn’t manage check in which gave us a retention of 83% - still a bit lower than what we’ve been used to. I’d reiterate that with holidays on the go at this time of year, please let me know if you’re not going to be able to check in and I’ll do it for you. The current group have a total of 8.2 years free from gambling and we have an average clean tally of 72 days each. The challenge in its entirety has delivered over 18 years of freedom, with the cash value of abstinence increasing by just under 5% from last week. We could see this cash figure hit 350,000 GBP by next Sunday with improved retention performance.
New and Returning Soldiers………..
It’s been a strong week for new and returning soldiers - in fact, we’ve seen the return of one of the first ever members of the challenge in Unaitsert. Alongside Una, we’ve got garthcrooks back in the ranks from a few months ago, Batman and RST187togo from a few weeks ago plus ToBeOrNot and Fitzy who were both MIA last week but are still going strong and back with us.
Joining us this week are Elfie17 and Matty21. Both are very early in their recovery journey but I’ve been really impressed with the number of posts you guys have made already and the questions you’ve been asking. I really hope that the support of the group and the additional motivation being part of this wonderful team gives you will provide the breakthrough you both need to march to a full recovery!
Please join me in welcoming all of our new and returning soldiers to the team!
This weeks feature - How loud does the gambling music play in your head?
So it sounds like a weird question huh? However, there’s been a lot of questions by team members recently around “it” getting better, what do people do to help, do the urges go away and how to combat them?
Please bear with me on this one - if you read to the end of this section and answer the relevant questions then we may be able to “scientifically” determine whether “it does or doesn’t get better………and when does that start”.
Well, one member of the wider site wrote an analogy on his post about how gambling is always there, but now that he realises this he can rationalise and tune himself into the dangers that are lurking on a day to day basis. In fact, late last night NoCrisis posted another fantastic analogy about the twists and turns of a journey. Read on to see what KRS had to say………..
“I know everyone is different but i think all CG's are inherently the same.
I discovered that the 'voice' that made me want to gamble is always there - has always been there and WILL always be there. But it is set at a level. When I have been bad with gambling the level is high... when I have not gambled for a long time the volume goes down. I use the scale of 1 - 10. 1 being very low, to 10 being very high. For my analogy to make sense let’s say the 'voice' is a piece of music and that piece of music is set to the level between 1- 10 of how bad my gambling is. My will power, urges, determination etc. all affect my level.
So my level for gambling is playing a piece of music and I’m on level 4, which I generally regard as my normal gambling urge level.
The trick I learned is, that that 'music' was always playing. ALWAYS PLAYING. I Always had it in me to give in to temptation and start gambling……it never went away. If I heard the music then I would gamble. It was a learned behaviour. I hear 'the voice' or 'the music' and it makes me gamble.
Now for the other side of the coin and please bear with me on this, it really does make sense.
Now let’s look at your life. To oppose your thoughts about gambling…… you have your consciousness, you have your will power, you have other things to think about and do for example, your family, your work, your whatever. Your LIFE is also a piece of music. Your theme tune, if you like. It is also set to a volume between 1 - 10. If your life is busy and full and rewarding you will be on a high level and your music is set loud. If your depressed upset angry or bored, your 'lifes' music's volume is set low.
Now here’s the point - If gambling music is set at volume 4 and your life music is at volume 7, you can’t hear the gambling music……….it’s drowned out. You’re too busy or you’re in a good place, or getting on with other things in your life..........you just don’t hear the gambling music……hence you don’t get the urges.
Your life music will generally change day to day depending on what happens and that’s the trigger to watch because your gambling music will pretty much be at the same level dependant on the type of gambler you are. So for me at gambling level 4........if my life music drops down for whatever reason to level 4 or below, I will start to hear the gambling music again……..start to get tempted and hear the old nostalgic music that triggers a relapse. The further your life music falls the louder you can hear the gambling music and the more chance you are going to gamble again.
Sometimes you can get confused and tempted because your gambling level and life level are set at the same volume, so you get conflict because your levels are so close to each other……….. you can hear both songs in your head.
The trick is to keep your life music high. It will always drown out that gambling music - you won’t hear it so you won’t get triggered to gamble. It leaves us vulnerable when bad things happen to us. The volume on your life music gets turned down and you hear the old gambling music again. That’s why you always have to have this in the back of your mind. The gambling urges are always inside you………always playing that music……….that gambling tune! You have to drown it out with life music……….drown it out with LIFE!!!
When you stop gambling you realise what a massive part of your life has gone. Hours and hours playing these games........with nothing to replace it. Most people end up relapsing out of boredom. You have to fill the space gambling left with other things. We CG's also crave risk and excitement. When that’s gone it’s hard to replace. You crave it so much... your gambling music gets cranked up so you can hear it again. It wants you to hear it so you can come back. You need that LIFE music turned up too so you drown it out again. Go jump out of a plane…….bungee jump........swim with a f@cking shark! Whatever you have to do……………….but turn up that life music.”
So that is KRS’s analogy - really thought provoking in my opinion. BUT, I want to use the principles of it with the group in the hope of answering the question, “Does it get easier?”…………
For those of you who are old enough to remember the really big sound systems we had in the 80’s and 90’s……..you remember the ones with the graphic equalisers on them that visually bounced around depending on high the treble and bass and other things I never understood what they were for? I want you all to imagine that you’ve got 4 elements to your graphic equaliser bouncing around at various levels relating to………………..life, family, finances and gambling.
If we take KRS analogy then and ask how loud the volume is on each of these things for each of us then we can begin to determine if, at some stage of the recovery journey, the noise of life and family begins to drown out gambling and financial worries……and therefore, it becomes easier.
So soldiers……….when everyone is checking in this week, while it’s not mandatory, could you please answer the following questions……….
1. How loud is your life music playing right now? (1 is almost silent and 10 is booming!)
2. How loud is your family music playing right now? (1 is ‘my family music is drowned out by other things’ and 10 is ‘my family life is amazing and the music is louder than a Glastonbury speaker!’)
3. How loud is your gambling music? (1 is ‘the volume is so low I hardly think about it’ and 10 is ‘it’s so loud that I can’t think of anything else but that right now’)
4. How loud is your financial ‘worry’ music playing? (1 is ‘I haven’t a financial care in the world so can’t hear any financial worry music at all’ and 10 is ‘I’m so worried about my finances that I can’t sleep at night because of the worry music that’s blasting in my ears.’
Can you answer in order and simply give a string of numbers - my answers to the questions are:-
7, 8, 2 and 3.
I will analyse the results and come back with some theories next week - I also think it would be a valuable thing to again in a couple of months time……..it would be nice to see another form of progression in the team.
Onto the milestones that were celebrated this week……….
There were a healthy number of milestones this week! Here are the people who were celebrating:-
Scambling and Mr Brightside broke into the double century this week and moved past the 200 day mark. Babybluesky, although not checked in, will have celebrated the achievement too - where are you girl?
delboygolf (Steve) became our newest member of the Century Club in hitting the 100 day mark - well done Steve - great going fella!
Drew2002 is celebrating exactly 13 weeks free today and therefore hits the quarter of a year mark! Goan yersell big man! (translation for our English soldiers - “Well done old bean, go on! - 😉 )
Luckygirl celebrated a birthday and 10 weeks of being gamble free - she also managed to resist huge temptation when put in her road………..triple celebration lucky - very proud of you!!
Strange and help2604 have both moved past the 50 day mark and are getting closer to the Century Club!! Brilliant going guys - interested to see your “music” scores!
Milestones for Celebration this coming week………
Monday 30th June - Happy Days hits 200 days and Shorty8 becomes the newest member of the Century Club!
Tuesday 1st July - Hitthefan reaches the 150 day milestone while Wolfgang comes up to 13 weeks and exactly a quarter of a year without gambling - Lou will be hugely proud!! Hope you have a fantastic day in Germany today Wolf!
Wednesday 2nd July - While it’s not strictly a milestone we normally recognise, this is a really special day for a soldier who has already beaten previous records…….LIFESWINNER, I’m so so happy for you mate……….30 days and counting………with tomorrow being a full month!! It’s just the start mate!
Thursday 3rd July - Batman reaches 20 weeks and NoCrisis hits 50 days free!
Friday 4th July - there are no official milestones today, but I’m calling this an official day of celebration for every single one of us…………today we celebrate our Independence from gambling!
Saturday 5th July - Scambling reaches 30 weeks free, bornagain hits the massive number of 200 days and Gladsdad moves onto a quarter of a year clean……………it’s another huge Saturday for the team!!
Sunday 6th July - Mr Brightside follows Scambling onto 30 weeks free and Sonic Boom shares the day of celebration by hitting the half century with 50 days free!!
Congratulations to everyone who will hit big markers this week - please try and celebrate with the individual team members when their big days come around!
The Roll of Honour for the Week
Here’s the list of our troop and our days clean……….
Name Clean Days
bornagain 194
Happy Days 199
lostafortune 114
Mr Brightside 203
Delboy79 321
rst187togo 8
Hitthefan 148
luckygirl 73
Baggins 119
ToBeOrNot 128
triangle 108
Scambling 204
NoCrisis 46
ringerbell 108
delboygolf 101
Drew2002 91
Gladsdad 85
Batman 136
Pinky333 13
Strange 51
Wolfgang 89
Mo 11
help2604 54
Shorty8 99
julio 116
Mike18 29
Daz71 42
4evahopeful 42
John64 30
D70 36
Mileend 1
Fitzy 35
Sonic Boom 43
Stephen2105 4
LIFESWINNER 27
Wolf57 24
charlie1720 22
onlineplayer 17
Unaitsert 8
garthcrooks 30
Elfie17 6
Matty21 8
Drum roll………total days free of gambling since the Challenge began……….
6591 Days = 329,550 GBP in our pockets………………..0 GBP in the bookies!!!
So that’s the rather long update for this week everyone. I give up asking people to check in early so will try to continue managing across a weekend! Please remember to answer the questions from the feature this week and this will form the feature for next week too!
Have a great week everyone - stay strong, remember your commitment to this group, live life to the full. Check in is now open!
Mr Brightside
Morning Mr B I've missed your sunday updates. Actually sat in bed refreshing the page and waiting for it.
5, 3, 7, 8.
The gambling thoughts just drowning out life at the moment but putting up a good fight. Very little time for family due to financial worry. Hope to see this change over the next few weeks.
RST checking in 8 days clean. (Sorry for my ever changing name it's something I'm actively doing every day to keep me going, just stick with RST).
Sorry I've missed the check in this week, celebrating my birthday last night and had every intention of signing in last night but I was too intoxicated. Hangover from hell this morning. Will check in early for this week. Take care everyone
checking in day 116, missed check-in this last couple of weeks due to travelling around the US. Feeling good, but quite hard around the World Cup. Have a good week everyone!
Hey BBS and KIN!! Great to have you both back!! Tbh I knew there had to be specific reason for the no show - not like you guys!! Hope the birthday was good BBS and also the hol KIN!! An ask from me.......call it a penance for misbehaviour(!) is for both of you to answer the q's in the update this week - your recovery period will be important in the wider feedback and analysis!!
RST - RST makes life much easier! Thanks.........and thanks also for your answers.......could provide some very interesting research !
Have a great week all,
Mr B
Great update as always mrbrightside 🙂 have read over the thread as been away all week so want say well done to everyone who reached milestones this week
As for my answers to the questions I would say at the minute I'm 8,8,3,5 and will explain why below
As yous know I was away last week on stage 1 of my exchange. To say it was the best experience of my life would be an understatement I've made 8 new friends from Finland and the whole experience has given me a new lease of life
My family volume is 8 as well as I have got much closer to them again over the past few months and I've a sense of pride to tell people about my family were as before I didn't want to as was worried people would judge them about my gambling issues
My gambling urges are around 3 all the time. When I see adds on tv about the World Cup I still find myself thinking "wow that's great odds worth a cheeky bet on" but then I realise it's never that easy and prevent myself from slipping back into my old way of working.
My financial worries are around a 5 but this has increased due to my upcoming trip to Finland. If I wasn't travelling there in 10 weeks I would of put this around 2 or 3 as I'm still paying my parents back but have a system in place that allows me to do this weekly and still have money for myself
Checking in on day 101. Treble digits. 🙂
Hello, my names Nikki, I would usually come here on and off because of all my relapses but i'm really determined to stop now as i can see this group being very helpful..i'm not too late in joining am i?
Excellent update Mr B (as always) - thank you for all the hard work you put in, especially on a Sunday! Big congratulations to everyone on the Challenge for their individual milestones.
Checking in for this week on my day 119, and here are my 'music level' answers:
Life: 9
Family: 10
Gambling: 1
Financial: 8
(Aiming for 10, 10, 0, 10...)
The music analogy is great - thank you for sharing it with us.
Joanna
Hi all- Glads dad checking in
Thank you to Mr B for gently nudging us down the road to recovery and a better future...
Great big congrats to everyone's achievements this week... Many days abstaining to be proud of
I CAN'T wait to get to 100 days (about a fortnight to go) HUGE personal milestone
Life -9
Family - 9
Gambling - 3
Financial - 9
I'm with Joanna with the analogy - it's a great way to measure the stats
Good luck to all this week - take care
Hi mr b! thanks for great update, it is obvious that you are spending a considerable amount of time helping everyone on this challenge. Without this challenge and support network many would fall and not get back up to fight on.
Please everyone, be strong for each other.
Mo
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