2014 Challenge

Hi All,

Checking In on Day 39.

In answer to your question on the move from online bingo to online slots..... Online slots are on the same page as the bingo. You can play both at the same time. They are very catchy and new versions are released often.

I am so glad to have left my zombie state behind!!! No going back.

In response to Elfie, quote: "A very happy belated birthday Baggins - not your 111th birthday is it?"

No - I'm not 'eleventy-one' (Lord of the Rings reference to non-believers...) but I am now 69 (with no further comment).

Thank you Elfie for your good wishes and glad you are doing well.

Joanna

Hi there,

Checking in on day 113 after a long journey from winsford England to venlo in the Netherlands it's 2.30am and I have to be up for work at 5.30 🙁

Might just stay awake lol

Had a part nice week at home downside is that my future mother in law is still in hospital and it's not looking to good and since yesterday morning my future father in law is in hospital to after reversing his car into a tree and collapsed after he got out of his car 🙁

He is very ill anyway and is now very confused but thank god not injured.

Feeling not to good working away knowing that it is a hard time for Lou at home.

Will answer the questions later this week just can't think right at the moment

Hope you all have a good and gamble free week

Wolfgang

Hey well done everyone whos checked in and myself 😀 day 24 for me so im happy that i'm slowly getting there..things are better than ever i find more productive ways to use my time now and i can finally breath easy..good job on everyone beating their addiction 😀

Hi all

Checking in on a beautiful day

Best wishes to my comrades this week

Glads Dad

Hi checking in feeling tired hate the heat! Can't sleep problems mounting up in my head? Looking forward to a fresh perspective tomorrow!

Checking in day 25.

My problems were from footie and online casino. Stopping football bets was easy as I realised I had stopped watching/enjoying the games instead I just scrutinised results cursing late winners/shocks (which always seemed to be my banker) or the sheer bad luck -I'd get 7 out of 8 right or 6 out of 7 etc. Online casino, much harder - instant cash in your pocket in seconds. Only problem was like so many on here am unable to stop. Then when the losses start I chase and then it all goes badly wrong....... but those days are behind me now. I've woken up to fact they are designed to make you lose hence why they make bookies/casinos so much money. I used to think I was smarter than all the other losers out there and I could slip under the radar and build up some decent money. How wrong I was, I consistently took myself to the brink, wasting precious time as wealth as the damage to my health/mind. Am sure many on here can associate to this. Now its just trying to keep the demons away and get a normal life again.

Hi Mr Brightside/All

Still going strong and now reached 120 days gamble free. It's been a tough journey but very worthwhile and proves it can be done.

Good luck everyone

Craig

Well hello everyone!!!

Not long returned from a couple of days away......and it's never felt better to be home!!

I'm sitting on the couch watching the opening ceremony of the Commonwealth Games in the worlds most amazing City!! Not sure if anyone else is watching it.......big smile on my face seeing all the sights of the town.......but don't worry, you're not the only one who doesn't have a clue what half of them are saying either!!! Very proud!!!

Something I'm more proud of than anything else in the world is my family. As promised, Mother Brightside or as Baggins has christened her, Mamma B, has written the most amazing spotlight on behalf of those recovering but who are non-gamblers.......maybe even the true victims of gambling? I have asked my mum to register as a user of the forum herself - I think you'll see why. She will be posting her spotlight soon, under the name of OutOfTheCage........thanks Mum!!

So I'll shoosh and hand over to an honorary member of group.......and with Duncan Mac, Half Life, Molehole also in that club.......she's in esteemed company.

I hope you enjoy it.

Mr B

PS can't stop laughing now - SuBoo did a Boo Boo!! Ooooopsy!!!

Wow this is a whole new thing for me and I feel honoured and humbled to be asked to input into the 2014 Challenge!

I’ll try to answer the asks from Mr B….

‘What changes have I seen in him?’ ‘Things I would advise friends and family’ ‘Observations on the Forum’.

I tried to answer these in order but I have found that they have overlapped so I hope that overall I will have, in part addressed things!

I will have to go back to last year to begin. Mr B was always wonderful in my eyes and those who know him, but never in his own eyes. Over the years there was always a barrier that seemed to stop him enjoying his successes in life and being happy with himself. He has always worked harder and for longer hours than anyone I know as I think his dedication to this challenge has shown!

His family always suspected that gambling played far too big a part of his life but he always tried to reassure us that he knew what he was doing and there wasn’t a problem. We heard about the wins but never about the losses! Last year there seemed to be cracks develop in his life and it was obvious he was struggling. It was only at the beginning of December that I got a phone call saying he was on his way home, he had been gambling and things were a mess.

Perhaps at this point the question ‘how friends and family are affected?’ comes into the picture. The time it took for him to arrive home my imagination went into overdrive - how bad were things? How much debt was there? Would his house be lost? Could he still cope with his job? How would his family be affected? How could I help? Could he stop gambling? He arrived home, distressed and at a very low point. The best thing about that time was his admittance to the problem and the want/need for help. On reflection from my point of view it reminded me of when my Mother got cancer and came to live with us and we began the journey of palliative care. Stepping into the unknown with little knowledge of what help was available or where to turn or if I was strong enough. For years despite whatever Mr B earned he always seemed to never have any money which was an anomaly. I had often said to my husband I wish he would let me deal with his finances. As the saying goes ‘be careful what you wish for!’ That is the first thing that happened. I think that finances and gambling are very much a chicken and egg scenario. I am sure that in a society that is driven by material things it’s very easy for the pressure to turn someone to gambling in order to supply their own or their loved ones desires. As has been shown by the recent survey most people show finances high on the list of problems even above gambling. I have noticed that so many of you have said that initially you were winning and it seemed an easy way of getting money. How cunning the places are that would try to steal, kill and destroy you! Having to constantly deal with debt is exhausting, it ruins relationships, takes away your self-worth and seriously damages your health!

I’m digressing! As seems to have been proved by so many of you, having someone taking control of credit cards, money, banking really helps in the recovery journey. That was where we started. I think both Mr B and I felt we had been hit head on by a vehicle, different vehicles but with the same devastation. Those first days and weeks were so very hard for us. Me feeling in a strange world trying to find out all I could so I could try to help and Mr B handing over financial control (and he is very much a control freak so it must have been so very hard!) and beginning on the unknown and difficult recovery journey! Only by admitting the problem and being prepared to face it have we been able to progress to where we are today.

Please any of you, either CG’s or friends and family, never underestimate the difficulty and pain of the first days of stopping gambling. I salute any of you who manage to work through that. Don’t ever feel embarrassed to say you are at Day 1. It’s a huge step to a new life!

One of the hardest things was self-exclusion. Only he could do that but I felt the pain when he came and talked about how embarrassing and degrading the whole experience had been. At least, once done it gave him the freedom to go into town and it was a major step in recovery.

Joining GamCare was a big step and we both were quickly absorbed in reading diaries and feeling we weren’t alone! With Mr B’s approval I read his diaries and those of so many others. It gave me a much better insight into feelings and struggles and ways of beating the addiction. DuncanMac’s open and special diary became a favourite as I realised there was hope and that recovery was a possible and wonderful choice for us too. I say us because it is very much ‘us’ as we are in it together. Perhaps the road we travel may be different but the goal is the same. There is so much advice on the forum and has so often been said each person’s recovery is bespoke so you must each take the advice that works for you at whatever stage of recovery you are.

Then at the beginning of January the 2014 challenge was born and how it’s growing! I have read every single post and feel I know so many of you! I think it’s wonderful how the challenge has developed and how you have grown into a mighty army, you have disproved the statistics and are showing that recovery is possible! There has been such good input into ways to support your recovery, a sharing of information and tremendous care for one another and a desire to see success in others as well as yourself. I don’t think Mr B ever imagined what the challenge would develop into! I’m sure the hours he dedicates to his posts and updates have helped many. I know it has helped him in his own recovery and it has helped me to understand better what he and all of you are going through.

As you are the soldiers in the front line I see friends and family as the field hospital! There when you need us, waiting if you fall but hoping you never will! You have to fight the battle each day which has its own problems, and we never know if you will be wounded or if the day will make you stronger. I have found that I need constant reassurance that Mr B’s ok, this was especially so in the early days. He needs to know that his finances are ok and that with time all debts will be paid and life will be easier. We need patience with one another. Trust is a huge thing. Openness with loved ones is essential and the start of being able to embrace recovery together.

My son has slowly, over this time come back to those who love him and to life! I have seen him slowly relaxing, accepting and I hope liking himself. Each area of his life is healing and there is a future for us all in his recovery. Huge and wonderful changes since the end of last year! I am recovering too and breathing easier!

I have noticed that when people join the forum there is a need to be there, to post regularly on the challenge and on own recovery diaries. I think this is excellent and essential - it gives you a focus in the early stages, a chance to learn and draw strength and then the opportunity to give help and strength to others. I have also noticed that as people progress with their recovery they slowly begin to embrace life again and the need for the forum slowly lessens. I am heartened when I see people developing and living again - but please don’t leave the challenge, we would miss you! Recovery takes time. In the same way that you all began gambling in a small way, and for some it took away many years of your lives, so re- entry takes time too. Gambling will have absorbed your time, energies and money and provided a buzz too. At first recovery will be slow, all-consuming with little to show for it. Any addiction needs to be replaced with something which will provide a pleasurable exchange and at first there are probably little funds (in fact there will undoubtedly be debt) available for any activity. This is where patience has to come in. As it took a long time to reach the place where gambling was destroying your life, so it will take time to build a new and better life. You need to allow yourself that time of healing. I have seen on the forum people embracing new things like walking, cycling, sports, charity work, running, and seeing their families in a new and purpose giving way. Life has much to offer.

Some main points to highlight

Yes Mr B I am as emotionally connected to all on this forum as you are! I follow in your shadow, praying for you, supporting you and wanting that future and a hope for you and each one of you on this challenge. I celebrate each of your milestones and follow your recoveries. You really are all winners now!

Mr B is amazing! I am so proud of him! We are coming out of our cage and we feel just fine 🙂

Love Mother Brightside xx or as Joanna said Mama B - glad you had a special birthday, you deserve it!

Evening mr b / everyone in challenge

Day 60 checking in still going strong ,feeling positive about future.

Everyone doing great , keep it going.

Is tough but worthwhile journey

I'll never forget and never become complacent

Complacency is a silent assassin

Fitzy

Hey everyone checking in on day 26..another day gamble free for me so i'm really happy. keep strong everyone we can do this 🙂

Checking in on day 125 🙂 hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine xxx

Hey guys checking in for the week (not sure what day I'm on lol)

As got the answer to your question my main problem was gambling on horses. I could go into the bookies at 10am and stay there all day. Would start by betting on virtual horses (sounds so silly when say that now) and then unlike other people in the place I would have to put a bet on every single race that day no matter how I was doing (can remember 1 day in particular sitting laughing after loosing €300 even though it was killing me inside)

It wasn't only horses for me though I would bet on anything if I thought it was "easy money" but of course we all know there is no such thing as easy money

The best way I dealt with this was self excluding myself from all sites I was a member of. I've also got the racing channels removed from tv. I talk a lot more to my family about issues in life instead of blocking them out to concentrate on gambling, I've also been very open with my friends about my gambling problem (this has meant I've had to remove myself from certain groups but been worth it)

Checking in day 33 had some urges this week but thankfully I've got through it 🙂