2014 Challenge

Update is currently getting finished off and will be on in the next hour.

Checking in on day 66

Checking in day 81....Good luck everyone and stay strong!

Kickitnow

Good morning everybody, here is this weeks update.

I have spreadsheets coming out of my ears, tired eyes and a headache. I always thought Mr B did a fantastic job of these updates and was extremely grateful for all the hard work and time he puts into it. But having actually had an insight into all his spreadsheets and documents I have realised he actually does even more than I thought. I will try and follow a similar pattern to Mr B. I apologise if I miss anything out or get any figures wrong.

The Headlines For This Week

At the start of the week we had 37 soldiers, sadly 5 have not yet checked in. I have faith in you and hope you will check in today or sometime this week as we don’t want to lose you. We have also had 5 new recruits and I don’t think it will be long until we hit our half century of soldiers. Molehill has been kind enough to do the spotlight for this week and there are lots of milestones to report.

Welcome to the new soldiers

Its a big group welcome to Vtr729, Leigh2014, Daz71, 4evahopeful and last but not least DGR! Its early days for you all but I believe this is a good place to be. As a group people are positive here and will encourage you along and celebrate your achievements with you. We lose some members along the way, but the ones that are still here will vouch for how their life has improved since they stopped gambling and joined this place. I hope to see your numbers add up and hear more about your journey.

The Spotlight is on.......... Molehill

1. Tell us a couple of things about you?

My name is Molehole, but my real name is Michael. I have always found it easy to get addicted to enjoyable things. But once truly addicted I've realised they've stopped being enjoyable and start to become a need. I love animals, am good to my mother and hope for world peace one day. On the flip side, I torture flies at every opportunity when they fly into my apartment, I wish my mother would stop calling me so much and often send her calls to voicemail, and there’s a lot of people in the world who I reckon don’t deserve peace. SO I guess what I'm saying is I'm pretty much average guy who tries to be compassionate, honourable and do the right thing, but life gets in the way sometimes. I haven’t had a gamble since August 2009. (Except for one relapse this year back in March that I managed to nip in the bud).

2. When did you realise you had a problem with gambling?

My best mates that I’ve grown up with since childhood all love to gamble in casinos and on the weekend footy. I've never been interested in football and don’t have ‘a team’, but I loved the challenge of trying to work out what the result of a match would be. The first time I went to a casino I loved the atmosphere and the feeling I was now part of some Casino Royale James Bond world. I had an overwhelming feeling that ‘work’ was for suckers and I’d really zoned in to a secret way of life that your average Joe-Schmo with his meaningless grinding job, 2.4 children, cleaning his Mondeo on a Saturday morning, etc, would never have the guts to live. I only went to the casino maybe once every month. Won a little, lost a little. Then I discovered Online gambling. Wow - I don’t even need to go to the casino anymore. I can sit in my flat with everything I need - perfect lighting, perfect music, smokes, wine flowing... Bloody train crash! I realised I had a problem when I lost my job back in 2007, sold my flat, got my redundancy, and ploughed it pretty much all in to online roulette, poker and blackjack. I tried to treat it like ‘a career’. I’d go swimming in the morning thinking how I was being like Paul Newman in "Color of Money" getting match fit for the afternoon hustling at the virtual poker table. Looking back how utterly pathetic?! My nan died and I got 2,000 inheritance. The cheque cleared in my bank account at about 6pm - by 9pm the same night it had all, ALL been spent on the roulette table. My nan hated gambling and saw it as immoral and struggled all her life to make ends meet. I lost everything she’d saved for over 93 years in less 93 minutes. I went to bed horrendously drunk because I couldn't stop drinking for fear of having to start thinking about what I’d done. I woke up in the morning, looked in the mirror and knew I was looking at a C*nt.

3. What have you been doing to fill the time since stopping gambling?

I love writing short stories and screenplays, so since I stopped I have been writing hard. I've also recently (thank god) got in to jogging and swimming again. Also cutting out the cr** in my diet. I feel so much better for it I can’t tell you. It sounds like a clich, but having a healthy body really does go such a long way in helping to have a healthy mind. It’s hard though because I told myself - if only I stop gambling then suddenly everything else that’s wrong with my life will suddenly change and I’ll walk off into the sunset as the credits roll. Perfect. No such fun. My life is definitely SO much better since I've quit, I no longer have that continuous gnawing in my gut, feelings of guilt, night sweats, panic attacks, always feeling I'm trying to hide the truth from people and put on an act. BUT, life is still stressful and everything that was wrong in my personality is still wrong - but easier to handle now I don’t have the added stressors that gambling compulsively inevitably brings.

4. What has been the most important thing you've done to help you stop gambling?

I believe that self-awareness is the only way to keep quit. For me to be painfully honest with myself about why I was gambling, what gap it filled, what ego/self-esteem-boosting function it served in the very short term. The ‘self-medicating’ for anxiety and depression issues it helped alleviate. To get all philosophical I think it was Socrates who said the most important thing to lead a balanced and happy life is: ‘Gnothi Seaton’ - ‘Know Thyself’. In the early days I spent an evening self-excluding from every website I’d signed up to, then actually joined EVERY other website I could find from Google search. Signed up and immediately self-excluded. So that next time I felt tempted I literally couldn't play even if I wanted to. I also cancelled all credit cards and switched to a Lloyds bank account that wouldn't allow me to go overdrawn EVER. (And because I’m so poor these days anyway, I never have more than enough to cover bills and rent in the account) My living expenses each month I take out as cash and keep in my flat. It always amazed me in the depths of my addiction how I’d go to the ‘Benefit Buffet’ (Reduced Items aisle) in my local supermarket to hunt out the rankest, greenest bit of reduced meat, yet an hour later I’d be sp*nking into the online casinos because it was just numbers on a screen. No value, no meaning. To have the money as cash keeps me real. So that’s what I do.

5. What is the best advice you have been given?

Without doubt - "I can’t win because I can’t stop". Secondly, to be aware of my thoughts - the thoughts that come from an ego vanity and also from a low self-esteem and insecurity. To accept these thoughts but not act from them. To get beyond them to the real me connected to reality and mindful in the present, the moment. Thirdly, don’t think of it as ‘a disease’ - it’s not helpful as it takes away your need to take personal responsibility for your actions and gives you a get out clause to say ‘it’s not my fault, I have a disease so I can carry on doing whatever I like and you must feel sorry for me. Addiction? Yes. Mental illness? Possibly. Disease? No.

Any other advice that sticks in my mind is so personal to me that I doubt it would really connect with anyone else.

Thanks so much for that Mike, I’m sure your words will help some of us on here to deal with our addiction.

Milestones celebrated in the past week

Delboy79 hit 40 weeks clean during the week. Well done to the daddy of the group, it seems everytime I look on here you have hit a new milestone! Keep up the good work.

ToBeOrNot reached a quarter of a year clean, congratulations on that and the century is getting very close now!

Triangle and Ringerbell are now past 70 days, huge congratulations on getting through ten weeks and heres to another ten weeks!

Drew2002, Gladsdad and Wolfgang all got their half century during the week. Another fine achievement that you should all be proud of!

Finally Batman has smashed through the 100 days mark. The joker tried to beat you but as always Batman has come through! Congratulations on a huge milestone and keep it up.

This Weeks Milestones

Monday 26th May sees Spaingone hit the ten week mark and Pinky333 bring up the half century. Fine achievements for you both!

Thursday 29th May is 10 weeks clean for Delboygolf, 70 days is a big achievement, congratulations!

Saturday 31st May brings 70 days for Shorty8, well done on hitting 10 weeks clean!

Sunday 1st June brings double celebrations Baggins will reach a quarter of a year and ToBeOrNot brings up 100 days. Huge achievements for you both this time next week!

This Weeks Roll Of Honour (apologies if I make any mistakes)

Name Days

babybluesky 166

bornagain 159

Happy Days 164

lostafortune 79

Mr Brightside 168

rst18 20

Delboy79 286

Hitthefan 113

luckygirl 38

Baggins 84

ToBeOrNot 93

triangle 73

Scambling 169

NoCrisis 11

ringerbell 73

delboygolf 66

Spaingone 69

Drew2002 56

Gladsdad 50

Batman 101

Pinky333 49

Mo 35

jess2910 28

Granite 12

Time4Reform 29

Dot83 28

help2604 19

Strange 16

Shorty8 64

julio 81

Mikesaf 11

Shortie777 13

Vtr729 9

Leigh2014 2

Daz71 7

4evahopeful 7

DGR 21

Now for the important numbers which I really hope I have worked out right...........

4812 days = 240,600 in our pockets and 0 in the bookies

Congratulations to everybody and we are getting so close to the quarter of a million mark.

Check in is now open. Have a good week everybody and lets have a 100% check in for next week.

I did start this with good morning, I am finishing it over four hours later so now its Good Afternoon lol!

Superb update Phil - many many thanks for spending the time and making the effort to update the group and take the lead while I'm away - you've truly blessed me with the ability to enjoy my fortnight without feeling I've let the team down in any way. I'll spend a wee while just now updating the front page with all the movers and shakers!!

On a more personal note I was really disappointed at some words in a post on your diary bornagain. I would like to publicly thank you for your support, your commitment and your encouragement of people on this thread and on the site in general - I wouldn't be where I am on my journey if it weren't for your friendship and the ongoing relationship we have created. You are a credit to this site and to this challenge. Thank you.

Last word for Molehole - outstanding contribution and so many take aways for a lot of us there. Can't thank you enough either for your ongoing support and commitment to the challenge thread and the GC site.

This is Mr B checking in on Day 168 and very proud to be a soldier in this platoon!!

Rst checking in day 21. Great weekend down in London for Arctic Monkeys and play off final that derby cruelly lost. Slight thoughts of gambling with a bit off free time over bank holiday but hoping to fill that time with jobs around the house. Bring on next week.

Good evening all, just checking in, still gamble free =) sorry for missing check in last week. Have been very busy with work etc and thought I had already checked in lol.

Hope everyone enjoys the rest of the bank holiday weekend, keep fighting soldiers!

Adam x

Fantastic update my scouser mucker. I like Mr b would be lost without the support I have found from the likes of yourself, I am a firm believer in constructive criticism but am a hater of pointless targeting. Take no notice of the post on your diary, laugh/shrug it off..... keep doing what your doing my friend.

Del 🙂

hi all, blip today - first time after 78 days clean - gutted about it, 25 minutes and it was pointless - so starting again / rejoining the team, as I notice my name not on Mr B's list on front sheet 🙁

MrB I'd like to join up please. I really need the pressure of not failing others. One look at my diary shows I've been problem gambling for about 10 years now and on this site for past 3. I've gone long spells in in a happier place (gamble free) but each recent relapse has been a heavy one. Just off the back of a week of behaving like a total zombie (once again).

I'll never give up though, thankfully I still get the feeling of shame and hating myself for gambling and I'm not going to give in. If I can conquer this it will be my greatest ever achievement. 2 Days clean.

Many thanks for the summary Bornagain - a grand job - hope Mr B brings you back a stick of rock!

Congratulations to all milestoners too.

Checking in on Day 85 of sanity.

Thanks Bornagain for the update, I definately dont envy you with all those spreadsheets 😉 The numbers look all correct though, so good work 🙂

Checking in on day 170 🙂

Scambling

Hey my name is axeman id like to join this group ive been gambling for 5 years mainly on the roulette machines in ***********. cant beging to explain how it has f***** my life.

any how would like to join this group please holla at me.

regards

axeman

After thinking long and hard about whether im mentally ready to commit to a complete stop ive decided to commit

I would therefore like to join the merry band of brothers and sisters and walk the long road with you all...

not gambled since 17th May so today makes me on day 9

Mark

Hi..Just checking in

- congrats to all reaching milestones ( cant wait to get to 100 days ( at a very pleasing 52 today - I COULD NOT have done this alone cheers)

To those who have blipped - chin up, dust yourselves down and put it behind you... Every day is a battle won but the war will always be raging on...

Stay strong

Glads Dad