Hello all.Today is the day I have had enough of gambling as I'm on a road to self destruction. I'm not in a major amount of debt & I havent had a home reposessed but thats where I see myself in years to come if i don't end this now. All the spare money I have I lose on gambling (online slots) but the times I do win I go straight back on the next day. I blocked myself off every online casino I was registered on but then I found one I hadnt been on before & there I was sucked back into it once again. I punish myself by not buying new clothes etc as the money I had to spend I had lost, telling myself 'I now have to wait to until payday' then I do it all again. The feeling I get after losing 400 quid on payday is horrible! I hate myself so much & am trully disgusted promising myself I wont do it again. I lie to my girlfriend & parents telling them the reason I'm skint is because I just haven't managed my finances very well. I still live at home & don't pay board so I'm left with around 800 a month after my few bills, as you can imagine this is just money to burn. I recently treated myself to a new (well, new to me) BMW & a while back booked a holiday to Mexico. I had plans of paying these off asap but now back gambling I'm having to borrow money to pay these things off. I told my parents abit ago & they were supportive which helps but makes me feel worse. They should hate me.. I borrowed money off them about 4 years ago & haven't paid them back a single penny. The other day I was thinking (after losing several hundred pounds) that I should block the remaining online casinoI know & use then start fresh, pay off my few debts & start to enjoy my life. I didn't & an hour ago lost a few hundred pounds leaving my feeling ashamed of myself. Then I just did it, I spoke to someone on a live chat telling them I want self excluding for as long as possible. Its the thing I've been thinking of doing for months but only just managed to do. I know full well I can afford to go on holidays, treat myself & thoroughly enjoy life without gambling. I'm going to Mexico in june & I'm going to enjoy every single moment without worrying about finances. I'm going to pay my parents back & actually be proud of myself for doing so. I've had enough & its time to enjoy the normal life I have been craving for years. Apologies for the messed up story but I just needed to write this down. Reading some of the stories on here is genuinely upsetting as I cannot imagine how people in much worse situations are feeling knowing how I feel after just losing my 'spare' money. I honestly wish everyone struggling with gambling the best of luck in overcoming their problems & hope they find a way out. I'm done with this s**t & i'm not taking it anymore. All the best guys, wish me luck.
Chris.
Thank you for this Beanbert - you have described so well my feelings and experiences.
I am not in debt but in the past have had a large overdraft which never seemed to disappear. I am in the 'black' now due to winning £1300 on online slots, but any winnings since then have disappeared. I have come to realise that I will never be a 'winner' because I will simply wager it all away again. That's why today I have joined Gamcare and hopefully will rid myself of this stupid addiction. I can only think it forms a brainwave pattern which needs to be broken; other than that I have a perfectly nice and comfortable life, so no excuses for trying to change things by gambling. Good luck - I am sure we can do this.
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Hi beanburt good to hear your you've had enough you sound like you have a lot more will power then myself I've had a crappy start to the year with numerous events and I still find myself driving to local betting shop without thinking just like the other guy I've won money but your never a winner for long because your back there wagering your winnings over and over again but best of luck to you my freind
Hi Beanbert - have just re-read your first post and was struck by your sentence: "I still live at home & don't pay board so I'm left with around 800 a month after my few bills, as you can imagine this is just money to burn." Obviously I don't know what your family's finances are, but I do know that you must have wonderfully supportive parents. To be brutally honest, I think you should be paying for your board - even a little. My eldest daughter is still with us due to health problems but she pays us a certain amount each month - this is usually returned to her in some way or other, but it does help her self-pride. How about setting up a monthly Standing Order to pay into your parents' account? Not only would this be a start in paying back your debt to them, it would also make you hold your head a little higher. Once again, apologies if this sounds interfering, but I do feel that such action would be good for your self-esteem. Best thoughts to you...
Hello again guys. I was a little emotional the other day when I wrote this post, since then I havent been feeling down so much about losing the money but more optimistic about the future & looking forward to paying off what I owe & enjoying spending the rest on myself instead of throwing it away each & every month. I totally agree Baggins, im 27 & the girlfriend is wanting us to move out next year so thats something else to look forward to also meaning I have to start being responsible & looking after my money. Now you say that it makes me realise how supportive my parents are, my dads always had good jobs & therefore has always been very generous towards me & my older sister never making us pay for our upkeep. I feel abit bad sometimes because he works a fair bit & doesnt really get chance to go away much & enjoy himself. I owe them both a lot & am very grateful so maybe its time I showed them & grew up a bit instead of relying on them constantly. Im an adult now so I need to act like one! I really am done with online casinos, my friends know my problem & have also helped too so I guess Im surrounded by good friends & family which is a major help. Its a shame its took me 10 years to realise how much better my life can be without worring about how much I will lose each payday, whereas now I can look & see how much extra I have to repay debts & spend on things for myself instead of 'going without' because I wasted it online. This forum is a godsend & talking to people like yourselves really helps. Im very appreciative of your thoughts & replies so cheers guys it means alot.
Beanbert I salute you - it looks as if in just the short time you have been on this site you have started to make mature decisions about your future life. Power to you!
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