Lost everything

Hey ... 

Sorry you are having a hard time... 

One day at a time .... 

Have you got any blocks in place ? 

You have come to the right place this community is brilliant, no judgement, just support ... 

Im on day 101 and I know how hard it is to stay GF... 

Hi Lazy Lunch

As you mention, telling the truth was the only option and it's out there now. It's very raw for her now and without knowing her, I'm still sure there could be a chance. The only chance you have is to stay close and work to be the best person you can, for yourself, your kids and for a chance for your wife to trust you again. I'm sure it's too early to tell

@v9ehcqm83f well done on 101 days.  yeah I have all the blocks. Gamstop, Gamban even Gamstop for physical betting shops. I will beat this but even when I do, I’ve let down my family and that kills me.

@lp5vut869c oh how I wish you were right. We’ve had the conversation and she was steadfast that I have to leave. I’ve not told anybody else yet and she said that she can’t be the person for me to lean on and I’m definitely not that person for her. She already told both her parents so that bridge is burned and she’s telling her sister next week. It will all be amicable and she’s promised that I’ll have a strong relationship with the kids but there’s no way that she will ever entertain the idea of a reconciliation. This has broken me as I thought love might persuade her to give me a chance but she’s made it clear that if she’d known earlier she never would have married me and definitely wouldn’t have had kids with me. I’ve never taken a penny from her but she went out this morning and changed the PIN on her bank card and has checked her credit file to make sure that I didn’t do anything silly in her name. Those things really hurt. I’m so jealous of the people who talk about telling their partners and years later they’ve never been stronger, I won’t get that. I know it’s my fault and I hope that I don’t turn around one day and resent her for her snap decision.

@o5i3sre2tw mate i am sorry to hear this the problem with this addiction their alot of extreme cases their are people who dont help themselves and give all addicts a bad name since i have been in recovery some of the people turned out to be the best of people in terms of recovery some of them never got the opportunity the problem with this addiction it going to take a life time committment and i can see how are non addict will look at it i have read alot of forums i even read another forum where the guy was in recovery and his wife wants a divorce even though he getting better and came on here how to best approach situation the main thing u have to do it for yourself i have even come accross other addicts who have left their partners who are willing to support and cant make sense of it all

I am so sorry you are going through this.  It's extremely difficult, as I have been through the same situation as you describe.

My Husband found out I had been gambling and I came clean about the tremendous amount of debt I was in.  I  had re-mortgaged the house without him knowing, explaining this to him was so horrible but I knew everything had to come out.  He tried to stay but unfortunately he lost all trust and confidence in me and left the marital home, as he said he no longer loved me.  I was completely devastated (of course he was too).  I had pulled the heart out of our family unit and all our hopes and dreams for the future went up in smoke.  We too, had two children.  They stayed with me but we co-parented.  Breaking my family up haunted me for many years, but my children are happy and content.  Many years later I wrote a letter to my husband, to say how very sorry I was.

The first two years where awful, but I got through it, because I had no choice. I felt cross (I had no right to he) that he didn't stay but of course I understand now, why.  To see him re-marry was extremely difficult but like with everything it passes and you get use to it.

All I can say is, I like you and many on here have been at rock bottom but you can get some kind of life back.  I am not particularly happy because I feel lonely, BUT I do feel at peace now and calm and do little things that bring me joy.  One thing for sure,  it stopped me dead in my tracks with regards to gambling.

You will get through it, because you have too, it does become easier, but we have to allow time to do its thing.

I know you will feel tremendous guilt, I did, but what could I do, the damage was done and I had to just sit with that guilt, but again it passes.  You will be ok.

I can't really do much to help you but I do really understand how you feel

All the very best.

Kylie.

@kylie66 kylie I’m sorry that happened to you. I know that time heals and I know that one day we all smile again. It’ll kill me when my wife remarries and I know that day will come as she’s so perfect in my eyes still. Like you, I had dreams of a future with my wife, from the second I met her (I wasn’t gambling then) I knew that I wanted it all with her and I could have had it, it was so close. But this disease doesn’t care about that. I feel so much grief for losing the life that I envisioned. I’ve got a long way to go and I don’t think I’ll ever be happy again. Just maybe not quite as sad as I am now.  

@o5i3sre2tw try and just deal with, what is in front of you right now and perhaps tomorrow.

My advice is not too think about your wife meeting someone else, yes that may happen in the future, if it does, you can deal with it then but you will be completely overwhelmed, if you think about all the things that will happen in the future.

I miss my husband everyday, but the further the time goes by the easier it becomes, and the less painful it feels.  I never, ever thought I would get over it, but I promise you it will become easier.  When others use to say the same to me, I use to think "you don't know what your going about" but they were right.  

I read a book recommended to me by relate called "starting again".  It's not necessarily about meeting someone else, it helped me to move forward, it helped me grieve for the future I wasn't going to have with my husband and helped me plan a different one.  Perhaps as time goes by it may help you too.

Just gotta get your nose to the grindstone In this situation start working day and night to find solutions , pull some strings look for help anywhere you can find it.

Bankruptcy may be an option ? not really sure what the point of the DMP is if your broke and in 35K debt ? credit will already be wrecked so the bankruptcy could be worth looking into 

I was in an IVA in my early 20's very different situation to you at a different age but it did teach me how to navigate the world without relying on a lot of debt