Rock bottom

@2j6gnzqypc

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing with us what is happening to you. You've described such a difficult and upsetting situation, it's hard when things are secret and trying to cope alone. Please give the helpline a ring on 0808 8020 133, or if it's hard to talk you can do a live chat with one of our advisors. https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now/ . They will support you and also let you know what support and help there is for you.  Please do get in touch and take care. 

Jane

I thought that about my partner but I told him the truth and he’s been really supportive, I told him about my relapses which I’m really ashamed about, I got myself in that much debt that I’ve had to turn to a debt management plan, the one thing I never thought I would have to do but I can’t cope with the crippling debt. If you don’t think you can talk to your husband do you have anybody close to you that you could talk to? 

I see a lot of stories on here of people scared to tell their loved ones in fear of abandonment, I was there myself, I did terrible things gambled everything, stole from my daughter, my partner my parents and my boss, one morning I woke up with the same feelings your feeling now, a terrible frightening dark lonely place.

This was 103 days ago, the day I last gambled and the day I told everyone absolutely everything, I was prepared to lose everything, prepared to go to prison, lose my home my family, it was the end or a last chance of saving my soul so to speak.

Every single one of them has given me love and support that I did not feel I deserved.  It was the hardest day of my life and the weeks that followed were horrendous, the guilt the shame, feeling undeserved of the support and people around me, BUT it got easier I started my diary seeked advise from a mental health nurse, I self excluded from everywhere, blocked my back cut up my card, I genuinely did it for them, whilst you are keeping secrets and lying the only person you let down when you relapse is yourself, but when you have a support circle the thought of letting them down supersedes any urges you get, its so so so hard but you have to do it for yourself, they will suprise you.  Gambling is a nasty addiction it takes your soul and makes you do things you never thought you were capable of but it IS an illness, and as soon as you are free of it, you are free from lies and deciept you have support and you can start day by day to get your life back and be the person you know you are

Hi,

Oh this bought back so many feelings, memories and comparisons I had. 

I’ll tell you what I’ve learned over the last few years during my gambling and since stopping. Your husband will find out, one day, one way or another. My husband did, and I thought I was so careful, covering my tracks etc. As above, I got so much support and love. He was just more upset that I was going through it alone and couldn’t talk about it. 

it will be the hardest thing you do, but also the best thing. This is an illness you’re battling, it wants you to lie and keep secrets. The moment you stop doing that, you’re the biggest winner. The weight lifted off your shoulders will be indescribable! You need to grab hold of every bit of support you can get, put the blocks in place and not have access to money. All this has got me to where I am today. 

I took out tens of thousands of pounds in my husband’s name without him knowing. I’ve ruined all his chances and options for the next 6 years now, but he’s still here, supporting me. 

Please, please be kind to yourself. You didn’t choose this life. Take one day at a time. 

I am 28 days away from being 2 years gamble free, I was you once! 

Take care,

Claire x

Am going to be honest with u opening up is the best thing u can as your partner deserves to know the truth regardless if he supports you or doesnt but one thing i can promise u the people on here will get u through this, by opening up to my family it was the best and worst decision off my life best in terms they were aware and took my name off the property however it was the worst in terms of understanding it as an addiction i had to do this on my own and still get ridiculed for my past i made the decision to keep it a secret for the last 10 years due to this i managed 3 years before i relapsed however this time it different i use this forum regularly and understood this is a life long illness i will always be vulnerable the best i can do is to continue coming on here and being honest the people on here are very supportive and their no judgement and i actually enjoy coming on here i am on day 718 however i am in much better head space then i was previously as i can see the progress i am making