Hi my name is Rebecca, I am 34 soon to be 35 in September, My gambling started out when i turned the legal age of 18, My family encouraged me to tag along with them to Gala Bingo. When it used to be Gala bingo back then. I was then encouraged to try the 10p slot machines. Where i used to win fiver here and there thought it was fantastic, As time went on the urge to go to gala bingo was more stronger, and it went from once a week to 3 days a week. Noticing other slot machines ranging from 25p to £2, So i went on a slot called Rocky on 25p a spin. Obviously i won on the pots above from the pick me things that came on the screen. And it exoculated went from 25p to 50p on rainbow riches. won the money pot. And 3 days a week then become every day to every night. Then i started going on this slot that was popular at the time called Money mad Martian its a community game. It was only a £100 jackpot back then but i got stuck on it. And lost just over £400 on it. Just to win £100 jackpot. When money would run out i would sell my gold jewellery to a pawn shop and get straight back to gala bingo back on the same machine i lost the money on playing the same game Money mad Martian. Lost again!. Done it for some years the same old thing. and then one day i went there with my family one afternoon after losing again and realised i don't want to do this anymore so i had a chat with the manger and self excluded for a year!. After signing the form, i had to leave straight away leaving my family in there playing and because i had to wait for them to finish their bingo i went in a betting shop put in £20 which is all i had left. And won gold pot on rainbow riches. and i left with cash in my pocket and i was really happy. took my mum and friend out for a carvery the next day!. But it didn't stop there. Couple of weeks went by and even though my family were still going enjoying there bingo at gala still. I sat at home and become regretful that i self excluded and Thats when i found the online gambling sites. The online got me more over the years!. I was depositing depositing and depositing for a couple of years ! Before Bang 2016 I won a significant amount on slots. Cashed out Took 3 days to hit my bank account. Bought things. tv's, newest Samsung, iPad. the rest went back online. lost it, then i sent all the stuff back for a refund and lost that too back online. This was happening all the time where i would win buy things have them for 2 weeks send them back to the shop telling the shop its faulty to get a refund on the items. Following year! 2017 i won another significant amount, cashed out and did the same thing bought things sent them back because i lost what i had left from the stuff i bought back on the slots. I was lucky like this for 5 years!. But it was winging 3,000 here 2,500 there. the last ever win i had was on bingo on T*****a. i won in july 2020, couldn't believe it i was jumping up and down!.. 2 weeks later!, lost it back. That was my last ever win, I haven't won anything since then its been 5 years now. And im still stuck playing online slots and bingo. everytime i get paid at midnight i would get woken up 3 am in the morning check my bank get back on the computer chasing wins, chasing losses, Happens every 2 weeks. every month without fail. It will have every single penny, And once i am on it i just go into a different world. unware of my surroundings, forget that i had to pay a bill or save money for amber leaf because yes i am a smoker. some how none of it enters my brain while im gambling and lost everything ive got then once its all gone i suddenly realise then that oh sugar i need to get my amber leaf or i should of paid my Vodaphone bill . Ive borrowed money off everyone and i can't afford to pay them back ! No one trusts me because of my reputation Yeah alright ive never stolen any money but people don't trust me. I just sit and wait for my next payday to get my fix and im stuck in this constant battle this viscous cycle, Its like the Devil is controling me he is constantly on my shoulder, Being woken up 3 am, Its like the Devil is poking me with a stick,. C.mon Rebecca wake up c'mon rebecca get on the computer and gamble.... I have probably left out other things i forgot to mention that previously lost many bank accounts due to me ringing them up lying to them pretending that the gambling transactions was not me and the bank later found out it was me after investigating and they closed me down! . If anyone on here has delt with this or is dealing with this. Please reach out to me i would love to hear your side of the story. I want to be a better person its ruined my life. its taken away everything i ever had. I lost relationship's over gambling. I might live with my mum who is 74 nearly 75 years old. She doesn't understand my problem. I feel isolated, Lonely. Actually quite sad i have tears in my eyes now just typing this. I've been stuck at home for years now because of gambling its taken away my freedom All because in my head slots/bingo they owe me money all the money ive lost. I keep wanting to chase it all back!. It never works !.
Hi Rebecca,
 that is a very brave and raw account of where you are at. I am 47, and have been a gambler since I was 17 (I had 14 years off it). Recently I have found myself being drawn back in - worse than ever - and with more credit/ cash available to me than ever too.Â
 I am fortunate enough to own my own home, and car - and have a perfect credit score. The damage that I can potentially do here is frightening.  I have reached out to- because this demon has never left me, it has just lay dormant - waiting for its opportunity to prey on my weaknesses again…..Â
 I found a reason to give up 14 years ago - a partner and children that relied on me to be financially sensible…. I need to find a reason again, and quickly.Â
 Just know, that with the right incentive/ mindset - it can be done.  It will never leave you - but the beast can be caged - I just need to learn to hide the key better, the next time I get the little f****r back in its box.
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stay strong 😊😊
Welldone for reaching out this is the first step to admitting you have a problem i am regularly on here since my last major relapse on day 735 without a bet you can rest assured their are many people struggling with this addiction you are not alone i did similar stuff like u buy stuff on credit then sell stuff on this went on for many years however things can improve and has my life is going i know just how easy it is to relapse due to the amount of gambling it got to a stage i knew gambling was running me and i couldnt get go any longer it took few weeks for the urgues to settle and life become normal after few months however with this addiction it always their and i have learnt since i managed 3 years previously before i gave into a minor urge i know i can help minimize these urgues by coming on here regularly and being aware my gambling always ended up the same way has soon as i place a bet i simiply cant stop and if i do manage to take the money out im back gambling the following day its like it takes over mind and i cant think of anything else am now at a stage gambling doesnt interest me and i find talking about it quite boring however i have to push myself to use this site as it what keeping living this new life
Rebecca, the simple fact is that you will never win and you will never get your money back. You are chasing the adrenalin fix, which means no matter how much you win you will put it back it in to get that high again.  You say feel the casino owes you money, which is nonsensical, you bought entertainment off them, the same way you would pay for going to the pictures - it's just a sight more expensive.
When you get to the point that you are actually lying to banks about transactions and trying to get them to refund the money (which is a criminal offence), it is time to take whatever drastic steps you have to, to get back on track.
What is not evident here is any steps you have taken to control your gambling and put restrictions in place:
GAMBAN for online, MOSES for Bookies, Block your bank cards for gambling transactions.
This gambling has now become a panacea for boredom for you, you live with your 74 year old mother, you never leave the house as you spend all your money on gambling and this is the only time you feel excitement. You need to break the cycle and find an alternative obsession.  For me it is the gym, for you it could be something completely different, but you need to find it while you are still young. Â
Ditch the gambling, find a life, don't be that cat lady on the park bench when you get older!
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@pe6xwf4bai 14 years wow that is amazing and also scary at the same time u would think after the amount of time passed surly u can put gambling behind u however i do totally understand this and it a case of not giving in i managed around 3 years doing this however i now understand it could have been 8 years i would have relapsed knowing it wasent the urgue it was more to do with the fact i believed i am cured and i learnt a very tough lesson since then the time is irrelivent the addiction never improves and will always remain the same which is now what i have accept however addiction doesnt work like this i will always be tested
Hi Rebecca
Thank yoy for sharing your very raw and emotional post. I came here tonight looking for a reason not to go back and you have made me realise even more that this isnt the life I want for me and my family. So, you have done good by posting this. I completely empathise with how you feel.....really I do. I started gambling a good few years ago now. Each time id quit and then go back. Each time taking a piece of my soul with it. Can I share the reason why I wanted to stop. It wasn't for my family. It wasn't for a better life. I quit because I wanted too. Yes its as simple as that. After 16 years something in me has clicked and I can finally say that I no longer have a desire to gamble. With all the help in the world if you dont want this bad enough it won't matter.Â
DO IT FOR YOU and only you and you WILL succeed.....
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Good luck 👍 💓 im 139 days gf
@xj0biw2zva you made a great point on you wanted to quit this is the key element and it taken me back up to 736 days without a bet so some success i have accumlated this is a good mindset to be in the issue now is this addicrion is no walk in the park and has it caught me off gaurd previously i cant gaurantee i will be bet free for life wish it was the case i read a story on another lady who was bet free 14 years and relapsed and countless other people relapasing some could have been prevented now i know truma and extreme stress is my weakness if im not tested gambling is dead to me the more i am improving the more catious i am becoming
Hi rebecca
Reading your story, this is exactly how I am, get paid then spend all my money online games, then literally cry and feel so rubbish as iv nothing left not even for bills, I have now blocked myself from everything but the urge is always there 😢
This is like me. Like i had wrote it myself. I really feel for you as i am the exact same. It’s a never ending cycle which is very frustrating just sat there waiting for your pay to go into your bank so you can get straight to it. I used to wake early hours to gamble and it was like someone was stood there saying c’mon get up and get on those sites. I find it very disturbing and it makes me feel physically sick. Mine also started of in my local buzz club where I enjoyed the bingo at first but then I started on the slots and in the end I went more or less every night just to get my slot fix. I was often the last one in there playing until they closed at midnight and when I think back now what the staff must have thought. I only stopped going as the place closed down but then it was actually more convenient to sit in my own home and gamble away from everyone with no time limit ect.Â
big hugs to you and I hope things get better for you soon x
I read your post and I really feel for you, it is a vicious cycle. When I reading your post hearing about the wins it was nearly triggering for me because it’s funny isn’t it how we remember our wins and seem to cling on to that part but do we ever admit to the full extent the losses like really look at it.
For me the best step I took was I called the banks to block my cards from sites, Gamban is on everything and I left my phone with my partner every night because you need to make sure you don’t have the environment or access to gambling. It does get easier the urges reduce and you build a strength in yourself to be able to put the urge at bay however for those moments when you can’t you need to put obstacles in place so you don’t have access to gambling. So reduce access to money, leave your phone with your mam overnight , block your cards and free yourself. The best tip I ever learnt is when you gamble don’t be hard on yourself because gambling feeds off that energy and makes you want to gamble again but in actual fact be kind to yourself build yourself back again you are a good person anyone can fall to gambling, you deserve a happy debt free life and one slip is not the end of the world because you are strong and you can conquer this.Â
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