Hi all,
like mosts posts on here I have also hit rock bottom. I started off online gambling on slots around 2 and a half years ago and lost well over 15k in the first year and a half. It was probably a lot more than that.
I was an online gambler and Never set foot in a casino or betting shop because it never appealed to me.
I tried everything to quit, told my partner, ordered numerous bank cards and got someone to scratch the back 3 numbers off. I swapped my iPhone to an android so I could get a certain gambling app that would stop me accessing any sites along with a million other things.
Finally Gamban was released and I immediately joined and stopped gambling for a good couple of months and I’d never been happier.
A few months ago I popped into a bingo hall and that was the worst mistake I’ve ever made and I don’t say that lightly.
I have borrowed money left right and centre to help feed my addiction over the last few months and when I lose it all which is every single time I walk away from the slots I have a cry and tell myself this is the last time but it never is.
I got paid Friday and guess what it’s all gone apart from £40 and that’s all I have left from working 50 hours a week for 4 weeks solid and I’m on a decent salary.
To say I’m disgusted with myself is an understatement and to make things worse I am going on holiday in two weeks time. The flights are paid for yet but the hotel isn’t and I of course need spending money along with money to live off for the months yet it’s all gone every single penny of it.
I’m going away with my best friend and she’s so excited. We’ve been looking forward to it for months, she texts me everyday about it. How the hell am i meant to tell her she’s lost the flight money and whatever she’s spent on holiday clothes because we’re not going well certainly not together due to me spending my entire monthly wage in about 3 hours across two evenings.
Why do we do this to ourselves? This addiction ends lives, ends relationships, ends friendships and ends happiness In fact it does nothing but create thousands of pounds worth of debt, depression, stress and anxiety and yet we still do it time and time again.
I admit I have a gambling problem but I also believe I can be saved. I owe my family some money but not a crazy amount and I have a credit card with a small balance but that’s it. Because I squander all my wages month after month as opposed to taking out loans. I could have everything paid off by the end of the year if I stay away from these machines but I don’t know how too.
Are there any support what’s app groups out there? Someone to talk to when you get one of them vile urges?
Any help would be much appreciated. I will of course ban myself from whatever I can and get someone to look after my bank card etc. But every gambling addict knows that when you get that urge you will fight it and fight it but ultimately you will always find a way. I need more than that I need to talk to someone who understands everything when them horrible urges rear their head.
Many thanks for reading
Hi I relate to your story. If its any consolation I haven't been on any sort of holiday for 20 years because of my addiction to the slots. I squander all my wages and take out loans which I will have hanging around my neck for years. Sometimes I don't have the money for bus fares to get to work and I have to eat very cheaply.
I guess what am saying is that things could always be worse. The only true rock bottom is when we leave this world.
As you suggest you know what you need to do. make it as hard as possible for yourself to gamble. Self exclusions and Gamstop for online and limit the amount of money you have access to when feeling vulnerable.
You gamble to escape yourself and switch off for a while whilst in action. Thats it, nothing more. Its not the money.
You will find your way forward through your current pre-dicament, just as I will through mine. All the best... S.A
Massive sympathy for you, most can resonate with all that.
Please go on the holiday, borrow the money as it sounds like you dont have too much debt.You need to get away.
Comeback and do this.comeback on here and we will try to help as well as encouraging you to stop this evil addiction.
Go on holiday.thats my first bit of advice.
Hi
The recovery program helped me understand that I could not do it on my own, to become healthy I needed to listen learn and relate from other people, to see and feel myself in other people and their experiences healthy and unhealthy.
Once I put a lot of time and effort in to my recovery and handed over all of my finances and started to abstain my recovery was going to become much easier.
The money was just the fuel for my addiction.
I did not respect myself and I did not respect money.
I was unable to show appreciation and gratitude sincerely.
It was important for me to understand and learn each time I went back to gamble what my emotional triggers were.
The recovery program helped me understand that I was like a rat in a wheel going faster and faster getting no where healthy.
I am a non religious person and have been able to find a healthy spiritual life with out being religious.
Today I have more balance in my life which helped me move from obsessive to being even more balanced in my life.
The addictions and obsessions were just symptoms that I was not a healthy person.
The recovery program helped me understand that when I went to gambling it was a form of escape.
The recovery program helped me understand what my emotional triggers were.
The recovery program helped me understand that gambling was a very unhealthy habit for me.
Please keep going to meetings, you will benefit from it in so many ways.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
I agree with Holycrosser. Go on the holiday if you can borrow that amount. The damage you'll do to your friendship and yourself is high. However,you have to bargain with yourself that this is it- you'll go on the holiday but you have to quit gambling. Phone the casinos/ bingo halls and ban yourself. Install Gamstop if you haven't already. Get referred for counselling via gamcare. You can do this- check in with us here regularly. I am 60 days GF tomorrow and believe me my story is very similar but you can do this. Think of this misery, the pain you are in. Xx
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