I need support , I can’t do this by myself anymore. I have been we my partner for 6 years and over the last couple of years my gambling has become out of control. I haven’t been able to confide in anyone. I feel ashamed and embarrassed a failure and stupid. We are both woman but opposites I have never been in control of my money , I can’t manage money and she helped me at the beginning get everything bill wise and debts ( not gambling ) under control . My partner is the kind of person who has savings and a great credit credit score and works hard and wouldn’t dream of wasting a penny. My partner is currently away atm and is back tomorrow. I’m planning on taking her out somewhere away from the house to confess.i don’t want my kids knowing. At best I’d like her to help me but taking control of my income and bills and just giving small amount of cash. There is a chance she will leave me. I know she will be devastated and completely gutted I didn’t tell her sooner but I can’t go on without help. I’m scared.Can I ask how have other peoples partners reacted ?Â
Hi,Â
Your situation sounds very similar to how mine previously was.Â
My best advice would be to be as open as you can, I know you would probably like to shield parts of the truth (as deep down your brain still wants you to gamble) Â but it is best to be completely honest at the first opportunity.
Opening a joint account with my partner helped me an awful lot & closing all personal accounts (once loans were finally cleared). This made my partner see all financial transactions so I couldn't be hiding anything anymore. I had a choice to continue gambling or lose my partner, as she had previously helped me out so much and I kept going behind her back.Â
Stopping to gamble completely is very very difficult, people that are not addicted will never ever understand. I now have an agreement with my partner to do some very small bets on football or golf for the week, just to have some interest, but never any more than the budget. This has helped me to learn not to chase and not to get angry over losing and move on to the next week.
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Your partner will want you to get over this, so you can be happy together in the future.
I was an extremely heavy gambler and have lost ridiculous amounts of money that I can't comprehend but once you get under control you will start to respect and understand the worth of money again.
Happy for you to reach out to me if you ever need to chat.
Take care and good luck with everything. Â
I’m currently going through the same thing.Â
We got this and can get through it.Â
I have just told my wife for the 2nd time. Â
I had been clean, then 2 years 6 months ago started again. Â
The mental pressure this addiction was putting on me was getting too much, not eating sleeping and it felt my body was in the room but my mind somewhere else.
I broke down to my wife yesterday and told her everything, my heart broke for her as its the lies that hurt more i feel.
We have sat down this afternoon and looked at finances and we where we go from here.
Telling your partner will be the hardest thing you will ever do... but it is the start of a new beginning to sort you life out. Seek help and be honest.Â
Giving an update , thank you all for your reply’s and support . I told my partner and she has been amazing supportive and I feel like a weight has been lifted . I know this is just the start and I have to make sure I keep open and honest with her and work together to help me through this.Â
Well done for telling her, as I feel I have been through something similar.Â
it would have felt like the worst day of your life but also one of the best as the relief and pressure taken off from not hiding it anymore.Â
Be strong and just focus on the next chapter.
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