So I have been gamble free since November 2024, I'm starting to have some urges coming back again. I am registered with Gamstop, and Gamban. Just for a bit of context I will share my background story.
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December 2023 I had a really bad gambling problem and my then partner found out about this, it tore our relationship apart however I was 5 months pregnant with our second child so after months and months of arguments, trust issues etc we finally decided to give it another go. However I stupidly started gambling again, we never tried to fix anything in the relationship nor did we even "try" we were both absolutely miserable and when he found out I was gambling again (I own that) it all came to an end in November 2024. Obviously I have been clean since, he also found out that I had taken and sold some personal items of his, something I am deeply ashamed off, I was so in the addiction at the time it literally just took over my life and turned me into a different person.Â
It's taken me 8 months to find somewhere to live so I am literally about to move out and a few months ago I found out he was also sleeping with someone, it literally was a dagger through my heart and I have had all these emotions confusing and conflicting me. Until I come to the realisation that I don't not want to be with him, I love him so much and I would do anything to try again. So I wrote him a letter last week, which he has read, it is the most rawest, emotional letter I have ever written. It goes into detail over the gambling, that part of me wants to try again well you get the Jist. Anyway he hasn't brought up the letter, but I have noticed a difference in him and now I feel more conflicted than ever. I don't know how to deal with all these feelings, and now the thought of gambling is back.
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My question is, has anyone been through this? Any coping strategies.Â
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Sorry for rambling for thank you for reading ❤️
The issue with gambling with the right measures and support the addiction can be contained but never beaten since my last major replase i decided i needed to make change and just by puttling block in place and attwnding the odd Ga session which i started back in 2010 which i tried many times over and was on and off just for the sake off it had reached it peak and i continued to have relapses last replase being the worst one, longest gamble free i made it to around 3 years however i understand why i relapsed and would have eventually i am on day 735 since my last relapse the diff is this time around i am more aware of this illness a relapse can happen for a number of reasons as the way my brain works i cant handle stress and truma these are the times addiction has had one over me i also i know if i dont give into the urgues i can remain gamble free i am also quite vulnerable and due to the fact gambling is everywhere it hard to get away since putting an effort into my recovery and using this site on a daily basis i am far more aware the dangers just by simply being in a pub im at risk of a relapse something i never put any thought off it as my gambling took place in venues rather then online due to the nature of this addiction i cannot rule anything out i have to close all avenue sadly i know i cant find ways if i really want to gamble however it my duty and care is to minimize the risk i dont have many friends and family who understand this addiction and also some of my collegues are not their to serve my best intrest however i cant shift the blame this is where personal responsibility comes in yes i will be tested and i will always have to watch over my back however if keep at my recovery things will only get betterÂ
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