A little about myself, im 31years old and i live with my Dad. I went to university after school, and after completing two years successfully I started to get into gambling. As a student I never had much money so I came across a site that showed you how you could make money from gambling(ill not mention the site because I wouldnt want anyone to read the site and think they too could make some risk free cash). I follwed the instructions of the site and sure enough I did start to make money from this. However, I would end up using the balance in my betting website to try my luck on casinos. I got hooked on roulette instantly!
I never completed my 3rd year at Uni, and for the last 8 years ive been gambling away all my money, and others money. Ive been in debt so many times, and my dad has had to pay the debts off.
However, over the last two years things have really got out of control. My dad took early retirement because he needed his lump sum to pay off debts I had ran up. Since then, Ive told my dad so many lies about owing people money. I was telling my dad i was being extorted for money but i couldnt tell him why! Crazy! Im so ashamed of myself for what Ive put my dad through.
Ive probably lost over £120,000 in the last 12months. My dads retirement fund has completely gone, he's £3000 into an overdraft, he owes family members around £20000, althought two of the family members have said they didnt want the £10,000 back. Ive been telling him lies every month, making up stories and been getting £3000-£5000 at a time. I believe everytime I would following the site into making the 'gauranteed' money but every time I fal by the wayside and start gambling. I also started putting money on horses on ******* exhange. I dont know how many times Ive put a £5000 bet on to win £10, and ive lost! Its incredible. The thing is my dad thinks I have a job and im due a bonus next week which i said would pay his overdraft off. I lost my job 7 months ago. Not through gambling though, I lost my job because of my poor performance working from home. I was unable to meet targets because i was sometimes going to the toilet 10-15 times a day and so i would obviously lose valuable work time. I was too embarrassed to tell my work it was because i was going to the toilet so much( my job involved working from home).
I developed real strong stomach pains and sickness years ago. I put this down to the strress of the money I was losing. It turns out I have a severe case of crohns disease. I found this out about two years ago but ive never found treatment that has helped me. However on Friday I started a new 'super' treatment that should get me in remission and make me feel better.
Last week I told lies to my dad who had to ask friends for money, I dont even know how much, i think I lost about £10,000. Ive been chasing my loses because im in so much debt and have no job. So i know its time to come clean and tell my dad everything, including other debt of about £9000 i owe.
Ill need to tell him i lost my job. I have several loans, and payday loans out, I owe friends £3000. I know my dads going to be heartbroken but i hope he sticks by me.
My dad has gambled all his life, almost every week. But im talking £1-2 bets a week. He places 10p on football games just for an interest. He will probably feel a little bad about it because he talks about bets with me all the time and ive been hiding this for years.
Im so ashamed of what ive done, but i need help and coming clean about all these lies is a start. My dad will probably be forced to sell his house now, because i obviously cant pay any money back while not working. IN truth Id like to go back and finish my degree but ill see how things go.
I dont know if I should tell a family member first or should I tell my dad first? My dad isnt the best at expressing his feelings and im amazed he's been able to ask the people he has for money. Ive put him through hell and I dont know how he'll react. I dont know if I should maybe tell the family member(the person who lent my dad £5000 and asked for it not to be paid back, which was an incredible gesture.) about what ive got, and addiction, and tel him the whole truth about my secret live for 6-7years. The only reason why i think i should say to the family member first is to save my dad having to tell this person. My dad is definetly going to have to ask this person for money, because my dad is at the max of his overdraft and was counting on this money from me. The family member will help my dad im sure, so i dont know if i would be helping my dad by telling my family friend first or could that person possibly think i was being cheeky and looking for a way out? IM not sure what to do, however I have no money and im going to come clean about everything tomorrow.
Should I tell my uncle first so he can support my dad when he finds out, or should I tell my dad first? IM really not sure.
Either way he is going to be so disappointed in me, heartbroken, but i do feel he will be able to forgive me, I dont think he'll through me out so to speak. My dad will have to sell the house to pay back the debts to family and friends, but im lucky enough to come from a good family and we do stay in a large house worth £200000, and my dad has been planning on downsizing anyway. There was 6 of us in the house at one point. My my mum died of cancer when i was 18, and my sisters are all married with kids now. All my cousins are dentists and doctors and i just feel Ive let everyone down. I put a claim in jobseekers allowance yesterday so i should be able to survive on this. I will be giving my dad my online bank details to keep an eye on what im spending, and ill even give him my bank card if he wishes. Ive caused my dad so much pain and im just about to make everything x100 worse, because he thinks the stories have stopped and i dont owe any people any money.
Ive rambled on a bit there and some probably doesnt make sense. Is there anyone who has been in a similar situation and come clean to there parent? Is this the best way or shoud I say to a family member who i think would be there to support my dad not just financially but help him emotionally come to terms with what im about to tell him?
Thanks!
I hope im not being a bit harsh here,but you speak as if its your dad`s problem?
Your 31,your dad bailing you out will not help you in the long run,if i was you i would get some debt advice,but more importantly start work on your gambling problem.
You will find lots of help/advice on this forum,put up barriers,blocking software,self exclusion anything to give yourself a breather from gambling.
I would take responsibility for my own debts be it an iva,bankrupcty or dmp,a hard lesson to learn,i would never dream of letting my parents sell their home.
Sorry if i sound hard,i wish you all the best in combating your gambling problem
I didt mean to come across like that, its just the debts are in his name. I wish i had an option of iva etc, but debts in my name are being repaid at a small amount every two weeks, and im not looking for money to pay them off, ill continue to do that with my jobseekers allowance. However the debts that i have taken out in his name i.e. the money he has borrowed from friends etc, he wants to pay them back as soon as possible. Obviously i cant pay them back while not working and going bankrupt would not give them the money.
You cant make me feel any worse than i do. I contemplated suicide a few times over the last couple of years, and by telling my dad the truth I am in a way taking responsibility. However, I cant help financially.
The reason i spoke loosely about the house is because my dad has been thinking of selling the house for years because its far too big for the two of us. Its costs too much for heat and electricity, and his bed room is on the 2nd floor and struggles from time to time getting up and down. My sisters have pressed him on numerous occasions to sell the house for a while because its an old house and its not practical, and its harder to maintain at his age.
I feel awful for what Ive done but unfortunetly iva, bankruptcy wouldnt help the situation ive put my dad in. My dad might just say he cant trust me and through me out the house, i wouldnt blame him.
Apologies Paddy,I didnt mean to make you feel bad,it was how i read your initial post,I didnt realise the debts are in your fathers name.
I dont want to pry but i would imagine your dad must have an incline into where all the money has gone?
I know us cg`s are good at conjuring up the odd porky to get funds,all part of the illness.
Whats done is done tho Paddy,you have to put those losses behind you,youre never gona win anything back,even if you do,you will yearn for more,its how the addiction works.
Were all on this forum because of problems created by gambling,ive done worse deeds than you.
Im sure if you explain to your dad the extent of your problem he will stand by you and help you in productive ways to stay gamble free.
I wish you all the best Paddy,you`ve done the correct thing in seeking help,maybe GA is an option,I attended off and on for a few years.it did help or maybe start a recovery diary.
Its the start of the recovery road that will only bring you happiness and peace,good luck Paddy.
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