2021 MY AMBLE TOWARDS THE NOT GAMBLE

Thanks al just what I needed to hear.... A bit down this morning but read this diary back yesturday and it reminded me of this years and next years targets that I hope to smash....  I'm a bit heavier today although I only ate a small amount yesturday so just about to go for a walk, to brush off the cobwebs and burn some calories... I'm striving to not fall back into the vices that have been so prominent in my life....I feel strong but it just takes one lapse and I would be back where I started, I will not give in....  I've been having one slice of bread for lunch instead of two, no snacks and as little suger as possible...  I don't know how long I can do this for but it brings a fresh objective to my life to achieve and id love to look slim and healthy when I go to that wedding in September....   40 is the new 30 I guess at this age its best to act on weaknesses rather that dwell, if I'm standing still I'm not doing anything.. .. I'm determined, I feel a bit down but that's no excuse to stop achieving my objectives I'll just hang in here and wait till the dark mind clouds clear....  All the best al you've really been there when I've needed u, I really hope for a healthy 2021 for u with love and joy..... LETS DO THIS

Hi Adam,

I've been here long enough to know what you're like when you get your teeth into something. The last 12 months you've become THE TERMINATOR. That's why I know 2021 will be another good year for you. What dark clouds are there ?. Shoulder surgery over, a year GF, clear objectives & remember hospital doctors, nurses, porters & even cleaners go out week in & week out putting the health & safety of others before their own. Every day doing something for others. Help me out here I'm struggling to see anything else but clear blue skies. Not a dark cloud in sight.

Al

Hi al cheers for that mate, yep there are a lot of positives Just got to stick to my plans and all will be good....I think I just think too much... Another day to do my excercizes and go for a walk let's do this.

Just listening to spurs then I'll go on my walk.  Can spurs turn this around its games like this that make a season!

Walked 3.8k, then a small yet filling meal with plenty of protein, another good day...  Spurs lost but we've had a tough run and its very close at the top..  

I hardly think about gambling anymore which is great, I only think of it when I walk past a bookie I've been in before.  To be honest every time I've been in said bookie before its ended badly so I don't know why I'd want to, I guess its just the excitement that I crave deep down not the reality of losing and ruining a great gf run.  Needless to say I won't ever be going in..   

Cheers Stace xx

Adam you are doing so well well done 

scotty??

Another night where I'm not able to sleep, thoughts of work, promotion possibilities, career prospects, what I want from job, would more money even help me, what I want from life, soo much I've been thinking about just cantvstop thinking.  Maybe this is me getting back to how I was before schizophrenia, I used to have ocd and obsess about work, it kept me up at night but I done really well at work and sales targets were always smashed.  But now I tend to think now I'm older and wiser that over thinking can hinder me..... I mean it just gets me to sleep less.  Also what should I have to think about about work when my shift ends I leave the job at work I'm not in charge of people anymore.....  Anyway I'll just listen to some music, have my cup of tea and try and get some sleep.... Got to be up early tomo as my go ringing me at 830am to see about renewing my sick certificate... All the best adam

It's 2.40 am & I'm too drinking tea feeling restless, over thinking etc. Awful when your body's tired but the brain isn't. Maybe my wife is right when she says CGs have obsessive personalities.

Al

Thank you for popping by Scotty.  Yes al I really think we do.  Another day beckons....

Good morning Adam,

I am no medical expert but i have known you for several years.

I personally think your mind is over thinking future scenarios. I noticed in myself that when i reached a gambling recovery anniversary (such as you recently have done), my mind went out of sync for a few weeks. Some of the focus that went into recovery needs to be channeled elsewhere but the mind is putting to many obstacles in place.

Perhaps you are looking too far ahead?

Its always healthy to have a goal and a challenge but please dont let it consume you.

I have a mini personal challenge for the rest of this year which is not to allow covid or brexit to influence my mind and my thoughts.

In essence we must continue to look after ourselves physically and mentally as the world is a tough place at the moment.

All i am suggesting is to re evaluate things and perhaps break it down into manageable chunks.

Best

yes bal I think u maybe right, I put soo much effort mentally into reaching the year gf mark along with my other objectives I've become a bit lost to what I'm trying to achieve like I've won a trophy but what do u do after the trophy....I started by setting objectives straight away and going for them but maybe I should have just sat back and taken a look at the trophy and admired it for a while?  Just a thought, cheers bal, al and scotty

Phoned gp surgery this morning and signed off for another two weeks, then saw my physio this afternoon and he gave me some more exercises to do.....  Really struggling with exercises my shoulder literally stopping at the right angle and i need to get it better to the point where its 180 degreees not 90 degrees.......  Really tough, really hope it gets better and not stuck like this.....Really hope this is just th rock bottom of shoulder ability and it steadily improves.... just got to beleive it will.

Good to exercise your shoulder Adam but be careful not to overdo it and risk damage.

You are an inspirational man and I admire your drive but remember to give yourself a bit of slack.

Best wishes.

Aum 

Had a good day today, im typing this with two hands!!! Slowly but thought i should get back to normality.  Wash myself this morning, cooked my lunch, washed up, wrapped presents, done exercises...  Got to be patient tho rome wasnt built in a day..... Going back to work 4th january hopefully so thats an aim to get better before then....If not back to full health then i guess ill do some less physical jobs at work..

All in all a good day.