21st of October 2012- That day

Hello mate been a while just doing some rounds and thought of your good self. I hope you are well as i said its been a while so if you do come on here from time to time dont forget to drop in an update. Take care of yourself.

Been bloody ages since I've been on here, it's people like Dave999 who deserve huge praise for consistently keeping up to date with people, a true gentleman and someone I'd personally like to thank for helping myself. Had planned to come on here when I hit my year anniversary but I forgot the name of the site! That just shows I need to up my game on here but yeah a year has been hit and whilst I'm proud I made it I know it's not the end of my journey, that's the thing with addiction you can't say you've beat it until there's no trace of it and lets be honest there'll always be a temptation of sorts, for example I like watching some of the late night poker and there's that little voice in my head saying 'you could do that, you were good at it before, this time would be different as you've changed' Then I watch a little more and realise that 1 guy leaves really happy as the winner and the rest go off with some winnings but still wanting to be that number 1 player, that's our problem we all want to be the best, we're all overcome with greed and wanting more than what we've got... How many times have you been in profit during a day and instead of walking out with a tidy little sum you kept pushing it, trying to get more and in some ways I remember have winnings like that and it was burning a hole, like it didn't belong to me so I kept going until I had nothing left and the feeling of frustration as you walk out and look at the 'normal' people with their fancy cars, houses, clothes even just some fancy food I would have been happy with but the reality was all that was on my mind was gambling, ways to make money... all that energy was wasted when I could've easily got my own house by now if I had listened to the people around me sooner. In football terms I wasn't match fit, I was performing at 50% in everything as there was always this niggling thought of how I could make my bank balance look better. Now lets make one thing clear having ambition is no bad thing but it is when all it does is consume you, I thought my way to a better life was the easy route but throwing a few bets here and there and everything would work out, the press glamourise the lottery winners tell of these small bets people have placed and won millions... there's always a story of the little guy making it and that line of thinking makes us think that could be us some day. The thing is when you do get all that money and you've spent the last 9 or 10 years gambling it away well then what changes, what does having money change in your life- you have more things but do you have more friends or feel any better about yourself.... normally it's the friends that stick around when they haven't needed you or seen you at your lowest point and stuck by you, had faith in you to realise you have potential- my conclusion is there are different ways of realising your potential the question is do you want to be remembered as a gambler, my uncle will be remembered just as that and I know he's worth much more than that title but the problem is we don't deserve things we have to work hard for them.

wow, great post. you are right in all you say. and the difference in tone from your first thread to the last one is massive. congrats on your continued abstinence and keep up the good work

Great post ST the reply is a little late lol but I was thinking of some people I haven't heard from in a while and found your diary I know you don't post a lot now (I haven't been the last couple of months to be honest) but when ya do drop in just wanna say well done on the year, it's a massive achievement and you should be proud of how well your doing, it's not easy and you deserve a pat on the back. Keep it up mate and keep dropping in now and again let us know all is well. Take care.

First post of 2014, happy to say no bets... It won't be easy but it's well worth it when you can quit, it's coming up to a year and a half for me and things have changed ridiculously so... Last year I travelled 7 different countries, this year I plan to double that- off to Germany and Holland for 10 days exploring and going to try sneak off to Prague too- once Europe is completed then it'll be Asia for a month. The reason I mention this is not to show off but to say that none of these plans would have been possible back when gambling was part of my life, gambling consumes everything in it's path when you're addicted... it's like leading a life with good intentions and never doing anything good, the irony is the funny part.

It's the start of Cheltenham and it's no coincidence that I'm on here when it starts, thought I'd try and say to anybody reading that things will be better if you start/continue to stay away from gambling... nobody answers to anybody but themselves, once you get to over a year it's almost impossible to go back gambling especially knowing it's a journey you don't want to repeat... I saw a good saying 'Rock bottom was the solid foundation I built my life back on'... it's as solid a foundation you will get, it's up to you where that leads.

So anyway, if anybody feels like their struggling and could do with any advice I'll happily offer what I can!