This is my diary,
yes its for me to add to and help my progress,but also its for anyone that wants to rad it, relate to it, and if it helps then all good.
I have always enjoyed a bet, mainly football at the weekend with a 3 or 4 fold accumulator normally all away teams. normally just 20 quid a time nothing too heavy.
unfortunately there are these casino machines in the bookies now! £500 can be won in one spin and had many of those wins but to me and like most addicts its never enough.
i always start with number 23 as then main number normally 10 quid straight, then numbers 20,14,and 31 and 8 and 10!!! never change that pattern win lose or draw!!!!
but why cant i walk away, why cant i think its my little mans birthday this week take the 50quid you won and buy him a nice present and do the right thing! but no, you put it back in til its gone.
my main problem started 4 years ago, i had my own pub, always the joker and centre of attention. that was until the doors were closed and i would go online and play the roulette, until i didnt have any money, then i added the business debit card and used all that money.
my son was born october 23rd 2009 hence number 23 all the time. he was hardly 3 months old when i had used all the money i had, plus the business. i had vat topay and the brewery had my account on stop. every time i shut the door at night at the pub i got deeper and deeper into depression 2 weeks before xmas i thought everyone would be better off without me, i tried taking my own life and very nearly succeeded. recovery was hard, the impact it had on my family was huge. no one knew of my problem or my depression like a typical gambler i hid it all.
i went to my local branch of GA in newmarket which i found brilliant, it really helped me realise i actually have a problem and that is is actually an addiction.
i was clean and bet free for over a year, had a few wobbles along the way then it started to get worse, started using pay day loans, using my own money then january this year i made the huge mistake of taking the money from the company i worked for, it was a thursday and had the banking in my pocket with the intention of banking it but popped into the bookies to use the 20 quid i had in my pocket of my own money.
yep you guessed it! couldnt just use my money and stood at the machine until all the takings were gone"!! i was totally numb, felt sick and shaking. i had the same feelings i felt 4 years ago, but i could not this time do what i done then, i had to face it and phoned my boss and told him what i had done and waited for the fallout,
i was living in at the time, lost my home, my joband my girlfriend.
i got 140 hours community service which i have done 2 days.
i need to stop, i want to stop and i will stop.
Hi Karlos
You stayed clean before you can do it this time. As CGs we seem to be addicted to the pain our problems cause as well. When you went into the bookies you knew exactly what you were doing. I used to set myself up all the time and the same result happened time after time. All I did, when I won, was buy more time in a zombiefied state in front of the roulette machine. whatever you did before (GA) do the same. Hold your head up high and own your behaviour for it is you. This can be arrested if you want it to. Keep reading and posting and doing the right things. Red 23 will become a distant memory as your recovery gets stronger.
Take care
hi ive managed to stop gambling for 46 days today so u can stop too, I gambled on roulette machines in the betting offices, but the worst form of gambling I did online roulette gambling. I lost a fortune. I know have no job as I was made redundant from my job, but then I became a carer then after a year I fell ill and ive not worked for a whole year. before I stopped gambling for 6months and 10 days.
thankyou both for your words, means alot. i know i am a long journey. never really looked at this site before but spent today looking at some posts and diaries and it has given me alot of strength to succeed.
thankyou all.
updates to follow
Mate, that is a brutally honest and i can only imagine tough post to write.
Although everyones story on here is different, they are all really the same - Gambling has wreaked our live! No matter how big or small the consequences, its badly affected each and every one of us in different ways. The crazy thing is, we can stop it, by never going near a bookie (Online or high street) ever again! I hate gambling mate, i hate what its turned me into - A sneaky, lying, cheap man. I'm seriously determined to change my habits bud and the amount of positive feeling and advice you will get on this site will make you want to curb it for good this time too.
We have to man, we got to let this addiction go or it will ruin and destroy our lives. People here care, offer the best advice and when times are really bad in your head, come on here bro and put a post out - Someone will respond and put things back into perspective.
Life's too short to be looking at a wee ball, willing it into 23 but it taking a wee bump and going into 5. We can make our own ball go into 23 by not gambling and focusing our attentions of something good and worthwhile. Then we can win every time.
Gambling has ruined a lot of my life already and its ruined yours too bud, but that can stop now. We dont need to do it anymore - Life will be better without it.
Keep strong mate, read posts, jot your feelings down and change your thinking!
All the best my man,
Drew
hi drew, thankyou so much for your words, i have only been on this site for 48 hours but feel humbled by the support people have shown me already, and its horrifying to read some of the posts and to see how much this thing changes so many peoples lives. not just the poeple who gamble but close family and friends caught in the cross fire.
thank you.
karl
Karlos,
Welcome to the forum and well done for finding your way here. I, like you, have experienced some terrible struggles with roulette. I can have total control with football bets but simply cannot even go into a betting establishment now to put a football coupon on because it only leads me to chase losses on roulette or reinvest wins on roulette. Eventually all is lost.
Today, I am sixty days free from gambling and I feel great. It can be a long road but an enjoyable one and a journey with calm and peace. I think that is all we ever want to be able to go to bed at night and not stare at the ceiling wide awake full of shame, fear, hurt and sadness. Start to clock up the days and eventually the dark clouds will be replaced by blue skies.
I wish you well.
P.S. These roulette machines must be fixed. Your sequence of numbers are the exact same as mine although I had 17 and zero thrown in as well. I have many friends who play who also back roughly the same numbers. Does anyone ever back 2, 4, 22, 24. These numbers rarely came up when I played and I played everyday for years.
Tomso.
thanks to those that have sent messages and thanks to those that have just had a bit of read.
started a new job on the 21st of feb, cant believe the owners have given me such an oppurtunity after i sat down and confessed all that i had done, i owe alot to them and yet another couple of reasons to make sure i make this work.
i have got back in touch with the newmarket branch of G.A which helped me a great deal back in the day.
it is now head down time, keep strong and motivated for the new job ahead. and also the new major over haul internally of making sure i read the signs and reach out to someone before it goes too far.
karl
small steps people!!!!
Hi Karl, well done for picking yourself and getting a new job mate. Sometimes I think people think it is enough to just be making the effort to stop gambling and attend a few meetings, but you have to make life changes as well to draw a line under what has gone before. You are on a new chapter of your life now and i'm sure you'll make the most of the opportunity that has presented itself to you. Honesty and integrity goes along way and your employers obviously saw those qualities in you. Good luck.
Just to let you know I took an interest in your diary initially as I used to be a real roulette fiend myself and my best pal who'd i'd go to the casinos with always backed 23 and always seem to win loads with it. I see now that It's all nonsense though and that was probably just my bias pattern of thinking clouding my vision haha!
hi all,
going ok at the moment, new job is going really well and keeping very busy! maybe thats the key i dont know!!
keeping positive and even enjoying the community service work i have to do (sad, i know!)
its all about keep on track and keeping my head down and working hard.
good luck to you all who are reading this. keep strong and keep together.
karl
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