My first post on the site and hopefully a good conversation starter.Â
Let me start by giving a quick insight on why I feel I need to post this topic.Â
I am an addictive and compulsive gambler, I am not proud of this and I have been struggling for some time now.Â
I have gambled everyday since I can remember and have had, two significant spells of financial losses. The first was pre covid where I nearly lost my house, I was living alone after a break up from a long standing relationship and gambling just took over, I don't know how, it just did. I have gambled on horse racing mainly having a disciplin where I can keep stakes low and take the highs and lows. It's the live roulette which has took a strangle hold on me.
I eventually moved house with a new partner and the profit made from the sale bailed me out of my debt and into a new sense of purpose.Â
Fast forward 2 years (5 years from my first major gambling period) and the gambling has took a turn for the worse again. This month alone I have lost £5k online gambling.
I have today just before posting this rebanned myself on Gamstop to prevent further loses.Â
I have been lucky recently to have had some inheritance which has kept me from further debt but this is now long gone and I feel so much shame and guilt for throwing this financial lifeline down the drain.Â
I am currently receiving counselling for my gambling but feel a fraud, as the past few sessions I have said I haven't been gambling which is not the case if anything it has got worse.Â
I don't know how to shake this demon as I feel as if it's like I black out when gambling, not thinking and sort of a robot mode. When the funds are gone, which I can definitely not be affording to loose with a young family to support, is when reality hits and self pity kicks in. I have no one else to blame but myself.
I am posting this as I am classing this as my first step to keeping this addiction at bay. Tomorrow will be Day1 of no gambling since I can remember.Â
Please please please if anyone has any advice from their recovery let me know as I could do with all the help I can get.Â
Thankyou for taking the time to read this and I look forward to any responses
Hi Jay
Fair play to you as day one is by far the hardest I find. How are you getting on? I find the first day is so difficult, your brain is totally messed up.Â
Your story sounds similar to mine. For me, I’ve had a gambling issue for well over a decade. Sadly, I lost my house because of it back in 2022/2023. Admitting to loved ones in Sept 2023 that I had an issue. I’ve had major relapses since then sadly, but have done periods of six months without.
For me, having good people around you that are aware of your situation, makes you less likely to relapse.Â
Also prepare for the fact that gambling will enter your mind, maybe to a less extent as you continue your journey, but you will have periods of it filling your thoughts. I find drinking alcohol can trigger it for me. Unfortunately both things can go hand in hand.Â
Starting to look at the 13 step programme, joining online GA meetings aswell can help remind you of the issue you will need to continue to battle.Â
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Hi Ollie,Â
Thanks for asking, today has been a blur I have not gambled which has been a positive, a few mood swings due to feeling so much shame of my recent gambling sessions but I know this is part of the recovery and things should start to get easier day by day.
I'm sorry to hear you lost your house and have had relapses since the start of your journey. How are you doing now with it all?
Thanks for the advice and I also am looking at GA meetings, I am building the courage to attend a F2F meeting in the new year as I know this will be a major boost to my chances of being gamble free.Â
Thanks for reaching out, I feel being able to speak to others in similar circumstances is going to be the only way I will be honest with myself as friends and family (even though fully supportive) don't understand the full extent of how difficult the gambling disease can be to deal with on a day to day basis.
All the best
Jay
Hi Jay
Put Gamban on all your devices, register with Moses and block your cards from gambling transactions. It really helps
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Hi Jay
How are you doing ?
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