29 and out

I'm sorry to hear how your feeling, I really am. It's hard when your in "the zone" to see clearly.

You do need to speak to someone mate, talk to your parents. No problem is ever to big to deal with, sometimes we just need a help in hand.

Your priorities have to be your family and your job. Please don't throw it all away!

Did you gamble the 3k today?

Lost it yesterday and today.

Went to my parents but bottled it.

35k in the s**t.

I actually am near breaking point. I had a proper breakdown this morning crying and screaming which isn't me.

I want my parents to help but don;t want to put the shame on them. Also as much as I would like their help i don't want their money as that's not fair on them, but I do need the money gone as it's not fair on my family....

Worse feeling I have ever had in my whol elife...

Had serious bad thoughts today.

Forget the "serious bad thoughts", I think I know what you mean. Look at your family Dean. You might think otherwise but they all love you.

Talk to your parents. Tell them the truth. Forget about shame or anything like that. They will want to help. I'm sure of that.

What's the alternative, another 3k tonight?

You need help mate, there's no shame in that.

Have you spoke to a debt agency about your options?

Hi Brad. If it wasn't for the family then I would of seriously considered those thoughts.

I bottled speaking to my parents. Today had been horrific, I didn't think I could cry or breakdown like that.

I spoke to some debt company and know I could default and make things a bit easier, but I want to keep my credit score as it is and try just paying it off. 800 a month for 4 years if possible.

They mentioned iva but the misses would never forgive me as that would shatter her dreams. Anyway you can't have gambling transactions for 3 months on your statements. At least that's a target, get to 3 months and get the statements gamble free.

I've also felt so sick today and without being melodramatic I thought I would pass out.

What payment plans did you go through brad? If you font mind me asking.

Write today off mate, forget about it.

Start again tomorrow.

I done my debt management plan about 10 years ago. They got all the interest frozen for the life of the debt.

Mr29. I've just read your diary right through and I see many parallels to myself.

The debt is there and is like a noose but I ask you - if you did return to gamble, got lucky and wiped it out in 1 sitting what would then happen? You'd be on a massive high for about a week, a mix of relief and happiness, but then what? The gambling bug has got you. When your losing thousands and vow to stop you can't so why would it be any different from a big win? It wouldn't, the mind would start playing tricks, telling you your system worked. You could do it again only play it safe and build a gambling nest egg - only it NEVER works like that.

Compare it to drinking. If out with mates on a night out, the majority might have 2 or 3 shots not because they particularly like them, just for the instant buzz then carry on having a good night - that's how some people do win at gambling - its just something they take part in, but we are compulsive gamblers, akin to going all out for 10, 15 shots, only if on the drink eventually the body shuts down. Unfortunately with gambling the body keeps going and has no physical stopping point, the only way to stop is mental strength but you, yourself are fighting that only defence by sowing a seed of a way out, a big win.

The money has gone, we cannot beat the system. If we could we'd have done it by now and wouldn't be on here. From reading your diary it seems you earn a decent wage so let that sort out the debts in time. You need concentrate on what goes on in your head. De-stress and learn to live again without gambling as even when not gambling I will hazard a guess that you think about it. Try go a month just concentrating on the other things in life (not the gambling related things like debts). Then compare the non gambling month to the previous years of gambling. I know which you will want as a future. I did that and (after a major relapse again) did the direct comparison and realised if I don't stop now I will be in the exact same position in 10, 20, 30 years time only I will have nothing else positive to look forward to or back on.

We all have the same aim on here and can all do it but only by taking it one day at a time. There is no magic fix and we could relapse at any minute. Read the diaries of better people than me for inspiration. Good luck!

Hi Dean

How are you feeling today, have you gone to work?

With regard to your earlier post yesterday, how would an IVA shatter your other half's dreams? Because of getting a mortgage later down the line etc? It's not with your forever mate, six years I believe. And without being rude, you won't get a mortgage with the debt you've got now anyway.

Stay clean for three month and then speak to a debt management team about your options. I know you want to pay it back, you've got morals, and thats great. But just to have the interest frozen would be a great help i'm sure. The most important thing is that you stay clean for the three months so your bank statement are clear.

Make yesterday your rock bottom and today as the start of the rest of your life.

Thanks for your words mile end.

Brad, today i feel just as bad. At work but in a daze looking at my finances and thinking how bad things are and how have I got here, how will I get out. Feeling VERY depressed.

Yesterday was rock bottom, the problem is I think I am going to be here for months, maybe years.

The reason it would shatter my other halfs dream is she wants a bigger house as wants another kid, which I do as well. The problem i by the time I am clear / clean she will be at the age that she doesn;t want to go through with it, hence shateering here dreams.

Looking at it I have the following Debt:

Loan = Just under 17k

Credit Card 1 = 9k (only 4k @ 0% and could increase if work doesn't pick up)

Credit Card 2 = 4.5k

Credit Card 3 = 4.5k

f**k myy life.

Dean

Fella all the time you are living a lie you will never face up to the carnage your compulsion to gamble has gifted your life.

You have to want to stop living a lie fella,you have to stop thinking addiction has the answer

If not here is what will happen

You will bull#s#hit one too many times,you will lie to get money,your credit score will be the last of your worries.

My friend gambling ruled my life for twenty years reading your thread would have been like any of those gambling days,I had my head so far in the clouds that I simply could not see the size of the hole I was digging.

I hope you seek help,take some practical steps to arrest the punt.

The worry is reading your thread you don't mention arresting the punt,I think your addiction still has hold of your n#uts

Don't get your parents or anyone else to bail you out,that will not work,it will just fuel addiction.

Fella you have made the mess,it is for you to fix.

Self exclusion,limit the ability to get your dirty hands on the money.

3k in a futile chase!!

I know that well

I also know what is around the corner if you embrace recovery,you will have the opportunity to live the life you want.

If not carry on living the dream

Oh no sorry the nightmare.

Fella I wish I could have the ten years back you have on me,f**k don't waste another ten years like I did.

Get help,real help

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Dunc, if i was on my own I don;t think the guilt will grab hold of me as much.

The problem is I want to support and supply my family with everything yet can't.

I know the gambling has done this and YES i have to stop, and hopefully I can make it stop as the feeling i have now is scary. Physically can't eat or speak to people.

My problem is if I did manage to fight this f****r and never play again, I still have all this debt to get rid off and this is the thing that may sne dme mad!

Just want it to go away, but I know I'm years away!

But if you did stop Dean, and never play again then your debt will go down. If you don't, your debt will go up.

What you need to remember Dean is not only your debt (what you owe), but also the money you have paid off your cards as well. If your paying 500 a month on repaying credit and then using it to gamble with, your debt might be the same but you've spent more on gambling (if you follow me?).

When you reach your target of reducing your credit card debt, call the provider and ask for your limit to be reduced. I felt a great sense of achievement in doing this.

On a separate note, have you ever had PPI out you can claim back?

Onto day 3 of no gambling, but done this many times before.

Still in a low place and struggling to see the light at the end of tunnel and think that it won't be long until life just screws me over and s**t hits the fan. Seems like I am just holding it off!

Not done a PPI, Not sure the best way to go abou t*t. Surely with the amount of cards and loans I have that one must of had a PPI!!!

Onto day 6. The rawness of last week has left me but still can't get over the debt!

2 years ago when my boy was born I vowed to give up and would be debt free now.

Now I have a few years or paying this S**t back....

Well done, a week nearly, a great achievement. I myself am a week clean too.

Look forward Dean not back.

Are things improving with your partner now?

Hi Brad, well done on the week. Lets keep it up.

I am now on the 9th day clean, which I am happy about. Still can't get over all the debt. I look online and see people I know going on holidays and having more kids who are in a worse job then me, but I can't do what they are doing. Madness and upsetting.

3 years I have set myself of blood, sweat and tears. If I can do 800 a month for this period and also sell my house I will be free, with the no gambling as well.

How did my life get here....