A fresh start

Like you my stakes increased over the years as my salary increased. I lost all value of money. I have dealt with my gambling problems now but only admitted a problem after 20 years and having lost 600k and racked up another 200k of debt which I will be paying for another 8 years.

I have never had a problem betting on sports but incredibly have bet up to 300 a time on virtual races.

I totally get why you bet on Golf, potentially keeps the adrenalin going for 4 days, but thing is it isn't working for you and you are losing all your money.

Take action now and do what is required to arrest your problems. Getting someone else to look after money, self exclusion and not carrying cash and cards and closing accounts are all deterrents but the bottom line is you need to train your brain differently. Adopt new routines and new ways of thinking to take problem gambling out of your life.

Don't expect overnight change. It takes time. Prepare for setbacks. You may not be able to watch sport which you don't bet on. I can hardly watch any sport I haven't bet on - no interest or it just makes me think about odds as I watch.

If your life is good in other ways then removal of gambling will make it better. But you need to ask what the void is in your life which means you use gambling to fill the void or escape. Until you answer that question you will never fully recover. But if you eradicate gambling at least you won't be losing more money and you can take steps to sort out your financial position.

Hi captain. Thanks for the reply. And I'm pleased to hear that you now have your gambling under control.

You're absolutely right about the golf. 4 days instead of just an hour or two. But unfortunately, as soon as my player looks like he's out of it, I lump on someone else, then again, so I have always got an interest until the end.

I too have lost all value of money. Completely lost grip of reality. I was gambling hundreds of pounds on tennis matches,losing and putting a few hundred on another match. I've lost several thousand pounds in a day on many occasions. To any sane person, this is obviously crazy behaviour but to me it was the norm. I would get upset, mourn the loss of the money and promise myself that it would be the last time. But by the next day, I was convincing myself I could win it back again... But losing even more. It's sickening when i think of the other things I could have done with the money. But there's nothing I can do about it now. Its not my money anymore, all I can do is make sure I don't waste anymore.

Hi Richard.

It's great to see you here. And well done for admitting the problem and doing something about it. That's a huge step, so you should be seriously proud of yourself.

You've identified Thursday as a potential danger day for you. I'd advise you make plans and busy yourself for the day. Spend it with friends/family - do something which makes you smile.

I've had a few slips and succumbed to binge gambling sessions over the years. One thing I've learned is I can never be off my guard. I've limited my access to funds so now it'd be very difficult for me to gamble even if I wanted to. That's an important safeguard for me. That and self exclusions, using this site and having the support of close friends & family.

Find whatever safeguards work best for you, and don't give up. You CAN beat this thing. We all can. We're all in this together, through the ups and the downs x

Well done on getting two days

Didn't make it through day 3 I'm afraid. Feel so stupid.

Started just being 20. See if I could make something with it. Turned into 300. Feel so ashamed. I'd felt happier these last 2 days as well. I don't know why I did it. I fooled myself into thinking I would try and make something out of the 20 and if it lost, I would just leave it. But I just kept putting more in. I can't keep doing this. Feel so depressed yet again. So disappointed that I can't beat this.

It's not even the money. I've lost 10 times that amount in a day before. It's more the fact that I'd convinced myself I was strong enough to beat this but I'm not. I'm weak. And completely addicted to gambling. Even though I don't even enjoy it. I feel ill when I'm watching sports that I have money on. When I win I don't even feel any joy. And when I lose, I feel terrible. So why do I put myself through it? I think it's just the situation that makes me want yo do it. My financial situation is so dire that I try and gamble my way out of it. Which just makes it even worse.

I feel so low. Even though I was only gamble free for nearly 3 days. I had already noticed an improvement in my moods and ability to get on with people. I was more sociable and friendly. Now I just want to hide away from the world again.

If anybody is reading this and has managed to quit. Please tell me how you managed to do it. I really want to get through this. It is ruining my life. And ruining mine and my girlfriends future because of this mess I have got us into. I need to put things right. The guilt and self-loathing is unbearable.

You keep trying. This is an absolute insidious addiction it constantly works as a small voice in your head telling you that you don't have it. With a business you are in a dodgy position as you will use funds meant for different purposes to cover over your gambling. It really is imperative you do not handle money if this means be less busy for a while so be it. If you continue gambling you stake your whole life & business on it. Going back gambling is not uncommon but you really have to work at getting recovery and even then there are no guarantees you will stick with it. Good luck mate . Keep trying and make tomorrow gamble free.

I've already done that mate. I've used money that should be for corporation tax and vat bills. I'm in a complete mess. I have to find 6k in tax by August and I have 5k in payday loans due. I can't see a way out. That's what drove me to gamble again, because a big win is the only solution I can see. I am continuing to manage my money because I can't tell anyone. I've told my partner twice before and she made me promise to never gamble again, which I did. If she knows how much I've thrown away since then, she would never forgive me.

Hi this will sound ridiculous but you have to stop worrying about whats going to happen(even i have problems with this). Your focus has to be giving up gambling and from there you can work out the rest. If you don't start with gambling you have no chance with the rest. Everyone will work with you if you are not gambling. First stop for today and just get to tonight. You are doing nothing unusual for a recovering gambler just try to follow the advice of posters who have a decent recovery period on here.

Richard,

Sorry to hear of your troubles - it is clear just how low gambling has made you; a feeling familiar to so many people on here. Rest assured, even in your darkest moment you are not alone in that so many people on here understand and share your pain.

You said "if anyone on here has quit, tell me how you did it." I am not naive or stupid enough to think that gambling/compulsive urges will never feature in my life again, but I have successfully managed 18-months bet-free - and finally feel free of this horrible addiction.

The truth is there is no golden bullet. I spent 10 years of madness, depression, debt, squandering every penny I had. I was in and out of GA/counselling, constantly seeking that one perfect solution that would remove gambling from my life. There wasn't one. Like you, I ran my own business (had too much time/responsibility for my own good) - I didn't trust myself, nor did I deserve to be trusted.

Having said all this, the 'solution' was relatively simple. In that I reached a point of such destruction I knew that the next bet (however big or small) could bring absolutely no good whatsoever. There was no joy left in gambling (you appreciate that), but even more so - I can't see any other way of it ending rather than me spending every single penny I have - and ending up on my own in the gutter. This false illusion that persisted for 10years: that somehow it could smother issues elsewhere in my life/finance my way out of trouble is no longer there. It crippled my self-esteem, took 120k of my money before I came to this realisation.

My recommendation to you is complete honesty - if not to your partner, then to yourself. You need help. Embrace it. Be proud to take; burying your head in the sand, or trying to deal with this alone, is not big or clever - it's cowardly and detrimental. When I was finally ready, I threw myself open to counselling and CBT. Again, neither were the golden ticket - but alongside my resolve and determination, every piece of help pushed me in the right direction.

You can do it mate.

Have faith, and go easy on yourself.

D123

Thanks for the responses guys. I appreciate the support. I'm gamble free so far today. But that's more due to the fact that I can't get my hands on any money rather than any willpower.

D123, well done on getting to 18 months. It must feel great to feel free of this horrible addiction. I hope I can get there one day. Not feeling too positive that I can though. As much as I tell myself that I need to quit, thoughts always pop in to my head, that I should place one more big bet, that it could be the way out of thus mess. My brain is just messed up. If I would have put the bet on that I wanted to today, I would have actually won a large amount of money. Which makes me feel even worse. But no doubt I'd have lost it all anyway, that's the only consolation I can take. I know that if I quit, regardless of any big wins I may have if I continue gambling, I will be much better off in the long run. I've had lots of huge wins in the last 2 years, yet I've lost possibly 70-80k in that period, maybe more. I don't even know.

Anyway, I should get through the next week or two gamble free now as I've run out of cash. The big test will be on payday. I'm due to receive 6 grand on the 11th, it's all owed out, but that hasn't stopped me blowing it all before..

Gambled again yesterday. With borrowed money from my partner. What a loser I am.

So here we go again. Day 1, take 4. Not going to give up.

I'm just obsessed with gambling, even today I have not placed a bet, but looked on gambling sites several times because I cannot watch sports without wondering what the odds are. I don't know if I can ever get out of thus frame of mind. I can't just watch and enjoy sport without temptation to gamble on it. Just been watching, hoping everything I would have put on loses.