Good evening all.
I really need to vent everything if I may, I don't really have anyone else to talk to, being a problem gambler there is no one for me to talk to. After many times of trying to invite me to various places or to go out for drinks etc and me constantly making excuses or just not turning up, friends just drift away. Also only someone who has been through or is going through the same thing can really understand you better. So here goes.
Firstly my name is Rob and I have a gambling problem, it has really spiralled badly out of control over the last 18 months, to the point that bills have been missed ,things have been pawned and even rent payments have been missed. Now things have essentially caught up with me.
Here we go then, my gambling has mainly been online some in the shops, but there has been no sense of control at all, I used to be able to even after a big loss walk away and keep the rest of my money for rent bills etc, but now there is no control at all over the last few months I have not been very well so I have had about 24 days off work in total, as I dont get paid sick pay each day sick costs me money, so my wages for the last 2 months have been lower than usual which means I have just gambled it all away on payday, trying to make back rent money etc, but lost it all. So as well as rent arrears for previous months due to ill health and gambling I have not paid rent for the last 2 months simply because even before the gambling I did not have enough due to sick days.
So now my landlord (rightly so ) is chasing me for the money, but me being the coward who burys his head in the sand when problems come have currently turned off my phone. Also for the last few months I have being staying with my elderly parents, mainly to look after my mum when she hurt her back then I got really ill with a viral infection and was unable to look after myself, the issue is my parents HATE each other they have so much venom for each other and when I am here its awful when they are at each others throats which is most days, it reminds me again of the toxic household I grew up in and because this is a small place I cant escape it, also because their hearing is not great the TV is on so loud, as I am sensitive to loud noise I get really frustrated and agitated , but I dont snap at them because I am the one who has to be understanding. (sorry that paragraph was a digression I needed to vent )
Anyway because of my rent arrears due to sickness and gambling I cant afford to pay the rent and the arrears. So if I have to move in with my parents if he asks me to leave, I can pay him a amount each month for however long it takes to pay him back and I also would be in the position to save a some money each month to get a deposit for a new rented place.
In terms of where I am gambling wise I am 7 days gamble free, I have £10 a day cash for lunch etc and dont have access to my card , so if the urges come I cant act on them. I also have self exclusions in place.
I am very grateful for alot of things in my life, I have a job its min wage but if I work overtime i can get a nice pay, plus the money I have been losing each month I will be able to put away and start paying my debts. I am very grateful that I have my parents and people who love me , I have my health plus studying a degree at the Open University.
I know its going to be difficult to move back in with my parents, pay my debts and rebuild etc, but its the only path I am going to take, because I am just so so sick of gambling and the devestating consequences it has caused me mentally and financially.
As I said before I have been one for ignoring problems and just letting them get worse, instead of confronting them head on and deal with them in a mature manner.
So tomorrow I am going to call my land lord explain things and most importantly be totally honest and transparent about everything and listen to what he has to say and suggests then I can work out a plan , instead of assuming the worst outcome and running away like I used to.
Anyway thanks so much for listening. I feel so much better for being able to get all of this off my chest its been ages since have been bottling this all up, its so nice for it to all be out in the open.
I will post again tomorrow after speaking to my landlord and share the outcome( the coward in me does dont want to call him and just keep my phone off and ignore the situation, but that method has not helped me at all lol )
kind regards
Robert
Hi all .
Sorry did not post yesterday the coward in me made me run from my problems, so I didn't phone my land lord.
But today I told myself enough is enough no more running, so I called him, and just told him everything why I had missed rent ,sickness everything, and it felt Absolutely Amazing, because there was no more hiding or covering up things, and I was almost freed from this horrible cloak of lies, hiding and deception.
I explained everything and said to him ,I will do what ever I need to do and I will pay you all your money back. If you want me to leave that's fine I will sign a contract of paying a certain amount of money to you each month until its paid however long it takes, if you want me to stay then I will pay a little extra each month.
So he is going to work out what I owe him and we will work out what ever is best to do.
But it feels absolutely amazing to have just spilled out the truth and get it all out in the open ,feel wonderful about telling the truth.
Thanks so much for your advice,9 days gamble free and finally facing my problems.
Robert
Hi Robert1979,
Thanks for sharing on our forum and well done on your gamble free days ! We are all here for you. You are making progress, you talked to your landlord. You can see the positives in your life, it is good you can hold on to those thoughts. We are here on the helpline 24/7 if you want to chat on there as well. We have a money guidance service and links for free debt advice. You will find this n our website as well. https://www.gamcare.org.uk/self-help/
Best Wishes
Fiona
Forum Admin
+
Hi all.
I can't express how amazing it feels to have faced my rent problems and just admit everything, I just feel so free and relaxed like this massive weight has been lifted off me.
Don't get me wrong it's going to take a lot of hard work and overtime to eventually pay all my arrears back, but I am good with that because there is no more lieing and having to chase money back etc.
I also told him that this month because of my last sickness which caused me to lose 10 days off work at the end of Jan , that I would only be able to pay half the rent this month because of how short my wages will be and he was completely fine with that,because I told him it straight.
Today today I also worked out roughly what I will be getting this month, I have written all the things I need to pay and how much I should have left for food etc. I will also tell my mother this so we know exactly where the money will be going each day ,lunch travel and once a week buying Angling times. Any thing else I need eg toiletries or clothes all receipts will be saved so can make sure the remaining money talies up.
Day 10 gamble free
Rob
Hi
Like me many found it difficult to change unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
No matter when I last gambled being at meetings saved from going back to gambling,
Then over time I got to understand what my emotional triggers were.
My emotional triggers were pains I was not healing.
My emotional triggers were my fears I could not face or reduce.
My emotional triggers were unreasonable expectations of people life and thing not going my way.
My emotional triggers were boredom because I was procrastinating far to much.
My emotional triggers were my fears of emotional intimacy, with huge ffears came lots of mistrust.
In time I started to invest so much time and energy that rrecovery worked in so many ways for me and others.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Hi all.
Just a quick post, it's funny and yet so upsetting that how quick we are to shake off the feeling of loses and the feelings of devastation after our gambling sessions.
For instance I posted recently about how much trouble gambling had caused me and the missed rent and bills payments etc, and now 1 day before payday getting that urge to gamble thinking how stress free and fun it wound be.
My bills have been calculated much and now that my pay slips arrive 1 day before I get paid those who are award of my gambling issue and helping look after my money, they know exactly what I am getting paid exactly what I have to pay out and exactly what's going to be left and to then structure to a daily budget lunch travel etc, anything else needed will be purchased accompanied by receipts.
Day 17 gamble free
Robert
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