A new dawn

So how come my hubby is snoring away to my meditation podcast and I am still wide awake. I need to keep these podcasts to myself. Once he starts snoring I have no chance ?

Dear Diary. Day 81 gamble free.

An interesting day indeed. I set off for work nice and early this morning. Was about 40 miles from home when I got a call from the boss to say can you do a press conference and some media interviews in X (100 miles away) because N is poorly and we need a clinician. Okie doke I say and off I set. Spent an hour of my journey getting a briefing from the comms team. Told that I needed to read 5 documents that had been sent to me before the press conference. Marvellous! I also wasn’t dressed for the occasion as I was not expecting my day to be as it was. Luckily my car is like a mini office and wardrobe and I had something suitable to pop on. Made the mistake of not being prepared for such eventualities before and never again! Anyway, it went fine. One press conference, 2 tv interviews and 3 radio. All local thankfully. It’s odd that I can get in such a state about things that really don’t mean anything but this sort of thing doesn’t make me anxious. Maybe because it is about human experiences.

Home now. Time to cook tea. Just a relaxing evening planned. Ready to do it all again tomorrow. Not a gambling urge in sight. 

Wowza.. 81 gf.. Sounding good. 

And just a normal day at the office.?. Well done.. On the spot. Handled with confidence by the sound of things.

Boo ?

Thank you Boo ?, it does feel as though I am heading in the right direction now, long may it last!

I talked to my hubby after the chatroom tonight because it made me stop and think about how he may be feeling having had to take control of a number of things to support my recovery. He told me that he found it really challenging to begin with. That he wanted to be my husband not my parent. His take on it now is that he is content because I am asking for his help and making it my decision. Above all else though, he says he can see that he has got the woman he fell in love with back. That made me feel so happy. This is what it is all about. If I never have unrestricted access to money again it really doesn’t matter. Material things do not make me who I am. 

Awww murlo.. Tea at buck Palace too.. One amazing lady 

It just keeps increasing our love for you... 

Nite n bless 

Boo.. And yes its the simple things.. These are the God I worshipped before and forgot about but welcome them so openly again ?????

Thank you Mark and Boo, safe to say I am in a happy place at the mo. All GamCare buddies have played a big part in where I am now. Little pearls of wisdom keep moving me on a bit further.

Boo, if we get a quiet chat session at some point I will tell you the story of my trip to buck palace. I can laugh about it now but it did cause me some sleepless nights for a while!

Hubby said the same thing about not wanting to be my parent, he just wants to be my Hubby. To be fair, he's not really managing my funds atm so much as enjoying them. However, if they are in his bank, I am more likely to get caught out. 

I do like that he just wants me to be me. I like that when I told him it's my choice to GIVE him the money so I am deffo not a child and he is deffo not a Parent. 

I also reminded him of Debbie's Adult/Parent/Child thing and how at different times we are all the Adult, Child or Parent. Like on Friday when we were both Children and having fun and enjoying an afternoon blobbing work. I feel like me and Hubby are getting to know each other again. 

I am deffo gonna take back control of my finances again soon though cos my circumstances are a bit different to yours and he will just spend to the max if he's given a free rein to do so. I can't have that long term. It will just get worse. 

I am waffling now. I do that. 

N'nite Pal 

Drama 

x

You are not waffling at all! I love reading your little nuggets, it’s real life stuff. I have talked through the adult/parent/child thing with my counsellor too. She taught me to carry a sociogram around in my head and think about where everyone is at particular moments. I like practising that (when I am not too nuts!)

as boo would say, nite n bless ?

The asterixed word is n-u-t-s. Just in case anyone thought it was something rude ?

Lol. I knew what you meant. I can read through the filters Murlo. You do make me laff so hard. Hahahahaha. 

It’s just such a strange word to filter out. I bet I can write bonkers and that will be fine ?

And there you go, it is!

Hope it's only work that kept you from chat.. ?? Boo

Hi Boo, yes I am so sorry. It was just work. Full on day today. Just having my first break of the day. I will hopefully be home in time for chat tonight. Other than that, I am on top form ?