Memory (2022) Starring Liam Neeson

Watched this film the other day and loved it. I'm a big Liam Neeson fan anyway

I wanted to talk today about how weird our brains are and what memories they hold onto.

When in active addiction, those wins were always remembered. If someone mentioned gambling I would only remember the wins. When you think of how many dreadful days and weeks of losses, why would the brain look for the needle in the haystack to find the glory day ? Is it because we bury the losses so they don't hurt as much ? I can't even remember my worst losing day but in terms of the big winnings days, it's like they were yesterday and the memory is in full detail. Is it because the losing became the norm so the wins were out of the ordinary and therefore remembered ? Is it just the perfectly designed addiction ? 

Well the flip side. I've come to terms with my past and left it as yesterday but coming into recovery all I took with me was the bad memories, the lies, the hurt, the money lost, the time wasted, the damage to my mental health and most of all the harm to others. For months it was like, thats all I ever was. I couldn't focus on anything good in my life. I can't have been a monster all the way through it ? So why did I beat myself up and feel worthless ? Why does this addiction present as so complicated and difficult to understand without a deep dive. Gambling did actually do some good. It gave me drive, kept my maths brain going, it made me go the extra mile to make up for what I had done. At work, my effort was accelerated due to the need for money. I built a company from scratch. 

This isn't to condone or justify gambling but I don't regret the addiction. I regret a lot of what I've done and will hopefully make amends but it's brought me to today. I've learned from a million poor decisions and know what's right and wrong. I can face life without escaping. I can be the person I was born to be and most of all, today, I know who I am