A new dawn

Al, that is such a beautiful story, thank you so much for sharing it with me. Your strength is an absolute inspiration to me. Take good care x

Posted by: Murlo

Dear Diary, day 90 gamble free. 

Today has been lovely. I started off the day with a walk alone. I admit that I had a good cry but it felt right. I live  not far from a common with horses grazing and I just hugged a couple and shed a tear. I wasn’t in a bad place, it just felt right to let some emotion out. So much has happened lately. 

My friend M and I thought we would go and do some retail therapy this afternoon. Only we got spotted by friend Z and ended up in a bar. We had a fair few sherbets before my hubby called to say that him and my neighbours wanted to meet us to watch the the rugby with a few in another bar. M and I zigzagged our way there, laughing all the way. It was funny. Rugby was fun, neighbours came round to our house for tea and I cooked a veggie curry (plus a separate one for me with meat in). 

I am planning on an early evening ahead of the rugby tomorrow. The rest of the household may stay up late with neighbours and that is fine. I need some sleep tonight ?

Murlo

Every so sorry I want online yesterday to congratulate you on your achievement, massive well done to you! You should be very proud of yourself.

i love the fact that you went out with the intention of retail therapy but instead ended up in the pub! That is my sort of shopping!

stay safe my friend, have a lovely Sunday 

Kram

x

Thank you so much Kram. Truth is I really don’t like shopping so a trip to a pub is never a hardship ?

Half time in the first game at the rugby and I have been all modern. I have got a selfie with Sonny Bill Williams. Drama will be proud of me ?

She will as we all are.. ?

Thank you boo ??

? thank you Mark! He certainly WOULDN’T want one with me if I was gambling. Nice to have a photo with a player who will not to have the betting company logo on his shirt. A lovely guy too. 

Glad your day was fun... And your new household is settled. 

Have a good sleep and a good day at work tomorrow. 

Nite n bless boo and furry boo ??

Dear Diary. Day 91 gamble free. 

I have to say that today has been hard. It’s finally dawning on me that two people I love so dearly are in the last stages of their lives. We went round to see my father in law before setting off for rugby this morning and he does not look at all well. I was shocked at how much he has deteriorated since I saw him on Thursday. My hubby thinks he has started to give up on life. I really hope not. My friend M has not given up on life but I can see how her brain cancer is affecting her more and more each day. It feels so unfair that two beautiful people are affected in the way that they are. I hope I can offer something to them both to make their time better. 

I am grateful that I do not have any urge to gamble at the moment and that I have my counselling session on Tuesday. I feel like I need to talk things through with someone. I am aware of my history, when I get emotionally challenged I have turned to gambling. I am confident it won’t happen this time as I have so much support. Doesn’t do any harm to be self aware though. 

We went to the rugby and had a fab time. My team lost but didn’t play too badly so that’s ok. The atmosphere was a amazing. I had some selfies with a legend of the sporting world which was cool. Back home now. Hubby and M asleep. Cats looking at each other but in a nice way. It is very peaceful in the household. Hopefully I will get to sleep soonish as I am up and out of the house at 4ish. 

Goodnight all

Sorry to hear about your friends! What I suspect they will love for you to get through the tough times gf with them fully behind you.

keep safe 

matt692

So the least said about today the better! Joking apart, it has generally been a good day. Busy at work, busy at home. I enjoyed chat tonight but got cut off. Sorry to anyone I was chatting to. 

Sleep well folks. Especially those who stayed up for the Super Bowl, heroic effort ?

Hi Murlo

Belated congrats on the 90 day achievement - fantastic work. Your rugby stories make me smile, great to see someone enjoying the purity of sport - long may it continue! And congrats to Sonny Bill too - gambling sponsorship in sport something I have been on my high horse about for a while, as with most things in life nothing will change if people just accept the norm, it takes courageous people to make a stand - something you are certainly doing against your addiction. And again so sorry about your friend and Father in Law but at least you will always be able to remember the moments good and bad you are sharing with them now rather then being so wrapped up in your gambling self that everything you are living through now will be a blur in years to come. 

Day 93 gamble free. It has been a long old work day. Just finished for the day and ready to try to get my head down. Early start in the morning. I have lots of things going on in my head at the moment. A few things to sleep on I reckon. 

Feeling a little “lost” tonight. It’s hard to explain really. I know I have a lot to think about at the mo but I can’t order my thoughts properly tonight. No doubt I will wake up feeling completely different in the morning. Those little self doubt niggles still surface occasionally. 

This is my last recovery diary post. I am fine, just retiring my diary. I will still pop into others and join chat.