I have been gambling for the past 20 years and it has destroyed me and my life, I have had a few feeble attempts to stop but then pay day comes and I gamble again. I came on here a month ago and made a couple of posts in the new members section and then went back to gambling. I have self excluded from all the online sites and all the local bookies and I have a friend who controls my finances and questions me when I ask for money. However being a compulsive gambler makes me a good liar and this past month I have wasted way too much on gambling. An exclusion on an online betting exchange ran out and I rejoined and was doing quite well on the horses. However the pattern is always the same....... I bet online or in a bookies and generally do well on the horses, but then the horses finish and I go onto the dogs or the virtual racing and I always give all my money back. Last night I had 1000 winnings from the weekends racing and I blew the lot on virtual racing. This pattern never changes, I can't ever win because I gamble and gamble until I have nothing left.
As a result of this I have lost many friends, done things that fill me with shame, hurt so many people and made my life a miserable existance. I want to stop, but then I always do when I have lost my last money for the month! Part of me wasn't going to fill this in as part of me thinks what is the point! I think this because payday will come at the end of the month and I will want to gamble again. I've had failed attempt after failed attempt to beat this disease that part of me feels I can't ever beat this.
I've had so many failed relationships due to my gambling. I have however met a great girl and we are really happy together. She knows about my problem and is supportive. We have a baby on the way, I never thought I would be a dad and I was over the moon to find out we are having a boy. I want my son to know a dad who is a good person and be in a home full of love, not know a dad who hurts and upsets everyone because of his gambling problem.
So where do I go from here? I have now excluded from the betting exchange for as long as possible and that will mean I'm self excluded from all online sports books and all the bookies in my area. So its now not so easy for me to gamble as I would need to travel a fair distance to do so. 20 years of losing every penny in a bookies needs to stop now! I spend most of my time stressing over money or problems gambling has created. I earn enough money to be comfortable and enjoy life, I don't want to give the bookies anymore of my money.
I am a compulsive gambler and just for today on day zero I will not gamble!
Hi again, welcome back to day one 🙂
I posted to you on your earlier post & my advice remains the same! Just cutting off access to your money won't fix this, neither will self exclusion (I was excluded for about a 20 mile radius & just kept driving further so I continue getting my fix, I'm not the only one)!
I know you said GA wasn't for you but how many meetings did you try? How long ago? What else have you tried? Have you called GamCare? Arranged some counselling? How stressed are you? Can your GP help?
As addicts our minds become warped...We let Mr Gamble convince us that we don't need help, that the next big win will solve all our problems but no win is ever enough, it's just gambling tokens to prolong our agony! Gambling is the cause of our stresses not the solution!
You are right, you will want to gamble when your triangle is intact again, on pay day but wanting to & gambling are not the same!
I started my recovery the way you are now, cutting off access, making it harder for myself but I always left doors open! It is incredibly hard letting someone else manage your money (embarrassing as you like asking for a fiver), difficult to admit to anyone that we have a problem but by coming here, you have done that 🙂
I grew up with an active CG & it took me nigh on 30 years to escape the bad example she set me. You have a chance to gift yourself recovery before babba is born, grab it with both hands - ODAAT
Thanks for taking the time to post on my diary ODAAT. I still have cash left till pay day so I could technically make that journey to gamble, but I don't want to. I want to fight this addiction and be a better person both for myelf and for those close to me. In a way I'm relieved my winnings have gone, I slept better last night, I have been able to concentrate in work and when I'm on my days off I will be able to relax with my girlfriend rather than being on edge about sneaking off to place bets on my phone. Now I need to progress day by day and work on myself to ensure as many barriers are in place to prevent me slipping up.
I have tried GA many times and it didn't work for me, I also tried counselling and didn't feel that helped. However I think this forum can help as I can see and read stories from people like me and also I can see there are people who came here and have gone a long time since they gambled. At a time when I don't feel I can ever stop but I need and want to stop its great to see others have beat this as that means I can too.
I know one day that urge will come back and when it does I need to be more prepared and fight it better. I will have a thought telling me to go for a bet and get a quick win and then I will think about all the fab things I can do with that win. However the reality is that I never do anything fab with my winnings, I just go back the next day and lose the lot. I never seem to think about the past when that urge comes, its crazy that my mind tells me how easy it can be to have that quick win and then walk, all the horrific harm to myself that gambling has caused is always forgotten. I need to keep reading this diary back to myself when the urges come. I can't go and have a bet it only goes the one way, there will never be a happy ending. I need to remember how much pain that bet will cause, I need to remember it will turn me into a zombie and stop me functioning properly.
I'm a compulsive gambler and just for today on day 1 I will not gamble!
It's been a good day so far for me. I've been off work and spent it doing jobs in the house and been out for lunch too. This time last week I was struggling to function as all I wanted to do was gamble on my phone on as many races as possible. I've made the right choices today and I need to make the same choices day by day and life will only get better. Keeping this diary is a huge help to me as is reading others. Having a clear mind and enjoying my day sure beats the way I am mentally when I gamble. I need to choose this clear mind each and every day and enjoy life!
I am a compulsive gambler and just for today on day 2 I will not gamble!
Hi There
Glad you're trying to stop gambling. To be honest I'm quite worried about whether you have adequate support in place. Relying on this forum is rarely enough.
Perhaps you could elaborate on why GA did not work, or counselling. It's true that there are a few bad eggs out there. But I would think it's more often about the approach we take when going into these things. Are you subconsciously putting up barriers which are stopping you from engaging in these processes? Are you able to open up or is too difficult? You will get out of it what you put in.
If you're just going to use the forum - can you tell us a bit more about what lies behind your addiction? Something's always pretty wrong with us mentally when we are plotting these destructive paths. Gambling's only a syptom of course.
I'm also going to be a dad soon. I'm coming from a place of genuine concern for you.
Louis
Thanks for the post Louis, I guess if I had the answers to your questions I wouldn't have put myself through 20 years of pain. Deep down I think 2p fruit machines as a youngster got me into gambling and then trips to the races with my dad reinforced things. I then finished my GCSEs and had way too much free time and one day decided to stick a few bets on, a good long winning run got me sucked in and then it was downhill all the way! The barriers that I have in place right now are self exclusion, a friend controlling my finances and trying to avoid all knowledge of race meetings, odds etc and avoiding any gamblers that I know. GA just didn't do it for me, I'm glad it helps so many but I guess for me being able to do something similar but online works better.
So it's the big gambling day today for anyone into the horses! I've spent it shopping, doing chores and doing a barbecue. I certainly feel so much better for having a few days gamble free and it's got to be onwards and upwards from here! I want to be a better person and I've had a positive few days. It's nice to not be a gambling zomie, nice to get some sun, fresh air and feel like a better human being!
I'm a compulsive gambler and just for today on day 3 I will not gamble!
Busy day for me today and it's lovely to be negotiating life in a normal manner and not living it up like a gambling crazed zombie. I've not had to stay glued to a screen desperately hoping for the next selection to win, I've not had the emotional kicking where it hurts the most and I've not had to lie to anyone! It's only day 4 but I feel I've made good strides mentally. Clearly this mission is on a step by step basis but making the daily choice not to gamble is surely something I can accomplish. I deserve more out of life for both myself and all the people around me and the only way this is going to work is by beating my addiction.
I'm a compulsive gambler and just for today on day 4 I will not gamble!
Keep days like today and yesterday in your mind as you move on to day 5 and day 50 and day 500... keep the faith pal.
Thanks for the feedback Change, I certainly need to keep changing. Another day another dollar, and today I need to withdraw and spend 260 which will leave me pretty skint till payday. The old me would take that 260 to the bookies and try to double it, the old me would lose the lot and then be in a deeper hole. Most of my debts have been run up this way, chasing a small amount and digging myself deeper and deeper and deeper into a chasm of debt! Today I will be paying the 260 and thinking I get paid a week on Friday and I will be much better off come then. Right now I am dealing with things well and I don't want or feel like a bet, I need to prepare for the day that urge comes back and find ways to fight it off rather than giving in and destroying myself again. I have to win this fight for myself, but also for my son. I want to be the best dad ever and whilst gambling I could never be a good dad.
I'm a compulsive gambler and just for today on day 5 I will not gamble!
I feel great this morning, it may be early days but I feel I have broken the hold that gambling had over me. I was in a deep binge and it had taken over my mind and was controlling my life. After 6 days without a bet I now feel so much calmer and despite my finances being tight and me being short of money for a short break next week I don't want to set foot back on that slippery path. I can plod on taking a day at a time and making sure each day I fight the same fight and then I will reap the rewards. Every time I think about money I always feel I don't have enough, I think stressing over money can lead to gamblng, looking for the quick fix that never comes. So I'm trying not to stress as I will always have enough money when I'm not gambling! This is in my hands I need to stay strong and keep making that daily choice not to gamble. I fight on!
I'm a compulsive gambler and just for today on day 6 I will not gamble!
Today brings up a week without a bet, I have achieved this before as often I would go almost a full month without a bet due to losing everything on payday, however I do have money in the bank so this is a good start for me. I need to keep ticking off these days and life will get vastly better for me. Just got to make that simple daily choice not to gamble and not get too ahead of myself. Not much else to report, but I'm feeling good and positive!
I'm a compuulsive gambler and just for today on day 7 I will not gamble!
Hi there , Just wanted to stop off and send my congratulations to you on you first week of your new gamble free life , I feel the first week's a bit of a toughie so well done on getting through it .
Your right about making the daily decision not to gamble , I've just gone through the 250 day mark and still smile everyday as I make the right choice not to gamble and make sure I enjoy every day the way it should be .
I saw from your posts that you did not feel GA was right for you , as you also said it works for many , many people but only you can decide if what your doing is working , I'm much the same as I've only ever used the forum and of course my family for support and find that works perfectly well but If I felt I was struggling then I would proberbly look toward GA .
Just keep racking those days up one day at a time and get some distance between you and the last bet and you'll be fine , you know what you need to do and seem to have things in place .
I wish you well for your continued recovery !
Best wishes...................Alan
Thanks for the post Alan I will take a look at your diary later today, 250 days is some going!
I've got a day off work today and I will spend it relaxed with my girlfriend with no negative thoughts in my mind and absolutely no way I will be placing any bets. I'm short of cash till pay day but chasing a quick win never works and always leads to more loss and more debt! I can do it today and make it a successful day 8.
I'm a compulsive gambler and just for today on day 8 I will not gamble!
Hi Mug Punter
Everyone's view on giving up gambling is different but what is working for me now (the penny finally dropped) is that if I gamble then it's my choice and my fault, nobody forces me to gamble. If I want to put gambling before my wife's and children's future then it's my choice (a silly one but true).
Today I choose not to gamble.
Paul
You are right Paul it is our choice, I used to blame other people or use other factors as an excuse to gamble, but the truth is that when things are good I have also slipped up and made things bad again. So it is my choice to gamble or not and one day at a time I have to remind myself of the reasons why I can't gamble and remember the problems gambling has caused for me in the past. I've had a quiet day today and money is very very tight and that thought to go put a bet on did briefly enter my mind earlier today, but I fought it off! I'm now deciding what to do with my night, it will be a quiet one for sure. But I'm happy as I'm progressing and the gambling haze that was making life so difficult has cleared.
I'm a compulsive gambler and just for today on day 9 I will not gamble!
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