a new way of thinking

Hi E...ditto on the pj's ...me and a pal also doing the same ..chillax girlie weekend ..although I believe its very fashionable for women to now go out in their pj's and curlers!!! lol...glad your on the up and up..enjoy the biking .....(((TW)))) xxx wuff xx

Thanks GT,West,Ade and Rach n Dot

Parents evening went well eldest is doing ok just needs to put in some more effort and he will be flying.

Hey Rach i have been known to go to the shops in my pjs but i draw the line at curlers lol

Another bill gets paid tomorrow childcare will be late but like ive said they are used to that and they cant have what i havent got.

Ex came round this evening but im feeling ok cant allow him to churn up my emotions.

Stay Strong

E xx

Hi Elizabeth

One day at a time is all we have. Everyone will get their dues in time. One day you will pay childcare up front and that is a good feeling. Hopefully you will have a good day today with the nicer things manifesting themselves to you. Remember this forum in case you want to scream!

Take care

just doin a drive by in me pj's .....coooooo eeeeeeee !! xx

Hi Elizabeth just a quick drop in to give you a hug and say keep going you know you can do this 🙂

and i feel your pain with your teen but mine is the other way round she think that if she doesnt work 24/7 on school work she will not get her gcse which some days can be heart breaking watching her 🙁

hugs and I will call back soon x

Grandest of mornings TW...

Your time spent on these diarys you've probably read ' nothing changes if nothing changes ' ! What i'm trying to say is at least for 1 day try the curlers with the P.j's.

Your a cool mah TW happily hopping along to being a TCM 🙂

Honour and out exmug

Thankyou Smiler,Rach,Pink and Exmug.

So tired yesterday that by the time id finished i went to bed with LO now not feeling well but im not surprised LO has been coughing all over me for the last week.

Another bill paid and some of the childcare,have done the food shop and have nothing left so not going anywhere but i think the kids and i could do with a quiet weekend,both of them are unwell and we are due snow so in we stay.i hate snow.

Really starting to feel much better about things now this time last week i didnt know how i was going to cope but once again i've squeezed through it.This saturday i dont feel sick or have a head whizzing so fast i have a headache.

Back on the road to normality.

Once again a huge thankyou to everyone who has supported me this week not sure how i would have coped without you.

Stay Strong

E xx

Hi lovely...thanks for popping by ...enjoy your quiet weekend and keep warm.....we are due snow and its sleeting here already.. they reckon temps going to drop again...

Going to try and do a few tip runs before it settles...great to see your coming back up and feeling better..funny isn't it how we can tell just with how we all write our diaries what mood we are in.

Am feeling level too as you can see and yes my life and soul is back and hopefully here to stay a while....still peeling the onion E ..but it doesn't make me cry now!!..love the idea of all us cybergals in pj's...enjoy resting STW ..your out the other side now ..speaky soon hun xxxxxx ((((((E)))))))) big huggles and wuffskis .....xx

Sounds like you need a weekend of chillaxing. Glad to hear that you are feeling better than last weekend, you see, time really is a great healer in this recovery process.

The warmer weather will soon be upon us.

GT

Thankyou rach,

Just realised friday(yesterday) should have been my 100 days but ruined it by 7 days.........

Not going to dwell on what should have been but what i achieved in those 93 days gamble free almost got on top of bills,treated the kids got to mondays with money still in my purse,didnt have to struggle through the week the list is endless......but most of all i was happy again and that show'd in my boys being happier and to me their happiness is paramount in my life.

Onwards and upwards to another 100 days and im going to start taking a leaf out of Dotties book and start peeling my onion something i have been avoiding for some time,i do talk alot with my mum but theres always a line drawn in the sand about how far i go.

I use gambling as a form of release from how im feeling emotionally, an escape a form of self harm as for me it causes the same release feeling as if id used a knife on my arm.Yet my scars are internal where no one but me can see them.Time to start peeling.

Stay Strong

E xx

Hey hun,....your posts always make so much sense to me and give me lightbulb moments...by your honesty it gives me an insight and understanding not only into my own insides but that of my ex...

Your last para is what I feel was going on inside him with gambling.I often got little glimmers but it was shut off again so I couldn't reach him as his scars are internalised.He would literally stick drawing pins in his head whilst online and his fingernails bitten down red raw with skin hanging off..yet he said betting relaxed him . I couldn't ever understand but after reading this post of yours here I now do.....thank you hun...xxx

One Onion layer at a time my friend..go at your own pace...stop at any time ....your safe.

BIG HUGS ((((TW))))) xxxx ....Its unconditional...(wuffs)

Thanks Rach,

Had quite a chillaxing day,got quite a bit of stuff sorted in the house clean and tidy home clean and tidy mind.

We now have snow in Essex (i dont like snow)so defo not going anywhere tomorrow apart from out to make snow angels as LO has been practising in the front room since before christmas.Hes sooooo sweet.

Looking forward to a good nights sleep as havent really had one since last friday if i havent been laying awake worrying about finances,one of the kids has been coughing,nose bleeds or setting their alarms for stupid o clock in the morning.

Did i mention i dont like snow.

Stay Strong

E xx

night night E...don't know where Ive got this from but i'm getting a vague feeling that you don't like snow???????!!!..

Sleep well hun and switch those alarms off..you deserve a lie in...

Wrap up..snow still not hit here yet but north west side tends to get the rain more I think..xxxx

Take care (((((((STWE)))))))))

Hi Elizabeth

I am getting a stronger vibe from your posts from last week. Add all your time up non gambling and take that instead of starting again. You have moved forward so much so keep it, it is yours you have earned it. I used to live near Gants Hill, Essex. Now inScotland where there is no snow!

Keepposting elizabeth and take it easy out tere in the snow.

Thanks Rach and Smiler,

Had a great nights sleep,woken to a good few inches of snow,i might have mentioned i dont like snow :0(Snow is cold but mainly stops me going to work no work no dollar.Really not a good time for it to be snowing for me but as long as im careful i will be at work.

Something Smiler wrote on his diary about the fantasy world in his head really struck a chord with me as as well as escaping my emotional pain i saw gambling as a way of getting the life i wanted to live financially,getting that big win ,i'm not materialistic,like the nice things obviously but somehow id managed to fool myself i could have that life,i have had many dreams about winning the lottery which will never happen as i havent bought a ticket for god knows how long lol.

Time to except the way my life is, dosent mean i cant change things just stop the fantasy in my head convincing me it will come true on the spin of a slot.

Anyway i like my little life, my wonderful boys,my little house,Starting to like me a little bit more nowadays.My life is what i make it. Without gambling in it can only equal happiness and the rest will be what it will be.

Ok waffle over Films,hot water bottles,hot choc with marshmallows and whipped cream,blankets and comfort food is what my day will consist of.

Stay Strong

E xx