Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Afternoon diary,

Well the body has caught up with my brain today lol.

Thanks again for all the kind words of support this forum never ceases to astound me with the folk who give out so much, even when they have there own sh#t to shovel.

Well the back is holding up well, since my cortesone I have been sitting again, I had either been standing or laying down for two weeks!!!

So to put it to good use yesterday I delivered 2500 leaflets and today dropped the last of them, so all done with a day to spare in the schedule!!

To which I look forward to enjoying the financial rewards of shortly.

So feeling good about myself, the best tonic.

Duncs stepping forward never back

Free Expression As Revolution..........today we have NO fear ....xx

Thanks for popping in Speedy Gonzales ...wow ..2500 leaflets !!!

nag nag nag .....REST ..SOON...nag nag nag ...R and D xx

Afternoon again diary,

Lol I am in the library and they only dish out thirty minute slots, although there are five no sorry six computers and I have been in here on my own since I arrived an hour ago!!

So to carry on the tonic that works for me is to feel truly that my glass is half full.

Here is how it formulates in my mind.

Walking the dogs across the top of portsdown h#ill with my wife last night, we were talking about the goings on on the forum, and how posts from the friends and family, had crossed with a thread on the recovery diaries caused me to inwardly rage, simply the answer is I can see it, clear as day.

If things had have gone the other way in the courtroom on the day of the 24/01/2012 the day a judge decided after hearing from both sides of the bench, he decided to grant Sarah a chance to make amends with the arrears I had hidden from her, he decided to grant her a stay, yes my name is still on the deeds, but he granted her a chance, and turned to me and said, I hope you find help to overcome the addiction that has brought you here today, but simply if it were you here alone and not your wife too I would have awarded repossession.

We walked fro mthe courtroom and sarah took charge, we did'nt drink to celebrate, we did'nt even talk much that day , we went about putting into place the things I had learnt through GA the day before.

That TRIANGLE. it works, yes you have to want it to work, but it will stop you formulating firstly how to obtain money, yes your brain formulates bets, well mine does, but not acting on them is different.

Then I came to the library and found gamcare, and one man made me "believe"

And that man that day was the honourble SMILER, that day his words made me believe, my glass that day became half full, I would love to and try to pass on that message to anyone, everyone, gamblers, non gamblers, anyone who I think might listen.

That in life things happen beyond our control, things happen we cant control, in the same breathe there are things we can control, We all of us to a man have a choice.

All we have to do is believe.

My choice is

My name is Duncan McQuilken I am a compulsive gambler No bet today.

To smiler I salute you, and wish you well, to that judge I took all the help I could, and to my beautiful wife, thankyou, you did believe, and from that we both became winners, between us our glass overfllows.

Sarah today I love you more than I did yesterday.XX

Duncs

when Ive been at my lowest in this journey you have always been there for me,even when I have no faith in my self you really are a special person, I'm sorry to hear you haven't been 100% and I hope the pain eases off soon Hollie x

Yo,

Duncs that was one of the most moving posts you have written.

Inspired

Shiny xxxxxx

gamcarers

I have just been called wierd, an oddball, not normal

why??

Because i popped to the shop, feeling good, accomplished all i set out to do, no drugs in the system, so grabbed two bottles of ale for me and a bottle of lovely ros'e for my beloved, oh and paid the tv licence up to date and some rolo's .

cued got served and the lady behind the till said " and how many tickets???"

i said pardon??

she says you know 100 million tonight!!!

i say not for me thanks.

she persists " oh you already got yours!!"

me " no i don't play"

she frowned and the next bloke in the cue stated " your odd mate a wierdo !! its a 100million.!!!"

me i smiled wished him good luck, briefly debated sharing that it did mikey Carroll the world of good, todays paper had an article about his new life working in a biscuit factory!!

but i thought,why bother, to you i am odd!!

I raise my glass, will enjoy my delicious vegetable curry and enjoy company money can't buy.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Evening

Just had to say your final line in your post was one of the loveliest posts I've read on here

" enjoying company money can't buy"

I think that is something every CGs partner would love to hear.

I raise a glass to you in thanks for the help support and for the wisdom you share x

Shelly

Hey duncs,

Great to see your back to fighting weight again. Love the new diary title, I was brainwashed with disney from being a young girl so ive always beleived ... In fairys, In true love, In happy endings, In good vs evil and the goodies always win.

It also gave me unrealistic expectations of men buts thats a whole new forum in itself lol.

I think this is apt for your diary title.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zK2ZuescJGA

Keep the faith...

Blondie x

Hey Duncs

Makes me think of the quote "In an insane world, a sane person must appear insane"

It can feel like the world has lost its head at times and we all know a CG sure loses that and more. Its nice to bring it back to a veg curry, a pint of ale and that all important good company. Enjoy!!

I think we're all odd aren't we? Great feeling when temptation is put in front of you and you wave it away without even a moments hesitation. That does feel great. Hope you enjoyed that drink last night. Well deserved. Have a great weekend.

Morning diary.

So lazy saturday today, been out with the hounds after enjoying a sleep in of sorts,then took Sarah for an eye test nothing wrong thankfully, mind you I know a few folk who have questioned her eyesight over the past twenty yrs lol, I am our youngest boys saturday alarm clock, for his paper round, funny he collected his wages yesterday a day early, and never seems as motivated Lol.

He being 14 has the answer to all lifes woes, today his pearl of wisdom, "Dad don't worry there all old and I am treating them to a lay in"

Funny thing is he comes home every week with bags of sweets, and treats they all buy him!! Quite a good thing mind we have had that round for 6 and half yrs, it started with joe now its callums and our lily had it in the middle and to boot she has a part time job in the shop now.

The other funny thing is the money has doubled since Joe had it and there are less papers!!! wish the whole world worked that way!!

So the Vegetable curry was delicious, I actually think vegetables take to a curry better than meat, my own opinion of course, all our kids say "what meat is it!!"

My reply oh butternut!!

So today as tomorrow work beckons I am going to cook a full on roast, even going to throw in a pud!!

Good to see the forum being put to it's maximum potential, keep up the great work.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Funny old thing I guess that fella did'nt win the "big one" last night as he was wearing the same clothes looking a bit glum when I saw him wander past the library a moment ago.

Me I am off home to wake up the herd, I am done making a racket in here, it's not my fault that the computer I got today has the worlds oldest keyboard!! Ah Rachel will be proud.

P.s Sorry for any spelling mistakes on any posts this morning, just half the letters are missing!! And I dont think the person next to me has been impresssed at my looking over at there keyboard at all!! LOL

Duncs a gamble free day for me,

Stepping forward never back.

Hope this catches you before you shut down computer.

Wanted to tell you how safe I am feeling.

Thank you kind person

xxx

Hi Dunc's... Just wanted to thank you for your thoughts in my diary. I have read your recent thoughts but I can't manage to cobble together a proper reply. I was going to tell you my amusing anecdotes of using library computers but when I started to write it wasn't very amusing, so I deleted and now ive got a slight headache but I still wanted to write something.. so this is it. So there we have it.. a whole paragraph which says very little other than thanks for your support :-)... ok ive gone.. regards... S.A

Hey Duncs...

Just a flyer and maybe im a bit slow on the uptake but am I right in thinking all your posts are done from the library?

If so ..wow ..wow and triple wow...that is one helluva commitment to recovery.Once again you are amazing Sir...respecta xxx

Morning diary.

Yes Rachel my thread is posted via the public library and my antique phone lol. Example if i don't go to the library and my Sarah has not logged on via her smart phone and you sent a picture. I wouldn't know as my phone does not do pictures lol. So example shiny's post on my 500th day of abstinence to me read

shiny xxx

a

with a huge gap above!! Lol

without this forum i would not use a computer. Only through here did i get an email address, we don't have Facebook or the internet at home we way behind the times lol.

But the thing i take from our lifestyle is our Joe's writing i believe stems from a love of books, we have a house full, and an amazing eclectic mix.

I confess we used to trawl charity shops for them, they outprice themselves, tesco is cheaper!!

But amazon is fantastic, we buy only used books, i love the idea of who else may have owned it.

Funny though we talk about the world alot, our Joe came home the other night from his newly formed collective, 'turning tides' and had had a great chat with a fella who wants to promote the collective via the medium of Facebook as by all accounts this is the way forward. so Joe may succumb to the modern world lol, tell a lie he has used twitter for some time for his poetry.

to end this chap said to Joe, he used to feel like he could fix anything, things seemed localized, were today he feels lost and ultimately inferior to technology, nothing repaired just replaced upgraded!!

to which Joe laughed and said " maybe take his advice and upgrade your phone lol"

So early start today, well earlier than wished for, next door but one had a party and it kicked out noisily at six!! lol

our friendly neighbour( bin hater) will be raging!!!

me, good luck to em, nice folk the fella works hard a six day week painting, himself mostly judging his overalls lol!!

So walked the hounds, well they ran about whilst i stood watching the peregrine noisily wait for hubby to return with breakfast the chicks are a week old by all accounts very hungry!! I watched a flock of goldfinch breakfasting and the robins were busy collecting food.

Home now to alarm call youngest then off to work.

Fathers day today, my thoughts always to my mum's Ed, a man who in his 69 yrs has seen a great deal, his kindness, calmness and non judgmental ways astound me. a man who for sure lives glass half full.

Anyhow enough rambling!!!

have a great day one and all.

Duncs stepping forward never back.