Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Afternoon Diary.

Thanks Rach, well that's the first round of student finances over with, no doubt we will incur further letters, emails and will have to send all but our inner inside leg measurements in again!!! Lol

No news on the paper round pay cut yet, but in talking to a few of the older members of the shop, the subject may well just get kicked under the carpet, we shall see.

In my life I learnt another great lesson this week, the fella I did the leaflets for, a fella whom I got to exchange emails and details of payments and contracts to has failed to pay me, he has had every excuse under the sun, everything except the cat's eaten it!!

Well today he assures me that on friday I will recieve full recompensiation for my troubles, a full 13 days later than agreed, to which I hope it does happen, I do hold a trump up my sleeve, I have the details held for the person above him and have used this as leverage.

My lesson, f**k I used to be just like him, full of promises and talked alot of sh#t, I don't like it on the other foot, it doe'snt feel nice at all, yet I know worse than this fella, I used to do it to my family and folks close to myself, well through that I have learnt a great deal, and again today it helped, as I talked rationally to find a solution, but that sour taste is something I don't enjoy, something I work hard not to put in other folks pallet.

Still at times like this I can see through the actions of others who I became through my addiction, and will not be returning to, to live a life founded on broken promises, The life and times of a compulsive gambler in action!!

So thought for today.

"live and learnt" oh and treat folk as you wish to be treated.

No bet today, no odds worth the risk, at any cost.

Right I am off to fill in my survey the library assistant has just given me titled "your views"

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Morning Duncan

Its amazing how u see that u av changed as a person and I totally relate to that , the phrase retraining our addled brain springs to mind , not gambling opens our eyes to a different world , like urself I av learned so much more bout myself and more importantly the need to make those step changes whilst gambling I could never see

The inspiration from reading diaries never ceases to amaze me for anyone recovering from gambling this is the place to be , just on the point alone from feeling low and just goin through the notions to reading one post and then thinking so differently been inspired by one line of words

Here there is everything we need to help us recover and stay gamble free all u av to do is keep reading and it will come to u , every possible emotion is found here and all here to help and support

Castle2

Afternoon diary,

Thanks castle, I think through abstinence we can only become better folk.

Today I thought about if the clock were wound back 17 months, today the day before payday I would be formulating like mad, my brain doing overtime, which bookies first, which number fobt, god my brain was a mess, I woulod formulate on how this month would be different, a morning winning it all back and then a month of joy.

REALITY.

A day gambling from bookie to bookie, many trips to the bank, only to stop when my draw limits were maxed in the bank, then the lies, the bullsh#tting my Sarah and the kids about how this month things went south, then of course not one to suffer from the gambling hangover, all the time there was funds to feed it, next day repaet cycle until the money was gone, then phone Mum with another story, and spend the month digging holes punctuated by bouts of gambling whenever funds came my way.

I get it the reader will think oh what about all the winnings, well I can assure you that if the walk of shame became a walk of the winner, it would just prolong the agony, all winings were turned temporaryally back to cash, soon to be formulated into yet more bets.

The spiral was decreasing and the bets increased. I dont know whether that was to try and win bigger or get the ordeal over quicker??

Either way, for me there is fortunatley a way to end the maddness that is my addiction to gambling, the inner switch has been found and turned off, fair play the sick, twisted, sadisdic b##astard tries to flick the trip switch most days, but I have a choice.

A chooce that leaves me in no doubt that today I am a winner, I am on a streak, I have been on it for 17 months now and I dont intend to cash it in any time soon, especially not today.

No bet today is my choice.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Great post Duncan 😉

One of many on your diary 🙂

DMac,

Thank you for the post on my diary. As I have just typed on Castle's diary it was no surprise to me to see you as the first to reply.

My post was tricky and I was very apprehensive but it has done me the world of good. I am so glad to be back and my focus and optimism is sky high. I want what you have my friend and I am going to focus on this single goal of not gambling and experiencing all the joys that that brings.

Thanks once again for the support.

Tomso.

Afternoon Diary.

Well it's pay day, the leaflet man paid some of what's owed the rest will follow monday, or the thumb screws will be out lol.

Why make promises you cant honour, I did ask him earlier if he liked a punt!!!

Well the bills are paid for the month, there are reddies of our hard earnt left, not a fortune but enough for a treat or two, the hounds have been for there nails cut, Sarah is off to town tomorrow and callum gets his Pompey season ticket, £80 for the whole season Bargin!! All those peacefull saturday afternoons for Sarah lol.

The student finance emailed our Joe!! Job done, all sorted, he just has to send a decleration back!! this is amazing as last year it was four months into the first year before he got his fees paid!!!

Another thing that was caused by my addiction.

The list of destruction goes much further than the debt, life just became one great big lie.

So today I am thankfull of the forum, Tomso is back, great news, I know he has a great deal to offer and look forward to reading his contributions.

Gazza has gone on holiday and that is amazing, the rewards of his constant hard work.

Fella's I salute you!!!

No bet for me today, why would I, I laughed outragiously loud when I read tomso's post, I had a purple patch like his five months before rock bottom.

Guess were my winnings went,

YOU GOT IT.

Ma and ed are caravaning, that and glasto is why it's raining!! oh and the tennis lol.

hope you all have a good weekend folks keep making the right choice.

NO BET TODAY.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

hi Duncanmac

thanks for contacting my friend, really appreciate that. i suppose the road to recovery is unique to all of us, what works for some does not work for others.

i wish you continued success and enjoyment of sobriety, bet wishes Dark Place

evening diary.

note to self next year you have to with the mac clan get to glastonbury.

loving the coverage on bbc.

seasick Steve. amazing.

' I started out with nothing and i still have most of it left'

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Yay ,.,am an ex Glastonbury survivor ..did about 4 years before I hung up me wellies and decided I was worth a flushing toilet...lol

Think having a naked jacuzzi with jools holland band may have been a highlight ...lol

You have to do it .....xx

R and D xx

Yo,

Just a quicky . Your post bout the paper boy wages put a slight smirk on my face . ( employing paper boys myself it was a subject a know something about).How they can get away with it , well outrageous .

But what a lesson you taught your kids , about fighting your corner .

Duncs I have say this site is a far better place with you in it , as you lead your children to live the best most productive life they can , from the wisdom and life skills you share , you do the same for so many of us here .

Enjoy you weekend ,

Shiny xxxxxxx

afternoon diary.

thanks shiny I do believe abstinence brings us to a mindset were we gift ourselves the ability to learn.

I do take so much from the forum as regards learning lessons.

from tomso i learnt this week about looking at the bigger picture, from Joan i learnt its about hanging on, no matter how big the opponent and the punches he throws through abstinence we find resolve, castle has shown a constant determination to live a life his efforts deserve.

Todays lesson came from the honourable Steve, to show humility to others.

whilst gambling I couldn't care less about my family let alone my neighbours, in fact i couldn't care too much about myself, I felt like i had gambled my right to have a voice, through that i just made angry noise.

My attitude to the world was if it doesn't bring me pleasure through a punt then i am not interested. life Did become truly unmanageable, it just spirralled out of control, the ridiculous things that consumed me, and everything hanging on the outcome of a punt or formulating future punts.

through abstinence my voice has grown again, but with it comes measure.

I today understand the power of words and salute you Steve for having used yours to satisfy others, for me this is a remarkable gift, that of humility.

through addiction I became second best to everything, but

could not find the voice to tell a soul, my feelings of embarrassment, the humiliation of thinking that i was the only gambler who lost.

the compulsion to gamble holds that over us.

Today I am happy to share my loss with the world.

why??

it's simple I am a compulsive gambler 'I cannot win because I cannot stop' the odds are stacked so high against me that with them i feel no shame.

why??

because I found abstinence, a winning formula.

each day I grow, my resolve grows and with it my belief that life actually gifted me something amazing.

I am the luckiest man alive, yet I don't use luck, there is no room for it in my life.

Todays choice is to enjoy my life to its full potential and with that take responsibility for helping any one who needs my help.

'many hands make light work'

Here I know there are countless folk from both sides of the fence who feel the same, take our Rachel, today she posted about the folk in her life she was prepared to help, funny thing was she left out the folk she helps here every day unconditionally. Rachel i salute you.

To arrest the gamble gifts us all a marvelous opportunity and I am so pleased to see it taken on many levels.

No bet today, I have too much to lose and without gambling so much to gain.

we all do.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Keep moving forward my friend.....

Thanks for the post on my diary.

All the best

Ade

Great last few posts Dunc, you always inspire and provoke thought in equal measure. A real asset towards everyone's recovery. Have a lovely day and I hope the back's holding out.

Regards

Steve

Mornin Duncan

So much inspiration comes out of ur posts , the change u see in urself is admirable the admittance of how u were to the very person u r today I think sometimes surprises urself , gambling changes us all we all know it doesn't allow the brain to function , we all av grown over the time we av spent on here its all there for us to see from our very 1st posts to where we are now

I will always remember the time when I considered leaving this site many said do what u av to do the careful and easy approach but u flipped it on its head and made me realise it wasn't the right thing to do , today I thank u for that I wouldn't be where I am right now if it wasn't for that decision to stay

Castle2

morning diary.

thanks for the kind words fella's I feel humbled by them and take great heart from what we are all doing.

This is a project for life, a life choice, one which above all other things will lead to only better things.

I can see there is no easy fix, no instant remedy, through addiction I wanted instant results, this bled over to all aspects of my life, through abstinence I am learning that 'all good things come to those who wait'

Through my profession I know sometimes it's better to tell the customer that something is not ready to serve yet, it requires further cooking and in equal measures it needs to rest and relax before I let it go over the pass.

recovery is the same as this, I go full steam ahead at my 'project' but need to remember to gift myself time to rest and relax.

I find a great portion of this comes from gamcare, I find reading and posting remarkably relaxing,calming and therapeutic.

I live my life around food and often think of myself in this analogy. whilst gambling I was like a steak, wanted to be flash fried,and wouldn't always be good eating, the flavour not right and sometimes tough and hard to eat, and not a pleasant endearing memory.

through abstinence I feel like a braised shoulder of lamb, slowly cooking, soaking up all the flavours around me, marrying with all the other ingredients to form a long living memory. I am still the main ingredient but not wanting to be like the steak, the star of the show.

today i understand that i am as good as all the other ingredients in the pan, we are all as good as each other, lets slowly braise away, enjoying each others company, enjoy the fact we will always be bountiful and need never be disappointed or underwhelmed on occasions like that steak again.

Off to some good friends later, Sarah, myself and the hounds, a few beverages and a catch up then more glastonbury on the tv tonight, good times.

enjoy the sun one and all, it's shining inside and out today.

No bet for me today, our monies not for wasting.

Duncs stepping forward never back.