Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Hey Duncs

I am reading your post there and thinking that perhaps your re writing of the 12 steps in your own words may include along the lines of life is difficult ...and once you accept that and stop wishing it be something else then it becomes less so....."life on life's terms"as they say in the meetings.

I understand more about Sarah's feelings now after your second post ..as I would be the same...what do they say on here? ..something like the wife's/ husbands live worrying about a relapse and the CG trying to convince them it won't happen.

I think it comes down to expectations again and that whole thing about progress not perfection....just from my own recovery I can pretty much say I will not take up in a codep relationship again, but I cannot rule out that that may never happen,

The difference today is that if I do..I now have the tools to extract myself out if it or see the signs and red flags before hand..damage limitation.I can assure and even promise though that years and years will not be spent flogging a dead horse.

The 12 step programme is your kit bag of tools...it answers the "how do I change "part of recovery..all these years in a out of rooms have made some impression on me and I was not an easy customer.

I don't get too preachy on here about the programme because i know it rubs folks up the wrong way and recovery is bespoke but if you asked me in private conversation..i think its the only way out of hell.

Always forward...

R and D xx

afternoon diary.

thanks shiny and Rachel, i value your words.

Another day another choice.

today i choose to spend another day enjoying recovery.

I take great heart in the fact Sarah too is honest about recovery, I enjoy the honesty of it all, it keeps us on the same page and yes it puts another brick in the wall between me and that destructive punt.

To my own end the twelve steps are proven to work, i have been fortunate to see this through GA. So i know when i handed my will over to recovery it was because of what's on offer.

abstinence.

My life is enriched by this each day, i know all to well what complacency can do to recovery and i know tomorrow i start again. we all do, recovery is not a competition each day we all face a choice.

once again i bettered my tomorrow, I wish the same for you.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

together we stand.

Hey Duncs

Yep your right there ...recovery is not a competition and thank goodness as I am often 1 step forward and 10 back and a few round and round in a circle..lol ..

always reading xx

Hi there

new beginnings but struggling with the 'normal rational thinking' bit as don't think I have ever been there.

You are only human but don't think Sarah needs to worry as should the mighty fall you would be straight back up there trowel in hand and bricks at the ready.

xxx

Afternoon diary,

Thanks for the kind words, I am honoured, great to see something good rise from that pile of brickdust.

I have been visited by the lovely local environmental health officer today, for a check up and a chat, found out that saying is true 'if you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen' lol we had all the equipment on full kilt and he suggested we may adjourn to the dining room to do the paperwork after only a short period of time lol, I hope the fella had another shirt in the car, or lived between me and his next appointment!!! He was dripping#!!

Still all good and scored a 5 on the scores on the doors thing, which I don't get at all, as you dont have to display it!!! so score a 1 out of 5 and just bin your window sticker!!! another great idea poorly administrated!!!

The sticker went in the window so the owner is happy.

I was thinking alot the past couple of days about my Sarah's thoughts, about the 'cue'

and how to prove to her how I left that cue?

Well today I have the answer, to carry on the exact way I am, my commitment to recovery is unchanged, my quest to live life and enjoy every moment of it relentless!!

So I will take a leaf out of my shiny friends book, I won't over think things, I will enjoy Harmony.

My name is duncan I am a compulsive gambler, no bet since 23/01/2012

Stepping forward never back.

I am off home now, my library session alarm bell went off, my shoes are satisfactuaryly filled with puddles of sweat along with my t-shirt, the tour de france today need not worry lol!!!!!!!!!

For supper I want ice cream, and an ice lolly for afters!!!

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Yo,

I am not sure you can ever lay to rest Sarah's fears .

Because it will always be there even though it's lying foment inside . But I think those fears become but a spec as day after day you continue to work the programme . Are you the same guy who stood in that in court room , yes in away and no in another .

Every day you put your family first , I have no doubt they can all see that . There's security in that I feel .

But you are right over thinking it achieves B*****r all , you are doing the right things , and as a family reaping the rewards .

There's only one thing left to say

Keep on keeping on lol

Shiny xxxxxxxxx

Hi Duncs,

Amen to Shiny's last post. I totally get where Sarah is coming from. She has every right to her worries. And, you have your work cut out for you to allay them. You guys are true life partners and there is no doubt in my mind that you will get through anything together. How do I know this? At your core you are a good honest man Duncs. And, I agree wholeheartedly that the key is to not try to contol, or overthink. Relax and be you. Gambling is not you and never was. Just be you, doc and sweetness will follow. -joanxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi mate, good to read all is well with you, I am always inspired to follow your steps.

Thanks for your post of support. I felt okay yesterday but today I just feel awful. I know deep down there is no way back from this.

Need this diary as much as ever at moment. I have massive urges to gamble and all blocks are in place barring driving 15 miles to a bookies which I will refrain from doing.

Will try post you more often just bare with me, at my lowest right now.

evening diary.

recovery gifts us in many ways.

today the gift of belonging to gamcare came courtesy of three lovely ladies who mean a great deal.

Joan,blondie and sue thankyou for sharing.

after reading those posts it confirms why today I made a choice.

No bet today.

why??

because my name is Duncan i am a compulsive gambler who started winning on the 23/01/2012

the day i arrested my addiction.

one day at a time.

stepping forward never back.

thankyou ladies I salute you!!

Good evening Mr Mac,

I have been catching up on your diary and wanted to add my thoughts about the cue so to speak. Nothing in life is guaranteed as you know from the rooms we cant control people, places and things, but we can control our actions, and each day when we wake up and say those powerful words "Just for today" we go right to the back of the cue.

A relapse comes from complacency from underestimating the power of our addiction, from thinking we can just have one bet.

You my friend are NOT complacent. So today we get to cue jump right to the back and tomorrow we do it again the only winning formula

there is.. Just for today.

Take care duncs and best wishes and strength to sarah.

Blondie x

Nice positive last post mate. That's what it's all about staying positive and making the right choices. We do have the power to choose.

morning Diary.

thanks blondie/dave, yes I do feel i'm at the very back of the line as regards were a punt comes to going from being a niggling thought somewhere deep within and all the good things I am blessed with in my life.

I used to think every day was like getting on a train heading toward a cliff, I would ride it to see how dangerously close I could take it to the edge before I jumped off, watching the rest of the carriages crash destructed never to return. that was my life whilst gambling, no regards for anyones safety you could all go to hell in the handcart, well unless you were going to fund my addiction, then you could stick around until I had emptied the well dry.

Today I don't feel the need to board that train, there is and never was anything to be gained by riding that train, the only winner my compulsion to gamble. Plain and simple, it was never about the money, it was 100% emotional, to feed my emotions, good and bad they were all measured by throwing no caution to the wind and full on punting.

Why doe's it take so much destruction to arrest the compulsion, why could it not stop before I watched yet another train take the plunge.

I guess I will never know as today is about taking that emotion, inner compulsion and using it to my advantage.

To set out today and make the very best of today I can, to live and love living.

Why??

Because that train went crashing by, I waved it on it's way.

No bet today.

A choice as fruitfull as my blackcurrant bush(I reckon there may even be two jars of jam a coming!!!!)

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Dunc's ...

as you ask "Why doe's it take so much destruction to arrest the compulsion?" .... it is perplexing isn't it but I guess the bottom line is this... its the power of the emotional brain to override the logical thinking brain.

Anyway no more feeding the emotional brain with compulsive gambling... as you say, stepping forwards, never back... regards.. S.A 🙂

evening diary

just a quick visit to say what a joy it is to watch a couple of hrs of cricket today and not be constantly disrupted by gambling and live betting odds, other sports could learn a lot. Today i carried on my own streak.

by making a choice No bet today.

gutted i missed out on a bargain today on route to work the local shop had strawberries reduced from two quid to one fifty a pound, i thought i will be getting back there on the way home and they will be reduced again, there was roughly fifty lb punnets. on the way home i ventured in to find out an hour before they went for 10pence a punnet!!!

imagine the jam!!!! oh well the next batch they had put out are dated for Sunday so we may have a mac family relay stalk out of the shop lol!!!

I love the opportunity of a bargain.

enjoy your weekend gamcarers gamble free.

duncs stepping forward never back.

Hey Duncs,

I too have been watching the cricket, and it has been great to watch without the worry of money being tied up on the outcome, a fantastic and compelling match!!

It has been 50 days for me today, and just wanted to thank you for your support and the inspiration provided by your diary. Keep up the great work and have a great weekend.

Phil