Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Hey Duncs xx

I love that you have a new wall but one that keeps the bad guys at bay but does not isolate you as you have a trusted path..

Btw ..I love those steamers!!!!we got chatting to the people who own "Sallie" and I think they have been around the country too and are from Ruthin in North Wales..they also keep sheepdogs.

Thank you for the post today ...as Lazurus said if it gets really bad I will go for help but to be honest the worst of my anxiety came out in my 20s as delayed grief and I was riddled with anxiety and panic attacks and would not leave the house and had to race back to safety leaving half full shopping trollies...I even ended up in A and E once on an oxygen mask as I was hyperventilating so badly.

I cant guarnatee it but i am 99.9% sure I will never go back to that ever again no matter how stressful it becomes.

Still doing cold turkey but I am fortunate as I work with people who are qualified herbalists and nutritionalists so I have a whole dispensary at my disposal ...the 45% proof alcohol as preservative being one huge advantage!! Lol

Keep Safe and Carry On ..lol

R and D xx

Hi Duncs,

Another wow post. And, not a bunch of sugar dripping Hallmark hoohah. You tell it like it was, and now, like it is. All we have to do is want it and then make it so. We all have the power within us to make that change. Thanks Duncs! -joanxxxx

Hey Duncs,

What an amazing post, it warms my heart to know that everything is possible and there is that other side of Life out there instead of destroying disease. You are one good example, how to do it and thank you very much for that....Brick by brick, my wall will go up too, it will take time...but it's definitely worth it...For better and peaceful future.

Enjoy those rewards you truly deserve

Take care

Sandra x

DMac,

First class post my friend. I could read posts like that all day long. Also, thank you for the post on my diary.

Ref my quitting smoking - I am a serial quitter but every relapse happens when alcohol is present. I don't drink often and by that I mean maybe once per month. I often find myself going four weeks, six weeks or even a few months smoke free during which I don't drink and then as soon as I have a night out my quit is broken and I return to full-time smoking. In terms of help I don't think I need help getting through each day but would love to hear any advice you have that would enable me to drink without smoking. My recent quit lasted six weeks. Most people can't go six days. Someone once told me that if I can go six weeks without smoking I should never have to smoke ever again.

Tomso.

Hello Dunc's..

You do write some heart warming posts. You've faced this compulsion with honesty, humility and strength and desrve the rewards it reaps.

My past trade is a bricklayer, yet i don't even know how to lay that 1st brick never mind in its correct bond.

The cap is off as i wish you continued strength and honor

Hi Duncs,

As you know, I draw lots of inspiration from your diary and can identify with some much of what you post.

I too have become aware that the time I lost with family whilst gambling can never be regained, which makes me all the more determined to make every minute count now.

Thanks for your support on my diary.

Wishing you continued happiness with your brood.

Take care

Irene

x

Evening diary

tonight i am humbled by a new thread kate79

That could have been me, I wish you well in your recovery Kate and again am reminded how destructive this addiction is.

Today i accompanied my Sarah for her smear test, four years overdue, why has it become so overdue??

Well i aportion that to my addiction, she has spent the last years looking out for me and the kids, her selfless devotion to making sure things tick over, fighting the fires i made means she put her own priorities well down the list. Her commitment to our family humbles me greatly.

So all my fingers crossed her health is all ok and today through her recovery she grows from strength to strength, she finished school today for the summer term and my hope is she gets to enjoy some down time without the stress my addiction bore.

She has a break to my mums planned on her own for a week and tonight she donned a beautiful summer dress and another teacher is having a bbq. She truly is my soulmate my get up and go.

My life with her is complete, i let my addiction test it to the brink and through it i know to still have her i am a very lucky man

So tonight through recovery I salute you my beautiful wife Sarah. I love you more today than i did yesterday but not as much as tomorrow.

My name is Duncan i am a compulsive gambler no bet since

23/01/2012

Stepping forward never back.

Hi Duncs

Self care is what it's all about ...after running around for years after everyone else I also had a 12 year gap between my smear appointment!!...I got a telling off and rightly so by the district nurse ..."how could a woman my age ..blah blah"

In the end I'd convinced myself I had some horrible gyney illness as divine punishment for not being able to handle "him" and failing as a woman....so I was pleased as punch when I got the all clear..

Just got to sort the old head out now and life will be sweet..lol

R and D xx

Ps ..good to see your mum on friends and family xx

DMac,

Thanks for the continued support. I had a tricky time of it yesterday but I came through strong and feel great today because of it.

Your triangle is the ground work to success. I have looked at what you do and take a great deal from that and so I should since your diary mirrors what everyone else is working towards.

Tomso.

Afternoon diary.

Well I am in the library enjoying a catch up as my phone appears to be on the blink, it lets me log on then logs me off, keeps turning itself off and on too, maybe time to invest in a new one.

Hopefully one with buttons that actually fit a man's fingers and not a touch screen one, no never again!!!

Had enough of that ridiculousness with this one, oh and could I have one that has a battery life of more than about a hour!!!

lol Rant over.

Interesting thread the honourable captain has going, one in which he has continued gambling, but tried to irradicate the random eliment out of it. For me I can't split the two, for my mind all gambling is random and win or lose I know what a bet would do for Duncs, simple it would lead to another. In fact we could bet on it!!!!

No all joking aside it does highlight again that recovery is bespoke, we have to do what works for us, we are not here to judge each other, we are here as a team.

A team which sets out our own goals and works toward them.

For this I again am hugely proud to be a part of the forum.

I have to fast from eight tonight as I hope to have the last round of blood tests in the morning before my medication is fixed up for good, so no late night cuppa for me and a bicci!!!!

I will watch the darts to which I have been enjoying, those guys are awesome, all those ton eighties!!! and super check outs!!

So life is ticking along nicely in the Mac household, the kids are all busy with there own plans, Sarah is lunching with friends tomorrow lol, oh here is to a wonderful life.

Why ?

Because today I made a choice, one which enables my family to go on living a life not shrouded in the outcome of my addiction.

NO bet today

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thanks for the post Dunc. Think I need clarify my use of the term random. I am not talking about it in the sense of the result of an event being random and not suggesting I will be gambling on sports events where I expect to predict the result with a really high degree of certainty. You could certainly make the point that all results of gambling events are random, although I would say that sports involving only humans and if we assume the human is trying to win in general are more logical in their outcome more of the time than events involving

animals and then of course computerised events or

roulette are totally random in terms of predictability

and results.

I am using the term random to mean gamble randomly on whichever event is happening in a bookmakers at that point in time, in repeated out of control fashion.

So I am making the distinction between planned, controlled bets at affordable amounts which do me no harm versus unplanned bets and behaviour which takes all my money away. So neither type is anywhere near guaranteed to win but the 'random' type is the one which I need to avoid.

I know you will always favour complete abstinence and I respect that but I know this is the right approach for me.

hey Duncs

Sorry I'm not so philanthropic ....I mentioned controlled gambling to a certain person who we know does not want to be this way ..it was reverse psychology

I believe recovery is bespoke but not where any form of gambling exists...it's the same in AA ...people who do quick fix rehab and then go back into wet areas..

I've never met a controlled drinking ex alcoholic yet.

In most areas of life I am willing to be less judgemental but not this one ..progress and slippage fine with a commitment to abstinence but not trying to bargain with the devil,

I have no respect for the devil therefore no respect for anyone who does deliberate business with it .

Xx

DMac,

Thanks for the post on my diary. I must admit I enjoy the debate that we are all involved with in Captain's diary. I like hearing different people's ideas on gambling subjects. Anyway, for me the only way to cure a gambling problem is to not gamble and believe in what you are trying to achieve and appreciate all the benefits that come from abstinence. You, my friend, are the leading example of this.

I think people's thoughts towards smoking and gambling are similar. Smokers convince themselves that they smoke because they enjoy it. I don't believe that I think smokers enjoy relieving themselves of the awful withdrawal symptoms that smoking creates. Gamblers, myself included, convince themselves that we enjoy gambling. Do we? Really!!! If I were to write a list of pros and cons that I experience when on a gambling binge the list of cons will far outweigh the list of pros.

Tomso.

Hey Dunc,

as you say everyone is different and the recovery process is very much bespoke, zero tolerance is the only way for me and I think for most people. Anyway, you continue to be a valued and inspirational member of the forum, and you can be extremely proud of your efforts.

keep it up mate and have a great weekend

Phil

Hi Duncs, know the theory now but struggling with the practical. Away after next week so much needed recovery time.

Glad all is good for you.

xxx