Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Afternoon Diary

well managed to walk the hounds without their coats on!!!!!!!! and the sun is shining, all be it just for today I believe.

I did gasp when hearing the thames has burst it's banks this mornign and hope that our friends houseboat is ok.

Great to see flagg has put up a 2014 gamble free thread, I hope it gets the respect it deserves and the numbers grow from last year.

As my point of view is any medicine is great medicine.

Off to the supermarket now, Sarah is standing over my shoulder LOL, willing me to stop typing. I have a gammon on the stove top,poached off this morning and will be looking for something nice to go with it.

I hope to secure a bargin cauliflower, then it will be cauli cheese! lovely.

I read on SA's thread that he did not post today with any relivance to gambling.

Well my dear friend I make you wrong.

The things, achievements I read of today, f**k the man ran 17 miles!!!amazing are totally relevant to our addiction.

As I am sure today running would have been the last thing on his mind if he was still at it, and for me the truth is dinner would have been made up of poor excuses if I choose to gift my addiction my valuable time.

For me their is no place in my life for any forms of gambling

Because I made a choice today, one that will enrich my life not destruct it.

I DID WIN BECAUSE I DID STOP

My name is duncs I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back.

Hi Dunc's ... thank you my friend for your support.

Its a funny old winter isn't it. Coming up to mid-January and still no ice and snow. Not that am complaining, running on ice is no fun but running in powder snow is very good fun. Also running with a low winter sun isn't much fun (it hurt the eyes a bit today) but running in wind and rain is good fun.. at least I think so.

I hope you got your bargain cauliflower and enjoy your gammon dinner. A few nibbles for the hounds on the side perhaps. When gambling I lived on fast food. Out the arcade after a jackpot and into mcdonalds. I never finished the fizzy drink mind, needed to get back to MY machine.

Their is no place in my life for any forms of gambling either. Logically I understand that... its just hard sometimes. Day at a time as always... Regards... S.A 🙂

Evening diary

Thanks S.A. I did get that cauliflower, so had cauliflower cheese and gammon. Delicious. We enjoyed it so much I went back today and bagged two more reduced cauliflower so tomorrow we enjoy it again. Happy days.

The gammon was a half price post xmas bargain and the cheese likewise. Our freezer is nicely stocked with some amazing bargains all waiting for us to enjoy.

So today I made tomato soup and cooked off a salt beef joint and enjoyed them both, and the eight goal thriller on the tv to boot.

So another great weekend and made even greater when

it's done on a shoestring. Recovery has taught me that throwing money at everything really is not always the best way to get results. I would have overlooked so many simple things that we enjoy today either through not wanting to spend precious gambling funds and in the same vain waste any time that could be dedicated to doing my boll**ocks.

Well no more, smilers post today spoke volumes about recovery.

I am honoured to be able to share it.

Recovery, the gift that keeps giving.

My name is duncs I am a compulsive gambler. No bet today

Stepping forward never back.

Well done duncs, on your recovery an your so right you will always be a compulsive gambler like wise myself we have too live with this for the rest of our life's but takes the stronger person too fully admit an get on with our lives. You said by not gambling you enjoy the better things in life now the fact of saving money something you can't do being a compulsive gambler. A remember all through my gambling history I could loose £750 at bookies but grudge spending £5 on my dinner looking back noo that's how serious gambling is when you get too that stage it doesn't make sense. Enjoy reading your comments an keep posting an helping others on our seek for recovery. No bet today moving forward never back 🙂

Hey Duncs

I'm not angry at people on here just at my own stupidity and allowing this humiliation in my life.. Charlie potatoes is true.. I call them the big "I am " splash cash...Arthur Daleys

The ex at 50 will look like a bloated beer belly pub landlord with a 20 year old girlfriend , I know this but yet it still brings me no satisfaction as I am livid I fell for this.

I was impressed with his professional and clean cut standing in his work in a line of work I respect..not the cash. The local lad made good story and I felt proud of him then this flip side ? ..I can't cope with it.

My flip side involves the occasional nasty outbursts and a shoe shop...!!!

Im just not coping again with anger after being re triggered by extremes. Xxx

Hey Duncs,

If I bring a pound or two and maybe a wee bottle of wine, are there any seats available at your dinner table? I'm generally a terrible cook, so the idea of a nice gammon and cauliflower cheese sounds brilliant!

It's been sad to see how Portsmouth have taken a major downward spiral over recent years, a series of bad owners and threadbare squads have left them unable to compete in each division they've been in. Just look at what Swansea have done though, from the brink of administration ten years ago back up to the Premiership, there's always hope.

Hope the week is starting well for you,

All the best

Ryan

Hey Duncs,

Great to read you are enjoying your well deserved days recovery gifting you!!

I am happy for you and your family. You are great inspiration for others and should be proud:-)

Sarah is very lucky to have a husband which can cook, is strong and gives all his love to the people he cares...it is life my friend, and we are here to live it!!!

Keep it up and never look back

Sandra x

Evening diary.

Thanks for the kind words folks. I listened today to a couple of fellas who were saying it was a fantastic weekend for football betting, and how they had waited all this season for it to happen, me i found myself smiling, one of them piped up.

Why you so happy then? ?

Well gentlemen i said, i win every weekend!

Enough said.

There really is no reason for this to change, i embarked on this winning streak. I found a formula that works for me.

My name is duncs i am a compulsive gambler no bet today.

Stepping forward never back.

That's the same conversation I was party to! I was oblivious to how the betting side of things went I just watch results as a football fan! I agree 100% that you win every weekend and so do I. It has stirred something up in me though so I came on here to post and read. I almost forgot this place existed not sure if that's good or bad as I became obsessed with posting before! I did work for me though and is better than feeding bottomless pitted FOBTs! Take care

Evening diary.

Thanks smiler, glad you found your way back fella, the doors of recovery do indeed revolve. Great to see you back for the right reasons. To share the gift of resolve and most of all do the right thing for yourself, as i said this week recovery is the one selfish act we can all take and never stop taking. To do that without questioning, without prejudice, with judging others is my quest. I dont want to be judge and jury, i dont wish to be the one casting my own view. I want to share this journey because like smiler i can see what recovery will do for you. It will gift you your life, whatever you want life to be, me i just want harmony, to feel my worth, to contribute to this world in a positive way, the rewards are endless.

f**k i used to constantly be reminded of the costs of feeding my addiction, it just led me down a path that got narrower, the walls closed in, my luck long ran out, i blamed everyone but myself, i was green with envy of others good fortune. I threw all i had, money, friendship, relationships, jobs, my self worth at a machine.

Ultimately a machine with a paltry 500 pound jackpot.

So whats the cost today.

Not a penny, not a loved ones respect, not my bosses faith, not my self respect. What it costs is nothing other than a belief in myself, a willingness to learn from my mistakes, the ability to listen, take what is on offer and learn.

I am all in.

I will pitch all i have and throw it at recovery. Because the results are worth more than any bet.

My name is duncan i am a compulsive gambler no bet today. Stepping forward never back.

Hi Duncan

I echo your sentiments entirely, could not have put it better! Life is there if you want it.

Take care

Morning diary

Well I have had a couple of hours spare this morning so I used it well, the library, free to use, the sites that don't interest me blocked and today I even saw the librarian smile LOL

So today I have again navigated my way around the forum, my resolve to remain in abstinence topped right up, a few smiles raised and something that I find happens alot for me here.

I find myself reading thread and thinking WOW that was me, that person is actually doing what I did, reading it tells me two things, that it has'nt changed a bit, the same for everyone at it.

Simply cannot ever win, because the winning is never enough. The relentless belief that this addiction gifts us that everything will be answered in the form of a bet. The truth is it just deludes us, it actually makes us completly irrational, it makes us all consumed with winning.

Then the truth is when we do win, what happens?? We go back at it.

So the bare fact for me is there again today.

It is for me nothing to do with the money, the money is just for me the fuel to feed my compulsion. the result??

There is only one result, I will feed my compulsion until there is nothing left.

I have in my life walked the walk of shame more times than I walked away with any winnings.That feeling of impending doom, the one that I actually on many occasions willed to happen, I triggered the onslaught, raised the stakes until I could leave.

I would only leave when there was nothing left, no fuel to feed my compulsion.

I would only then feel the ansgt, self loathing and worst of all bitterness towards everything in my life, how shi##t is that, that I knew the outcome but still went at it.

So today I find myself typing from the heart, I hope that I continue to learn from my shortfalls, that I keep this understanding why I cannot wage a single penny on any form of gambling.

Because it is simple.

I cannot win because I cannot stop.

For me again I praise anybody who wants to regulate/ban the fobt but for me the most important lesson is that the recovery and continued abstinence is surely to be the main focus for evey one of us.

Because the result is the same

I DID WIN BECAUSE I DID STOP

This is what is on offer.

My name is duncs I am a compulsive gambler No bet today Stepping forward never back.

Duncs,

I use you as an inspiration. I don't always comment but always read your posts. Closing in on 2 years since you started your diary! I NEVER want to catch you up in terms of days, weeks, months, years, centuries gambling free but I commit to remaining to same about of days behind you

Onwards and upwards Duncs.

Your posts change peoples live and I mean that.

Thank you,

Onwards and upwards,

Hanz

Morning Diary

Thanks Hanz, fella you are in terms of continued abstinence circa 50 days ahead, through the actions of my three hours of madness I am not closing in on two years continued abstinence, simply because for those three hours I handed back my recovery to my addiction.

I did learn f*****g huge lesson, I did kick myself hard up the backside, I did not run and hide as my addiction wanted me too.

I stood and faced it, I confessed to my beloved wife as to what a f*****g idiot I had been, that i had stopped talking, taking my recovery seriously, I let myself become complacent.

Then my addiction sidled up and said he wanted to be my best friend again!!

Like a fool I took the chance.

That chance will not happen in the same circumstance again, I strengthened my blocks, learnt a lot, dug deeper into my soul to ensure that a relapse will not be entertained.

for me I fully understand that a bet, punt of any form is 100% totally unacceptable, I am fully aware of what the results will be.

I peeled the skin of the man my compulsion grew me into, the decieptful,lying,cheating,thieving,self loathing a**e##Hole and I wont be donning that suit again.

I have just spent a further two hours of my life topping up my resolve, a gift each and every one of you gamcarers freely give, unconditionally I hope I contribute back.

Recovery the gift that keeps giving.

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler NO bet today.

Stepping forward never back.

Hey Duncs,

Great post and I always learn so much from your words. Thank you for sharing.

Recovery is trully bespoke and never stops giving. I am proud to walk the walk with you my friend.

You are great inspiration and I know that the only way to arrest this addiction is looking at it straight in the eyes and meeting it head on.

Strength and honour dear soldier

Day at a time

Sandra x