Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Great post duncs thanks for your post on my diary I always take note of your posts and your never judgemental not everyone is the same but you are an inspiration probably more so that you gave 3 hours back to the devil no one is invincible from it we just have to keep the battle going.

Thanks again

The bear

Hi Duncs

The honesty in your latest post is without doubt something I still see too much of in myself.

"decieptful,lying,cheating,thieving,self loathing a**e##Hole"

All of those have applied to me at one time or another, and there are still moments when I feel that there is no chance of rising above that risible creature I once was. However, those bleak moments are becoming fewer and further between, and as gambling retreats humanity is still seeping back in.

Keep going mate, setbacks are just that. The journey may take a little longer, but the important thing is not to let the setbacks stop the journey entirely.

Ryan

Hi Duncs

I read your diary over the last few days and I just wanted to say that you really are an amazing person with an inspiring journey. Thanks so much for posting on my diary and being there for support.

Linda X

Morning Diary

Thanks for the kind words folks, this journey is made up of some contributions from some truly amazing folk, from my family who have tried to understand what goes on in my head, why the addled part of my brain overtook the sensible loving one and forgot about what was important in the pursuit of a bet, GA and this forum a place where for me everyone counts the same, we are all equal. I believe we all have something to add and addiction is a great leveller, recovery gifts us our voices back it is great to see the many folk who freely use them in a fashion that is truly humbling Again I salute you each and every one of you. My true friends who stood by and me always willing me to hold on to the belief that things would improve.

Bottom line is the life of a compulsive gambler for me was a very lonely one, I believed I had many friends, but in truth they were just in the same place as me and when they lost I relished in it, I myself felt that pain many times through the walk to the door, head hung low, willing the ground to open up and swallow me, that isolation carried on in work, at home I the further into my gambling life became completely detached from the real world.

Foolishly thinking I would one day answer it all through a bet!!

Ridiculous in the sobering cold light of today.

Today I embrace life through recovery, I am not religious, I speak my mind, my honest thoughts are bared, I take others honesty too, try to learn from it, it drives me compells me to carry on my relentless pursuit of enjoying life.

I gift this forum a couple of hours a day, why?? because I have the spare time, f**k I used to spend at least half a dozen hours most days gambling or formulating my next bet, so today to gift recovery a couple of hours is a small commitment for a huge payout, the result is the other 22 hours in each day are equally constructive.

I have my life back, each and every day I have to make a choice to keep it.

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

stepping forward never back.

Hi Dunc.

Some great posts recently my friend.

continued best wishes.

Enjoy your weekend,

gazza

Hey Mr Duncs,

You never stop to amaze me and your wisdom is never ending either. You speak from the heart and I am so proud of you.

I am very honoured to walk the walk beside you. Such an inspiring person, seeing things for that they are and striding confident steps forward...you always someone I looked up to...why? Because you took this journey with honesty, pride and optimism. Your heart shines through, and what's what I love to see. No screens, no false feelings attached...you say how it is.

Respect my friend. 🙂

You and your family deserve nothing but happiness, fulfilment and peace.

Each day you make that right choice you stepping closer towards your goal...the strength I admire :-))

Thank you for sharing your thoughts...I like to see glass full rather than half empty....something you mentioned to me long ago :-))

Keep it up

Thank you for your support and understanding

Sandra x

Thanks Duncs

Your acknowledgment of my one year mark means a great deal to me.

I will take a bow as you ask (as soon as I am fit enough to get out of this bed)!! ha!

Take care and remain strong as ever.

Feb.

Afternoon Diary

Thanks Feb, it is truly inspiring to see other folk making the right choice and the profound effect it has on not only their lives but that of many others around them.

So the rain came, I actually sat with my eldest late last night and said I couldnt remember raini like it before for such a continued period. The Sky has given up the ghost, o*g what will we do lol!! well first thing was first a phone call to book an engineer to be told that if our box was over a year old they would charge us, thankfully for them it is'nt lol and to boot the fella said they expect them to last a year!!!

So I discussed a rebate on the bill, why not they are not providign a service until tuesday when the engineer will visit and they actually agreed!!

So I have dispatched Joe to see Sarah's kid brother and get some dvd's to keep us entertained, anything so we dont have to watch 'les miserables' !!!!!!!!! It thankfully is still in it's wrapper(since Sarahs birthday last may)

So this morning I cleaned the conservatory roof of all the moss, cleaned the gutters out, the windows and washed the patio down ready for the next installment of rain!!

Youngest has gone off to watch Pompey play Waterpolo lol and sarah and lily are enjoying a lazy day.

I again have navigated my way to the library, it is so tranquil in here today, you could here a pin drop.

Well you can here my club fingers tapping a beat lol, the librarian keeps throwing me the 'kermit' seriously I have been in here an hour or so and not seen another soul, makes me wonder how long the facility will excist??

Still I happy today in my own company.

Great to see lady feb celebrate a year in recovery, well done my friend.

And today again I have been inspired greatly by reading the many words of wisdom this wonderful forum gifts whoever wants to take it.

Gamcare I doff my cap to you today.

Without you I would not be half the fella I am today.

Right off to make cottage pies for supper.

My cue to leave a crowd of ankle biters have shattered the peace lol

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler NO bet today

Stepping forward never back.

Hi Dunc's... and thanks for your wisdom. I keep on enlarging the circle, one day at a time. small steps eh.

I picture you sitting in your personal library. I think its wrong that in a time of austerity that the council supplies a whole library just for you! lol 😉

Reading about your cleaning, gets me motivated to clean my flat... a bit lol Also my neighbour has just presented me with a bunch of wall paper that he's getting rid of... sometime soon I will decorate my bedroom which is currently exactly as it was when I moved in several years ago. Something to do when ive got more time on my hands.

I enjoy reading about people's live's. I pick up idea's for my own life. Keep on writing friend, keep on writing..as I do the same. Regards.. S.A 🙂

Hey Duncs,

Wanted to drop in and say hello and thank you for your post on my 1 year on being gamble free. Hope your doing well, as you have been a big inspiration to me on my journey of being gamble free. I'm ready to tackle 2014, and remain committed to being gamble free.

Chicagoguy

Evening diary.

Thanks S.A. My ramblings tell a true story of what my life is through arresting my compulsion to gamble. My weekends used to be a charade of involving my family in gambling activity to justify my own dirty secret.

From the football to the lottery the weekend was just another futile chase of a dream that was one every day I erased and risked more of.

Because I had it and for twenty years rather than live it I gambled to lose it.

Today I know what I staked and am fully aware of the financial losses. Gambling can keep them, I owe it nothing and it owes me the same. It beat me fair and square.

I am massively fortunate that I got to hold onto the biggest thing I risked with each wager.

That I will never forget and will not be waging it again.

The love of my family.

My name is duncs I am a compulsive gambler no bet today

Stepping forward never back.

Hi Dunc,

I seem to have lost my willpower, I can see that you are doing great and the energy in your fight is giving me some sort of hope. I don't know how to beat it though? Before I did it! I actually stopped gambling...This time I just keep falling back. I stop and start. Today I lost around £700 and I'm not that unhappy, just feel stupid. I had money and wanted more, the worst part is I have left my partner out of pocket yet again. I have banned myself from my local which is a good step. If you could tell me how to stop again I'd be grateful.

Thanks.

Afternoon diary

Good to see mr Chicago about the forum, even better t oread he is still gamble free.

So I opened my thread this morning before starting my day and had to supress a huge sense of anger from deep within. Let it goes post was like ripping open my own gambling life and spilling it all over the floor. I was not angry at recieving the post, call for help, I was angry that I could see in black and white again how destructive this addiction is, it makes us deluded, it makes us warp the truth and fashion things into a way were we can take comfort in our situation.

I used to think all through my gambling life that when I was caught out for another bout of losses that I could serve a period without gambling only to then reward myself by gambling again in the future, through those remorsefull acts, the endless sorries to Sarah and the kids for my f*****g up again I would all the time just be formulating the next bet.

The one to prove to them that I was sucessfull, that me Duncs was a WINNER!!!

I never asked for help, not once, until the day I first came to this forum I had not sought any help to address my addiction, I foolishly thought the only way to win was through more gambling.

That mantra. I cannot win because I cannot stop lived with me for twenty years.

Does it really take a person to have to see they are going to lose everything before they want to stop the madness, I know it did for me, I know I can only control my own addiction, all the great advice, help support out there is only any good if you want to take it.

81 days since my last bet, it should be a two year gamble free celabration in three days for me but the truth is I gambled my recovery away 81 days ago, I let myself down and in my opinion went back to day one, yes I recognise I have been on a journey for nearly two years but the truth is I am 81 days gamble free, the gamble free time before that does not mean anything in terms of achievement because the end result was I had a punt, there will be no celebration, I will not acknowledge the date, the 31/10/2014 will be the next day I myself will reach my next goal, to get back in the 3% club, an achievement I wont be relinquishing for a second time.

So in answer to your question Let it go, regards telling you how to stop again??

The answer is for me that YOU and only you can want to stop the addiction, arrest your compulsion, it can be done, one day at a time, pin your ears back, take the advice and help that is out there.

most of all never stop recovering, the day you stop is the day you gift your own recovery back to addiction.

81 days ago I did that, something that today I thank you for bringing to the forefront of my mind, something again today I see in black and white why for me it is totally unacceptable for me to wage a single penny in any form on a punt.

I did win because I did stop

My name is duncan mcquilken I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back.

Thanks for posting, and 81 days is brilliant! If I get as far away from gambling as you, I will not turn back.

I just want the days to pass gamble free.

Hi Duncan

Firstly massive well done for your 112 days gamble free.

Secondly sorry for my poor use of words previously on my diary, as i said to Carla, it was more aturn of phrase than a statement of intent ! anyhow today is day 3, been in a bad place but starting to feel better already.

Sometimes i feel this forum can make your life become a paradox but mainly the benefits out weigh the negatives. Thanks for all your supprt, it's what keeps me coming back and trying to beat this sickness.

Day 3, mainly stepping backwards but trying to step forwards like you.

Dark Place /