Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Morning Diary

Gazza always good to see you adding the days fella, for it be proud.

So the rain has abaited for the morning!! the fields are flooded, the local football won't be seeing any action again this week I guess and my hounds are like a couple of wound up springs!! well Mr Blue has a cut pad we are nursing back to good health, another trip to the vets this afternoon, still he is worth every penny we spend on his health, especially for the fact that the bas##tard who had him before us did such a sh#it job!! I still would like a few minutes in a room with them!!!

But whippets want to run!! if they dont they get all bound up in their thoughts of a run, well if you have seen a whippet run, they actually Fly!! it is without doubt the most gracefull thing I have ever seen, not running for money, when they are just running for the love of running and boy can they run!!

I liken this to my addiction, it want's to play!! it wants me to unleash it, let it reap havoc in my life, let it run riot!!

Well that won't be happening anytime soon, but I have experienced my addiction trying to take a new route into my brain, it was whispering in my ear that "you are not compulsive in all areas, that I am cutting my nose off to spite my own face, that I should enjoy a punt on sports, enjoy the fact that I know too much about football, that with my two boys influence and knowledge we will have it off!!

Not to mention the darts!! it said, you live for the premier league, look at those odds, you could see all the results before they happened, you knew taylor would get battered by MR.V.G".

Well I let him state his case, gave him a fair hearing, plead his case.

Then the judge, judge Duncs, a man in his own mind passed sentence, a majority verdict.

NO bet today mr addiction.

WHY?? he cried, you fool you will regret it every time you watch sport, it will never be the same!!

Well actually monsieur addiction you are right, the darts last night was a sight to behold, no twitching at the the leg scores,or results,just twitching when barney through the 8th dart for the 9 darter, the same when Mr M.V.G did the same in the latter match, I watch football with a new vigour, the outcome is and will not be the most important thing, there is a bigger picture, that picture is there are no odds that will tempt me to place a bet.

Why??

Because I know that to enjoy sport I cannot wage a bet, because it overtakes everything else in my life, my wife, kids the hounds would all come second best, not because I dont love them, because the facts are simple, it can't just be a punt on the outcome of a sporting fixture, that just sets off the domino, the effects are they all will come falling down.

Fact is today I enjoy sport because I don't have a punt on the outcome, I actually really enjoy watching sport for the entertainment of it, I am so fortunate that so does Sarah and the kids, we cheered when the the big green machine won 7 zip last night because he warranted it, it did not warrant me spoiling that for the possibility of winning a few quid.

There is for me a fully fledged, paid up member of the compulsive gamblers club, a bigger picture, that picture can be added to each day by Abstinence or I can wipe bits out through listening to the voice that occupies a piece of my brain, because for me it is and will never be harmless.

So today I made a choice, today once again I made a decision to

Abstain and maintain.

My name is duncan I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back.

Great post Duncs.

What you say about enjoying sport is so true. You can watch it at ease and enjoy the event. Enjoy the last minute goals. That gives me a constant reminder why I choose not to gamble.

All the best

Brad

hey duncs,

mostly im posting music tonight..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgcovIu3k9o

this was played at my dads funeral... But it reminded me of you when i was trying to think of apt music for my gamcare friends.

take care

x

Afternoon diary

Well I am a centurian again today, 100 days since I gifted my continued recovery back to addiction, no banners,flags just a quiet nod to myself this morning.

I know how painfull that last bet was it sits on the mantle piece in the middle of my mind, that last visit to the bookies, where I spent three hours going through the same heartbreaking motions of doing all the money available to me in a futile attempt to win a small amount to solve a very short term financial problem.

I enjoy having the memory, it does haunt me, it does hurt me, but above all it serves a great purpose, it stands in my way of doing it again, a great reminder that when addiction comes knocking the door, I just point it the direction of said mantle piece.

Next to that memory is a picture of My beautiful wife and our three children, that counters the sh#it because they are worth more than the outcome of any punt.

So I have popped to the library to research the installation of the internet at home, going to take another look at all the packages, cant believe they all want 60 notes to install and think folk don't look past the first 3 months!! were they offer it for a fraction of the actual cost, funny as today I read the small print and am safe in the knowledge that the library offers free internet six days a week, although today the monkies have been let out to play(local children) and concentrating is proving pretty hard!!

Mr blue had to have a minor operation on his leg yesterday, to tidy up the mess he made of it!! so the bank took a hit to the tune of 250+ notes, money as I said yesterday well spent, so no long walks and no running for a few days, not such a bad thing as more rain has fallen here.

All local football has been called off again.

Still off to enjoy more darts this afternoon, Sarah painted the conservatory last weekend, this morning our beloved board got put back up so Game on!!lol

It is in a case and youngest still manages to miss that too!!!

Thanks for all the kind words, good to see blondie about the forum.

A massive thankyou to DF, our friendship away from the forum another weapon in the armoury to keep making the right choice,

My name is Duncs I am a compulsive gambler NO bet today

Stepping forward never back.

Hi Duncs

A great reminder of the pain that awaits us if we would like to go again. I, for one, am finished with gambling albeit one day at a time. I am at a place in my life where I can look further forward without complacency. I am still aware of the dangers though so I don't run anymore through life I stroll and take in the scenery.

Take care your posts inspire me a great deal

Hey Duncs,

Another great and inspiring post.thank you for sharing.

No looking back, be proud and enjoy ur life and the company of ur lovely family.

You deserve all the best things in ur life.

Day at a time

Take care

Sandra x

Hi Duncs,

Nice to see you too can enjoy the Premier League Darts without an urge. I was on my feet watching Van Barneveld going for his nine darter. Looks like it could be a good year too, though not sure how the power is going to respond. I'm sure it isn't going to be to lie down and roll over anyhow.

Hope Mr Blue is alright after his op, and I also hope you've put a foam ring or some cardboard around the dartboard. I remember our student house had a circle of dart marks in the wallpaper for about three or four inches all around where the board was, and the big white circle in the middle was funny, until we had to replace the wallpaper when we left!

All the best mate,

Ryan

Evening diary

so the rain is still falling, the wind is howling again. It is having a terrible affect on the country now, it made me think long and hard today about how we can affect others with our own behaviour. For me life today is about trying to do the right thing by others, i put the needs of them before my own. It is far more satisfying than any session infront of the fobt. So today it was good to hear from a couple of fellow gamcarers away from the site that life treats them well. Good for the soul. Not sure what happened to the forum yesterday, i hope the damage to folk was minimal. mr blues foot has healed up nicely, i finished my library book with my spare time yesterday, mr rankin is an outstanding writer. The demon that is my addiction has gone back to hide in the shadows, lurking until he finds the next weakness to have a pop at, to see if he can entice me back in. I find my moods blacken after doing battle in my mind, mentally i am exhausted, but i know it will pass, much quicker without the damage a session would bring, that i know for sure. Today i cannot wage a single penny on a bet of any form, f**k the result wont change whilst at it. I cannot win because i cannot stop. Well my friend i did win because i did stop. Put that in your pipe!

My name is duncan i am a compulsive gambler no bet today. Stepping forward never back.

Afternoon diary.

Well the weather has played havoc on the country, it seems like it is a relentless beating from a power beyond our control.

It has affected travel by train around us and there is more to come tomorrow.

Events like this put my life into a great perspective. It compels me to make the best of my own little piece in the jigsaw. To continue to make the right choices about

the waves I create, those waves are not created if I don't gamble

For me the misconception that our lives are fixed through abstinence is some what wide of the mark. The

sh**it is still there, but without wasting my valuable time I do get to address my life warts and all. Without gambling I don't add to my woes, there is no happy gambling on offer, there is no escape through gambling.

If I choose to feed my addiction the result is and will be the same.

The shi**t will be there, and more importantly I will miss out on the good too.

For me gambling is black and white a lose- lose situation.

So I continue to face it, live within the eye of my own storm.

But unlike the weather today I am the one in control.

So darts tonight, let's hope the nine darters that featured in the qualifying events over the weekend continue on to the screen I will share tonight with my family.

Another gift I gave myself.

Through making a choice.

My name is duncs I am a compulsive gambler

No bet today

Stepping forward never back.

Hi Duncs,

High five! And, I really hope you all get a reprieve from all of that rain soon. We're in for another foot of snow over here, but if the power lines don't go down it will be a right cozy night. -joanxxx

That's a good way of putting it Dunc about the S**t still being there despite abstinence from gambling, like that.

Yo,

Second that high five !

Indeed my friend indeed .

The way to make life 1000000 trillion times worste is let our addiction convince us that we need break from what ever nature , our lives are throwing at us .

But how very wrong it's promise of respite , what happens a bigger deeper hole is dug .

With that said in agreement , enjoy the darts !

Shiny xxxxxx

Hi Dunc's,

Like you say, another day of rain and wind and crashing waves. My sister lives in Portsmouth she takes her young lad down to watch the waves (at a safe distance of course!).

I guess the weather has an impact on all of us. I think its certainly had an impact on my state of mind. Cycling in wind and rain and cold, ain't much fun. But like you say to gamble puts one's mind state in a much worse place. No gambling for me today.

Thanks for your support mate.. S.A 🙂

Alright duncs,

Hope things aren't too bad down where you are, in Swansea we seem to have avoided the worst of it, but I know my parents up the coast lost power on Wednesday, and have taken in an 87-year-old houseguest from the next village where they have no power for four to five days.

As I work nights, I'm watching the opening stanza of Newton v Van Barneveld from last night as I type, no spoilers!

All the best mate, keep making that decision not to return to the lose-lose situation.

Ryan

Morning Diary

Well the sun is out!! still blowing a hooligan but dry, the wind was truly horrendous into the early hours but after walking the hounds this morning it seems the only casualties were folks fencing and one tree was completly uprooted and was blocking a road.

So FA cup this weekend looking forward to tonights game, if the war of words translates into as good a game on the pitch we should be in for a treat!!

We just booked broadband installation for home, it will mean no more library visits for me lol and got a really good deal, no installation fees and a third off for the fist 3 months, we agreed that we will split the bill 5 ways, so for a few quid a month each we the Mac's will again join the 21st century lol

Right off to see if the supermarket has some bargins!!

No bet today, why would I ??

Duncs stepping forward never back.