Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

evening diary

thanks for popping by Bob, I remember those days very well, a little to young to have ever been involved in any action but as I went to every home game from 1979 through to 1987 I witnessed more activity off the pitch than sometimes what happened on it!!!!!

I do believe it was where the men went to vent there anger on a saturday afternoon, not like that today, today it is all corporate hospitality and prawn sandwiches lol, still our youngest loves it, I actually like the fact we are back in the lower divisions, with honesty the club is again a fans club, the support is fantastic, 15000 plus every week in the lowest tier of english football is a sight to behold, when we were in the premier league the fanset changed dramatically as did the price, today our boy got a season ticket for £75.

some huge games coming up in the next few weeks, I too hope we survive!!!

If not we will follow them in the conference, it runs through the blood, my veins run blue lol.

So had a great day at work, a real laugh with the crew, we debated the ultimate sunday roast!!

For me it depends on the vegetables on offer, truth is I love all roasted meat, so I take the easy way out!!! lol. then of course the yorkshire pudding debate ensued, why folk find the need to serve it with every roast is beyond me, it in my life only has a place next to the roasted beef joint!! nothing else, in this I was very alone lol, the rest think I am odd!!!

So I came home to a delicious cottage pie and managed to take the hounds out for a stroll and they spent the best part of an hour chasing rabbits, a sight to behold, the rabbits know exactly when to turn left into the nearest bush!!! leaving the hounds chasing shadows!!!

Now I am sat in the front room bag of wine gums in waiting, readying myself for the el'classico!!

Our joe is fashioning his Barca shirt and youngest is goading him about how good ronaldo is.

Me I just love the fact that I am one of the viewers of the most watched football game in the world, because I grafted hard, did not waste a single penny on a punt in any form and my life is without doubt better for it.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

evening diary

I am just enjoying a read through some diaries, the bears diary raised a huge smile, he wrote of an evening out with some true friends.

Wound me right back to my gambling days, days when I truly let my addiction tell me gambling was my best friend, that I did not need anyone else to forefill my hearts desire, it was all, everything in life going to be found through a punt, yes addiction promised, Happiness,satisfaction,enjoyment,wealth and the envy of everyone around me.

In truth it stole the time I gave it, it cheated on me,lied, made false hope and promises and distorted my outlook on life beyond comprehension.

Yet for twenty years I followed it like a lost sheep,throwing my best efforts only to be left wanting, Win or lose the outcome was the same, the last punt was never enough, so I went at it in blind hope in some deluded belief that one day it would gift me that forfilment it promised.

Today I look at for what it is, a waste of time,money and the gifter of nothing more than false hope. That arrogance is still there, only today gambling wears it, I am no longer arrogent or ignorant to the fact that the truth is gambling will take, take and then take some more until it has exhausted all you have to give, then draw back into the shadows waiting for new funding then back it will creep, goading me into thinking that it is out there the Win.

So today the bear made me smile because I hope for him like me that wolf in sheeps clothing has goaded him for the last time, that his true friends, the ones who want him in there lives not for purely their own gain, but ones who just want like him to embrace life and share the joy of living warts and all.

It reminded me of a great proverb.

Keep your friends close but your enemies closer.

Gambling I have you just where I want you, in my sights but no longer the one who makes my own view a very distorted one.

Today I grafted hard, rewarding,envigourating and made possible by living through a choice,

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler No bet today, stepping forward never back.

Hi Duncan

I agree with keeping gambling where you can see it wholeheartedly. I don't like it when it is out of sight. I no longer obsess over it but I know it is there. I don't want bookies to be shut down and outlawed as it is my responsibility to watch out for myself. I, too, took the bait and got bitten! No more for me thank you very much

Take care

Hi duncs,

When i was gambling a true friend was someone who would lend me money I've grown up a lot in 2 months and have realised how money dominated everything and how selfish I was with everything, gambling stole my heart my time my life my dignity like you I now see it, it's what makes me stronger now,hope your well mate.

The bear

I am smiling too regarding your interpretation of friendship and the bears !

It is a fact that the 2 most misued words in the entire english vocabulary are love and friendship. A true friend would die for you, so when you start to count them on one hand you do not need any fingers...

I agree with the Bear about dignity, gambling takes you to places you never ever imagined you would go, we are better people without it, we just need to turn and look at the poeple who love us. Dark Place

evening diary

good to see bear and dp growing stronger by the day, you have both suffered equally in the arms of the punt.

Dp, fella I guess you missed the part about true friends being equal, you would surely die for each other?? for me this is the greatest thing recovery has taught me, that life does not revolve around my own personal wants, it actually is about finding a level playing field, one where my needs are not more important than anyone elses, because for me this has bred not only a greater self respect but a greater respect for other folk too.

Funny as for me the most over used word in the english language is

'I BET'

all through my adult life until recovery the sheer amount of sentences that started with those words 'I BET' astounds me, it really was my life, one big punt.

So today I have grafted hard, my body hurts, lol maybe I am getting too old, still my mind is alert, happy and is not full of the unwanted distractions gambling brought it, today I can focus on earning,using my skills to there best advantage rather than letting them rot infront of a machine that will take all I feed it.

So more football on the tv tonight, I shall listen to Pompey on the radio and watch the manchester derby on the box,multi tasking our Rach would have laughed at that!!!!

The outcome of the derby game will have no effect upon my life, I hope it lives up to the game I witnessed on Sunday, a rare treat to see the best players in the world throw all caution to the wind and hit seven goals between them, so I hope for much of the same tonight.

Lasagne on the go in the mean time, delicious and I treated myself to a bag of revels for pudding lol.

So all in all another great day, why?? because I set out with the right mindset, one born out of my decision yesterday, to better my today.

A routine I love, yes dark place I love recovery lol

My name is Duncs I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back.

My friend, i love your sharp wit and humour ! ooops i did it again , Dark Place

evening diary

Thanks for popping by DP, good to see you continuing your run of abstinence,

Well I had a lovely walk with my hounds this evening, after returning from another hard days graft we had a delicious stir fry and I set off over the hi##lls with my own thoughts and watched my beloved hounds chase the rabbits into the dusk, truly refreshing and delivered all the 'buzz' a fella could want, a true moment of serenity, well as long as you were not a rabbit lol. truth is the boys never get close, they tare off in hot pursuit, no braking system, no real sense of purpose they just seem happy to show off their phenominal speed, straight line speed!!! lol

then home, showered and some valuable Gamcare time, a good read around the forum, my resolve topped up to continue making the right choice.

Tonight I pay homage to a very special member of the forum, a valued contributor, a living proof that you really never should give up giving up.

Tonight TOMSO I salute you my friend

Ton up, for it I know the effort you have made, keep making the right choice

Keep inspiring

For me the bed calling, early start tomorrow reddies to be earnt, through honest hard graft, nothing more satisfying

My name is Duncs I am a compulsive gambler No bet today stepping forward never back

And Darts tomorrow night!! that will make the day pass with pleasure,more pleasure than my beloved Pompey gifted me last night!!!

Hi Duncan,

Good to hear the dogs are well...my lab used to be the same, he was fast, but just not clever enough to catch just about anything that wanted to get away. He was however smart enough to give up chasing squirrels after only two years of headbutting trees!

I must admit I envy your ability to have dogs, one of these days I'll find a job beyond shift work that would be unfair on the dog and get myself a dog. Hope you enjoy the darts tomorrow, I'll be in the office being overworked and underpaid! 😉

All the best mate,

Ryan

DMac,

Thanks for an amazing post last night it pleased me a great deal. I am delighted to be on this journey with you and all the amazing people on this forum who make a choice each day that gambling will not defeat them. Gambling will not defeat me because I am determined to continue living this new and happy life.

Tomso.

Hi Dunc's,

I liked what you said in my diary that if nothing else is happening its enough simply not to have gambled and hence its still a good day...and as ive heard many times in Ga rooms..

A good day is when everything goes well and you don't gamble. However a brilliant day is when every thing goes to s**t and you still don't gamble!

Good to read your positivity as always. Glad those hounds are keeping you on your toes. Regards... S.A 🙂

Evening Diary

thanks for popping by SA, always good to hear from you fella, we share a common goal, not to waste a single penny on any form of gambling.

So last night I got home from work exhausted, ate supper tuned into the darts and boom, Sleep. woke up with a sore neck in the small hours lol, thank goodness for sky plus!!

got to work early, looks like that will be the routine for the next three months solid,work every day, still you won't catch me complaining, I will tailor my life to maximise my earning potential, eat well, sleep when I can and keep myself mentally strong, use the comfort and love of my family and the forum to build my ever growing resolve to make the right choice.That choice today is not to entertain a punt in any form,because for me it will without doubt lead to another punt and the mind f**k that comes with it, better to earn it while the opportunity presents itself and enjoy the benefits as and when the time is right, money in the bank the ongoing goal.

This is for me possible all the time I make the right choice.

Safe in the knowledge that gambling is a complete waste of time

My decision educated and measured

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler No bet today, stepping forward never back.

Great post duncs agree with head down earn money and don't bet just life focus have good weekend mate.

The bear

Duncs in 4 days it's a huge pay day for me around 10k pounds. Let me tell you i have gambled all or most of that wage in a a few days it was just routine for me. This time tho i'm banking ALL of it because i have put my defenses up now. I have instantly got a direct debit to send that money to my wifes account within a day or arrival. I want to bank money now and in a few months i want to look back and see the growth just like you posted about bank the money. Nice post Duncs i will come read your post again the moment the money hits the account.

CainoRoyaLoser.

evening diary

Thanks for the kind words on my thread gentlemen, it does build my resolve to think my ramblings help others to relate to how gambling shaped so much of my life with such destructive effects, recovery really does do the polar opposite, it gifts my belief that doing the right thing by myself does actually produce results that have nothing but a positive effect on not just my own life but the other folk in it too.

Saturday's were always a day of nothing other than gambling at the forefront of my mind, whether at work or at home I would be physically present by mentally just wrapped up in my gambling world, football, horse racing dominated my mind, sadly any wins would instead of finding there way home would just be fed into the Fobt, the fobt the poison which fed my gambling itch, that in turn produced a very narrow minded outlook towards life, f**k the maximum payout £500,in today's terms that can be earnt in a less than a week of graft, the price of that is just that, hard graft.

The stakes were eventually so far out tune with my earnings, they got raised to the maximum possible to feed my addictions insatiable appetite for instant results, those results we all know where just self destruct, no love,buzz,entertainment value just a relentless cycle of destruction, that downward spiral self loathing, a bitterness towards life, because my 'bad' luck was down everyone else's good fortune!!

Truth is all the luck I ever needed was just falsely placed into the hands of my compulsion, my compulsive nature meant that I would even with a win just relentlessly plod on raising the stakes until the win another distant, coulda,woulda shoulda. To go from winning to losing all happened in the blink of an eye, then the chase would ensue, for me it was always to try and level, just win my wedge back. So I would wage ever growing ridiculous bets to try and repair the self made damage, all because my flaw the innability to stop, there was never a time I considered my tomorrow, I just went at it for the fact it was available.

I do ponder often if I am in fact in history the worst gambler ever!!

but with honesty I witnessed the self same madness all to often through the person sat next to me, the covering the machine, the pacing, turning your back to the machine, maybe to think it could not taunt you that way, those behaviours the true madness I lived on a repeat cycle every time I found myself infront of any form of electronic gambling machine, the prize on offer in truth an insult to any common sense I possessed.

But in a nutshell the money is just the fuel to feed the compulsion,if I had it available it would be fed into a machine, that selfish act,the zoning out into a world beyond, that is all until the walk of shame, the head burried,heart thumping, head banging, suicidal thoughts at the fore of the mind, trying desparately not to catch the eye's of the other punters, there sorrow just bred anger,f**k they were part of the problem, why could they not share there luck!!!!

That feeling of loss festered, it compelled me too many times to return all to quickly, refunded and ready to show the world how successful a gambler I was!!

I would show them all, I knew they laughed at my own stupidity, f**k I justified my own gambling as acceptable because my losses were not as bad as others!!! I laughed every time I witnessed others do the walk of shame, it felt bitter sweet to see others lose.

But for me gambling was a truly lonely act, it isolated me from the world, each episode distancing me further from the real world, in twenty years spending roughly a full working weeks time in a bookies most weeks I never made a single friend from my experience, except the one I believed all the time I gambled was my best friend, either that betting slip or the fobt.

Today I see them for the imposter's they are,today I fully understand what gambling doe's for me, f**k all.

There is no glamour to write about in my gambling life, just in truth an every growing self induced misery.

The day I found recovery my mind did start to see what gambling had done for me, it could see through the false potential of promised wins because whatever the size of any win the outcome would be the same.

Another punt.

My gambling life did forefill the mantra

I cannot win because I cannot stop.

that joke is written for me.

How do you make a compulsive gambler a millionaire????

start him a billionaire!!

gambling beat me up, took all I financially could offer, mentally the damage whilst at it was constant.

In recovery the building is to constant.

I did win because I did stop.

each day the value of abstinence doe's become more worthwhile

That is truly what is on offer

Abstain and maintain.

So fast forward into recovery and Saturday takes on a new meaning, I grafted hard, money in the bank and got to feel happy with sports results, my beloved Pompey picked up a much needed win, maybe we should do a manager a week lol!!!

Barca won, that made my eldest smile because it all counts but not too much.

All again made possible by making an educated choice

Gambling is a complete waste of time.

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back