Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Morning Diary

folks I have to share the goings on of my morning walk with my beloved hounds.

At 6 this morning I took them up the hi##ll for a good stroll,so off they went in pursuit of the elusive rabbit,suddenly Mr blue was off in hot pursuit,chasing a large rabbit up toward the brush,the rabbit changed course as they do and found himself in the face of the oncoming Hovis. So what did it do??

It ran straight at him,I thought oh f**k here goes the carnage I in truth hoped would never happen !!

So what happened???

Hovis RAN away,turned and ran from the rabbit!!!

the rabbit gave chase,ran straight past into the bushes.

Mr blue looked miffed and me I howled with laughter!! folk below must have thought there was a mad man above lol.

for the walk home hovis walked by my side,the fearsome whippet who is scared of the Rabbit!!! his arch nemesis!!!

I will dine out on this for weeks!!!

What a great way to start another day,off to work now,I know who has the teabreak tale today lol.

My name is Duncs I am a compulsive gambler

No bet today

Stepping forward never back.

Congratulations on completing 200 days without a bet, Duncan.

Sounds like your hounds met the rabbit from Monty Python and the Holy Grail!

Morning diary

pellekanin thanks for taking the time to pop by my thread,I am a huge python fan so you post brought further mirth to yesterdays proceedings lol.

Any time the python is mentioned MR Creasote comes to mind 'Your usual order Sir??'

So today is 23 days to the kick off of the world cup,something I look forward to greatly,my first world cup of football in my life that gambling will not play any part in.

I simply cannot wait,no need to spend my time formulating,head bashing,mind f*****g myself over what will or will not happen, I will just get to watch most of the greatest footballers in the world ply their trade.

The outcome won't effect my life,the only thing that will effect my life is the scheduling of the games lol,without doubt I will be watching as many as possible,looking at the fixtures there could be a lot of late nights on the horizon.

It feels great to be able to look forward to sporting events without gambling hanging a cloud over the top of them.

Off to work shortly another long day in the offing,been out with the hounds,chose the football pitches this morning,did not want to embarrass the little fella again lol,just tennis balls to chase this morning,thankfully they don't chase back!!

Today I made a choice,one which will better my tomorrow

Not a single penny will be waged upon the random outcome of the futile act that would be gambling,because I know the outcome would be suffering and misery.

Today I choose LIFE

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler No bet today Stepping forward never back.

evening diary

well it's not often I write on my thread in the context of a moan but tonight I am all in

The fella at work,mr glass half empty excelled himself today

He was off on one from the get go

He starts every sentence with 'some people' or 'other people' why not if you have a beef say it,put it out there,at the very least those folk will know they are pi##ssing you off

Everything in this fella's life is downbeat,it is like the world owes him a living

HELLO

Wake up,life is truly what you make it.

I don't give a f**k what it is that makes you tick,that's your choice.

If you think the way I live life,embrace it is wrong then have the courage to speak up about it.

don't start every sentence with that 'well some people' f**k we don't judge your choice,it's your to live with, let us live by ours.

The bottom line is nobody responds,what's the point,whatever you say this fella wants you to see it his way or f**k off.

Well me I took a stance,I gifted the opportunity for the fella to take the stage,to gift us with his knowledge,to actually speak his mind,speak up about the folk who upset his karma,to name 'some people'

My Gamcare friend and fellow seeker of a better life the honourable Smiler once told me that knowledge and strength sometimes comes from the place you least expect it,f**k it has proved true here on occasion for me,so what did the fella produce??

His pearl of wisdom was to state that we all treat life as one big party,that we all find happiness in what actually everyone has,we are nothing special but act like we are!!

The quietest fella in the group,the one who would not say Bo to a goose gifted a response that only in my dreams I could gift life.

He said

'I always thought the grass was greener on the other side of the fence,I always thought I wanted the other folks grass,other folks happiness made me bitter,I failed to accept my life was mine to live and control,the fact is for me what I craved was a patch of grass to share,a common ground,I today do get to share that patch of grass with all these fella's,for you that might not be your choice,you might want to sit in that high horse,throwing stones threw that glass house you live in,truth is mate we cant do anything about it,only you can.

This comes from a man who just goes about life in a fashion that I admire,he does not have an addiction to blame,he does not seem to have any skeletons in his closet,but he forgives my own shortcomings,he does not judge me on my past,he measures me for who I am today

For that I am inspired,for that I am thankful

Thankful for the fact that today I wont let the random outcome of a bet,in truth for twenty years I followed that ridiculous waste of time on the whim that the outcome may be different this time,this on reflection yes was the one thing that stopped me living.

The fella who today got under not only my skin but that of other folk too,folk who are not trying to make the best of life,rather than bemoaning 'other peoples' good fortune 'those folks happiness'

maybe he should try to find his own!!!

For me the relentless pursuit of happiness starts and ends by me making a choice

That choice today easily made by this fella's constant outbursts of nothing short of 'bile'

Again I flushed it from my life.

Another gift i took from this amazing forum

Sorry to write such a downbeat post,but in truth today again grew my resolve

I will not waste a single penny on any form of gambling,if for no other reason than the fact this fella again gifted me a view of the person I least want to be.

For it I thank you Mike

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler

My glass topped over half full again

Because I want it

No bet toady made it possible

It gifted LIFE

Stepping forward never back

Hi there

you helped me last week without even knowing it.

Boy was I struggling with major emotional and physical stress in the build up to the wedding and was in an area close to an old haunt. Thought of asking you for help as knew I couldn't manage it alone then realised it was right on lunch time which I reckoned was probably your busiest time. So no phone call but an imaginary conversation where you reassured me I could get past this and reminding me of what I could lose relationship wise over the coming weekend celebrations if I gambled and they found out.

Job done and we sure celebrated at the weekend.

Thank you.

xxx

Hi Duncs,

I get it. And, yes, I too believe that everybody needs to find whatever or who ever brings them joy in this world and embrace it/them with all that they are made of. Life is hard enough for sure, but there is so much to be thankful for. This is a repeat statement but, Duncs I love hearing about your life without gambling in it. As for the Mikes in this world. Sigh.. I meet up with at least one every time a teach a class. Sometimes I think it is a form of Autism.. Mr. Spock from the Star Trek series comes to mind. Folks unable to embrace "the dance". Too awkward for them maybe? Folks who find concepts like joy or happiness "illogical" some how. I think we are lucky to have found true love Duncs. I pity folks like Mike. It must be very cold on their little planets. Hugs to you, your Sarah, your kids and those hounds. Continue letting the sunshine in. -joanxxx

Evening Duncan,

Does your friend intend to vote UKIP tomorrow by any chance, he sounds like the type!

Your happiness is an inspiration, and anyone that doesn't embrace that is a ******* ***** with a ******* cabbage for a **** ******* head. And he is also a moron.

Apart from playing around with the asterisk button, it was your post about the world cup that really caught my eye...now that the football season's gone, the World Cup is the next big event, and I will be bleary eyed at work throughout the tournament I'm sure.

I will be entering a sweep at work with a fiver of my own money, but for me I don't put it under my gambling column. Am I simply justifying it to myself by saying I do it for the banter and for an excuse to take the P*** out of the boys at work? I don't know.

Anyhow, I hope it's downhill to the weekend and hope the whippets and the family keep you on your uphill trajectory.

Ryan

morning diary

Thanks for the kind words folks, I guess we all have a 'Mike' or two in our lives it is how we deal with them, for me today it is the polar opposite of the way I would have dealt with it before. During my gambling life I would have either become aggressive or simply agreed with the man. Option one was the easy way out,always was,the threat of violence,to get in your grill if you like,funny it has been long accepted that kitchens are volitile places so I used it to my advantage,secondly I went along with things I did not agree with for the easy option,so I actually did not have to forge my own opinion.

I was all through my gambling life a man who lived in a glass house that through stones through the window, In recovery I have learnt to use my ears,to listen,forge my own opinion and have the courage to voice them.

The 'mike' in my world yesterday was quiet,withdrawn,sullen in his attitude,without voicing it,I know this won't last and accept that he will spout off some more nonsense in the future,but I live safe in the knowledge that the rest of the team simply accept him as part of their lives and move on.

Today feels for me like I am evolving,constantly growing into something that I actually like,through shedding the skins of my past life,through living in the present and looking forward to the future.

Gambling,the pipe dream chasing on the random outcome of an event I had no control over really did hold me in the past,in a fashion that was in truth just a constant cycle of destruction topped off with misery,self loathing and a woe is me attitude.

Funny because through that life I said YES to many things I simply should not have.

In recovery I find it hard to say NO to anything,but the outcomes are again worlds apart.

Ryan as for your sweep stake fella that is choice for you and only you.

For me the group of fella's at work decided to do a draw,in view of my own gambling they have not collected money,instead we all picked a team to which it has become our 'second' team in the tournament.

So I will be cheering on Hondurous,in my team shirt I have ordered!!!!lol

Yes the rest of the team will do their coupons,forecasting because to a man not one of them is a compulsive gambler, for the fact they accept my own addiction and respect my honesty for me does nothing but help in my relentless pursuit of a better life,that life in recovery.

A choice for me that I simply cannot wage a single penny in any form of gambling because I understand fully for me what the outcome would be.

For you ryan I accept this is different.

I respect your honesty too.

For me being honest with folk has been a huge part of my own journey,it has brought the dirty little secret that fooled me into hiding it out into the open,that for me was my addictions strongest point,the fact today that there is nothing to hide,there is no shame in my admitting my own shortcomings,the only shame would come if I accepted gambling in my own life.

Yes today I can say that it is a 'wonderful' life

For that I am very proud.

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler No bet today.

stepping forward never back.

Morning Diary

well had another long day at work yesterday,came home at 11 last night to sit and watch the premier league darts finals,what a watch!! I love the sport of darts,great entertainment.

been up for a few hours today,took the hounds to the football fields at first light just me and them for an hour,watching them run free,chasing balls,each other and the shadows really does gift my soul.

The fact that we have them in truth only as a result of my recovery and the fact that they are rescued has parrallels in my mind,they in there previous life had no life,hovis lived in a garage,a whippet who was bred for mans entertainment,just to race when put in a box,mr blue a g*****s dog,used for coursing rabbits,tied up outside a caravan for his life,fed only when he scavenged food.

When we got them they were sad looking,cried away when you went to touch them,afraid and shy and both underfed.

Today they are two best friends,I lay on our bed typing and they lay well fed,content on the bed curled up in a whippet ball.

today they have a life,yes a life that many folk take for granted,folk expect the basic needs of all man and beast to be met but that is just the glossed over version.

Before they survived,each day must have been about getting to the end of it.

Today they know love,they have what they want and return that love in shovels.

My life through my compulsion to gamble was just like this,an existence,no purpose,no outcome to look forward to,just the repeated cycle of self destruction of chasing the punt,the outcome the same, SH##IT and more SH##IT piled on top of that.

Gambling delivered nowt,I gave it my all,just like I know Hovis and Mr Blue would have to their owner,for little or no gain.

I used to accept this as life

What a f*****g idiot

Because there is a life outside that of gambling,a life to embrace,live and enjoy

Me today I am all in

I rarely say No it is refreshing,I try new things and have through abstinence re-visited old things,things that gambling stole the enjoyment from

If gambling gifts you the buzz you look for in life,good luck to you,for me there is so much more behind the door addiction kept me the other side of.

If you need to see not only what abstinence gifts you the addict but the innocent victims of addiction

Then read Shellyb's new thread

It is humbling and sobering in equal measure

Today I will not risk what recovery gifted me on lets face it the random outcome of something I hold no control over.

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back

Thank you Duncan for your continued support

Great reading about your pooches 🙂

Late last year I rescued 2 cats. The mother had been thrown out by previous owners due to her pregnancy. He kittens were born wild but she hunted and kept them well fed and clean.

They were taken in by cat protection league where I found them. The foster home they were in isn't what you'd call clean or homely but she never lost her dignity throughout her ordeal.

I adopted the mum and one of her kittens. I bought them home and gave them toys, food, affection and a comfy bed to sleep on.

The kitten has taken nearly 7 months to lose his feral ways but perseverance has paid off. Both cats shower us in affection love their food and our laps ( their favorite place is on the keyboard as I'm trying to type)

We gave them a home we gave them love comfort and warmth.

In return my boys have 2 new best friends 🙂

I'm more of a dog person and as much as I'd love one lifestyle dictates.

Shelly

Morning diary

Thanks for popping by Shelly as I wrote yesterday your diary has a presence for me wholly deserving of a place here,the all to often forgotten victims of the selfish act that is the compulsion to gamble,the families,friends,bosses and everyone else we the gambler took life from through our own actions,those selfish,self centered days chasing pipe dreams,funding them in ways that make me shudder to think of.

You are for me the one's who deserve the plaudits,praise and rewards of the gift of recovery,whether that comes in tandem with the addict or on a new path is for me not again a choice you make,again that is down to the choice the addict makes themselves,the addict has to really want to recover,really want to stop pitching the outcome of their existence on the random outcome of an event they simply don't control or have little or no self control over the result to boot.

For me your presence just makes my passion for recovery grow,it sobers my thoughts,it gifts my resolve in a fashion I am humbled by and simply cannot repay.

That is for me the familiar picture in recovery,the addict gets all the praise and the victims just expected to carry on regardless,gambling is accepted,slips,episodes are expected to be met with sympathy.

well I know all to well that every camel will have a straw too many,the one that will break it,f**k I tested my own wifes to the outer limit.

Today I know she gifts a love unconditionally to life,to recovery

For this I am proud to say I made the right choice,I have the desire and unrelenting passion for wanting the same

Recovery-life-love all these things gift happiness

And yes to put a line under it,it starts each day by me looking at myself and liking what stares back.

My beautiful wife turns 39 yrs old tomorrow,celebrations will be had,she is fully aware she has to wait a fortnight for the gift I wish to give her,which will nicely tie in with our wedding anniversary.

The reason why simple,I have to wait until then to fund it,no short cuts taken,no gambling quick fix to be sought

patience

Another gift of recovery

All good things come to those who wait.

My name is Duncs i am a compulsive gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back

off to graft hard shortly,the answer to gifting life what I desire,to be able to share my dreams with my beautiful wife and family.

Morning diary

Well I am up with the sun this morning,off to work shortly,to graft hard and finish as soon as possible to get home to spend the rest of the day with my beloved wife,best friend and soul mate,my Sarah,she turned 39 years young today lol. She gifts my life in so many ways,always puts others needs first,kind,caring,passionate and the forgiveness she has given me is truly humbling,a rare gift that for too many years I all to readily cashed in for the pursuit of the selfish act that is the compulsion to gamble.

For the best part of the twenty two years we have been together I ran into the arms of the temptress that is gambling,I sought refuge,wealth and foolishly believed that it enriched my life.

Truth is it sucked the life from me,with each false promise to seek a better way,with each walk of shame,each lie I produced all I got in return from my gambling was self destruction,misery and the false hope that one day I would 'enjoy' it again.

Today I reflect upon what recovery gifts,like my beautiful wife,it is all giving,it gifts a sense of well being,it gifts determination,it gifts humility,it gifts an ever growing passion for life.

So we will enjoy the rare treat of a delicious Indian for supper tonight,a glass or two and without doubt a room full of love.

I upon reading that am truly sobered at the fact I nearly threw it all away,in the main gambling on a 500 jackpot dreambreaker.

Upon the act that has an outcome I bare no control over living life through the random outcome that is the punt.

through Abstinence I do,in arresting gambling I really am in control.

For that I am ever thankful I found it

The result is LIFE

I have one and won't waste a precious minute.

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back

Off to walk the hounds before work.

My Sarah I love you more today than I did yesterday,but then not as much as tomorrow. xxx.

Hi Duncs

Your posts are always a pleasure to read. I'm learning a lot from your take on life, so many thanks for sharing it.

Thanks for leaving a great gardening tip on my diary. The plastic collars around the plants make a lot of sense. When I can afford some more plants I will give it a go. The tomatoes and beans are doing really well, so all is not lost.

Have a great time with Sarah. All the best

Hi Duncs

Just popped by to say "thanks" for your continued support. I'm happy to read that life's going well for you- primarily thanks to "no gambling".

Enjoy your day with Mrs Duncs!

Take care

Irene

Thanks -as always- for the timely comment you left on my diary.

Yes, I'll be around for a while. I never really left but I did stop posting and commenting. Not this time. I need to do it, even if it's a chore, to get on top of it and stay on top of it.

I see you're still generously giving of your time to support all-comers here, in your own non-judgmental way. Good for you, and certainly for all of us.

Be seeing you