Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Evening diary

thanks for popping by folks, gazza and tomso it is great to hear from you both, we all embarked upon this journey at about the same time and it is great to see we are all living with life today on our terms.

That for me today is what life consists of,yes I am a compulsive gambler but gladly I can put the word 'Recovering' in front of it,I will have a choice to make every day,that choice whether to throw my life at an event which is founded upon the random outcome of something I hold no control over, or to live life in the grounds of recovery,where the outcome of my life is not based on a punt,something again with all the forecasting in the world holds nothing more than a random outcome, living life by chance for twenty years reaped little more than complete misery,today recovery offers me something completely different.

That choice offers LIFE

something I embrace with all my worth.

Gambling holds nothing in my life today except the fact I choose not to partake in it in any form,a choice that gifts far more than any win ever could.

The buzz if there ever was one has been replaced by constant forefillment,constant rewards that I earn through gifting life all I have to give it.

That in a nutshell is 'recovery'

Embrace it,enjoy it

f**k the waste of time that is gambling offers nothing near what life in recovery gifts.

Today I am so pleased I got the opportunity to take it,truthfully it is on offer for anyone who wants it.

Today once again I am inspired.

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back

Morning diary

off to work shortly,a very busy day in the offing,a day in which I am refreshed by a deep peaceful sleep and raring to go.

I am gutted my dear friend Sandra went back at it,the doorway to escapism to tempting,I wish you well my dear friend,you are a true asset to have in my life,unconditionally I offer my support.

The network of support I have today is amazing,I speak to folk from here away from the forum,the fella's in my GA room are amazing and of course my family and work all to offer their support and understanding.

This comes I believe through living life as an open book,it offers me the ability to face forward,addiction,my compulsion to punt my life away made me a secretive,lonely lyer,it loved to make me ashamed to admit my losses and wanted me to keep it all a secret between us.

Well today the door is open,ok the Mike's of the world sit there in judgement,they throw stones whilst sat in their own glass houses,but in truth it really wont effect the outcome of my own life.

My life is mine to live,that today just for today the most important day I choose to live without wasting a single penny,second or thought on the futile act that for me would be to Gamble.

f**k it is a f*****g waste of time

To pitch your life upon the outcome of something you cannot control,all for what??

free money,the buzz??

It plain and simply does not exist

what would exist is the self loathing,lying,cheating and misery that comes in bucket loads

Well Mr addiction you can keep it

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler No bet today,

stepping forward never back

Morning diary

I love this forum,truly I do.

In fact I love recovery,it gifts my life in endless ways,it is never ending.

The price???

La nada,nowt,not a single penny,that is what today gifts my life in a fashion that gambling never did and f**k me I threw everything I had at the futile act that was my compulsion to gamble,actually I threw all I had and some!!!

So the sun is shining outside and in the feeling of unity shines like a beacon here on the forum,my dear friend Sandra found the courage to not give in,for that I salute you.

The newcomers are welcomed in the fashion I myself was welcomed in

My hope is they stick around long enough to see what is on offer.

Off to work shortly,world cup upon us to which I can't wait.

All this made possible today because I gifted myself 'life'

that is what is on offer

Abstain and maintain

My name is Duncs I am a compulsive gambler No bet today stepping forward never back

Duncs very nice positive post, i too love this forum and what i am learning. Today is 6 days or 7 not quite sure but feeling a little better. I am starting to understand or believe now i can be happy. When i read your posts i now understand what you mean by "gifted" with the feelings you have especially as they didn't get a penny off you. I will forever be grateful to this site and it's members. I am still a nervous wreck but dealing with it everyday. Fear is very much alive within me of failure or going back but i choose not too. I slept well last night and after reading this post i am going outside now to let the sunshine shine all over me im going to breathe and say i am a CG but today i will not gamble.

CasinoRoyaLoser

Hi duncs like casino am also early in recovery, but I too recognise what you appear to have been gifted or should I say gifted yourself. Your doing great duncs, don't ever get complacent, I have a feeling that would be unlikely with yourgoodself;-)

I too.am thankful for the members and helpful supportive posts on here, like a real little family looking after each other:-)

Certainly made me nof feel am as alone, and give me the belief I can beat this, seeing what's on offer, if in duncs famous words you

Abstain and maintain

Fitzy

I enjoy reading your diary btw, it shows me what life has in store for me with no gambling in it, good times.

Yes there will be sh@@ days and low days, and life may not.suddenly become amazing just because don't gamble.

I do know will be d**n site better and more productive than recent times in my life.

Fitzy

Morning duncs

I have to agree with fitzy, dropping by you diary gives a real feel good factor. With hard work and determination to get the good things out of life it is possible to leave gambling in the past.

It has no place in society. It has no place in a happy fulfilled life, for the gambler or their families.

Nothing worth having ever came easy if it did we wouldn't appreciate it.

So happy to see you appreciate all that surrounds you

Shelly

So...I take it you and the boys are fairly excited today Duncs? I know I am, I love the World Cup, and not worrying about a dead rubber group game and how many goals are in the game will make it even better! Don't need to bet to enjoy this feast of football, looking forward to tonight's game, and then a triple header tomorrow.

I've promised myself I'm not doing any evening overtime during the World Cup, and looking forward to seeing as much as I can. Next week my shifts are 8.30 till 4.30, and the first games start at 5pm, so a quick dash home every day.

Hope its all well with you mate,

Ryan

Evening diary

Thanks for popping by Ryan,yes we are looking forward to the football,as I have written this year is the first time the outcome of each game will not have a profound effect upon my life,the football will just be enjoyed for the sport it is.

So yesterday I got the first batch of my new medication,tomorrow I have to return to get more,my doctor said something which rang very true

he said 'sometimes you have to get sick to make yourself better'

My body functions but not in a good way it would seem,it will need various medication each day to function properly

f**k that sounds familiar!!!!

My brain did that for twenty years.

I understand it,I will listen and learn and make the changes to my life I need to,changes that will enable me 'LIFE' change I know today can be a good thing.

at 39 I am willing to learn,re-educate myself and move on with living life.

That life today is measured,there will be no random outcome,the outcome that gambling offers.

Gambling a f*****g waste of time and life,not just that of the gambler,but all to often those they profess to love.

to waste a second gambling would gift one outcome

MISERY

today I choose life

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hey Duncs,

thanks for you post on my diary, good to speak to you again although it feels a bit like a walk of shame, not too bad though, I have learnt a lesson and will use that in my choices.

I have only had a glancing look at your diary I will read many more over the coming weeks and months, but I remember you being a respected member of the forum. thanks again and take care.

Phil

Hi Duncs,

Only few words my friend; Thank you, your words on Saturday changed my wiev about this addiction completely. Very scary but very true - addiction will be here for life, but it can be arrested and you are great example of how it can be done.

Respect my friend, keep up the good work, you and your family truly deserves all the best in your future.

S x

Hi Duncs

Sorry to read you Are under the weather sure you will feel on top soon as you do with gambling

You are top man to me with your.continuing abstaining

on this unpredictable ride to happiness and peace which we can only get through not playing

You know the score and I say to you continue abstaining and maintaining

Best wishes

Suzanne x

Hi duncs

Sorry to hear your not feeling so good, never nice when the brain says one thing and the body does another.

I hope your on the up soon.

Your support for others is nothing short of outstanding, always there with the right words drawing on your own past to back it up with gusto.

I thank you for the words I read on screen whether it be your personal diary or someone's else's.

The world is a better place for having you in it.

Have a great weekend whatever you do

Shelly

Hi Duncs,

I was just writing on my own thread today about learning from our mistakes and getting healthy again by making the right choices in order to achieve balance. I'm glad you are on the path to feeling better and better with each new day on the inside and on the outside. You're doing it Duncan be proud! And with that said, I raise my cup of joe in honor to you sir. -joanxxx

Afternoon diary

So I have been relaxing,really gifting my body the chance for the medication to work it's magic,to have taken the doctors advice that if I don't look after myself nobody else will,that the real possibility that my body will not take the continued beating I give it.

This was quite sobering,with honesty I spent many years with the attitude that I would not make old bones that my life would be short,f**k a great deal of my relations have suffered that fate,but they I know did not have today's modern medicine,today's caring service available.

So today I take the advice,spoke to my gaffer,told him the score,he said 'get better' work will be here a plenty for you when you return,thats a good feeling,the effort I have given will be rewarded.

So I have a few days off,further visits to the doc's over the coming days,more medication to add to the ones I have started,but from all this I know that I want it,I want to take the advice,the help,the bottom line is I want the LIFE that is on offer.

f**k I could have left it too late,the clock was ticking,gambling blinded me from this,it stole my self care,my desire to live.

It left me bitter and twisted,it made me see things from a point of view that would in truth just have me believe that gambling was the only answer,well today I know that is total bull#s#hit, a life without gambling is a life worth living.

To not live your life on what is nothing other than a random outcome of speculating your hard earned on the outcome you have no hold over is f*****g stupid at best,futile and for the compulsive gambler true madness because that mantra will never change

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP

I am yet to find a single active compulsive gambler who has walked this planet who says

'help me I cannot stop winning'

To end I do frequently speak to folk who win each day

That is compulsive gamblers who turned it around,they took away the 'random' from there lives and enjoyed the new mantra

I DID WIN BECAUSE I DID STOP

enjoy it.

I do and will continue to,because today I made a choice

My name is Duncan McQuilken I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back