Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Hi Duncs - Have been catching up on your inspirational Diary and just wanted to say what a pleasure it is to read your words.

re. the bilious 'Mike' - it seems to me that he is the one with the problems and is trying to talk himself out of them by baiting you. What is that expression - 'Empty vessels make the loudest noise' .....?

Sounds like one very insecure man there, but as you say doing you a favour - his negativity just emphasising your positive take on life.

All the best to you,

Joanna

Evening Diary

thanks for the kind words ladies,I am humbled greatly by them,it is truly great to stand side by side with so many like minded folk,for me we are all equal,we all are fighting the common enemy in our lives 'gambling'

I feed off the amazing unconditional support I receive,it is the best medicine a fella could have,it is priceless, from the people who do understand first hand what total destruction we gifted our lives through the futile waste of time that is the random act of gambling.

It always leaves me thinking

Do I have to hate gambling??

That is a double edged sword for me,the truth is I can't hate it,I don't have it in me to hate anything,well except that is MARMITE!!! lol

I let my educated,well re-educated mind make an educated choice today.

Gambling is a act of blind faith,the outcome the gambler has no control over,it's outcome is random,there are always variables, then add that to the most important factor, I when gambling lose all rational thinking,I pursue loss through the compulsion to gamble on,I simply cannot stop until there is nothing more to give,then and even then I will not learn from the utter madness,I will simply lay dormant until the next episode,and then just repeat the cycle.

As I have written many times this act is progressive madness,futile and a total waste of not only all finances available but the time,which cannot be won back!!

So today I embrace the fact that I am 'IN' recovery, a life choice,an educated daily decision that I know without doubt will reward me.

that for me is the difference from being 'in recovery' and recovering, because all the time I was recovering I know that I was simply waiting for the financial situation to right itself so I could hit the self destruct button again,or even worse I waited for the signs of forgiveness from my beloved wife so I could again gamble upon it being given again.

That today I know the value of,the unconditional love which I won't gamble upon at any price,it really is priceless.

Today we recover as a family,we don't have to hate gambling because in truth it cannot hurt us any more,it waged it's worst,it really did break me,beat me into a shadow of my former self,it took all I had to give and continued to stand hands out waiting for more,it drove me to give up on any moral value,it was relentless in it's pursuit to continue it's non stop winning.

I admit defeat,I have no shame in those words

Gambling won.

The other side of the sword is life after defeat has led me down a new path,yes the devastation my selfish act brought has left big holes,I work hard to repair and repay the damage,that is part of my life 'in' recovery.

I accept I cannot change the things I have done,but unlike the twenty years I repeated the same mistakes over and over, today I learn from them,today my past makes my future brighter.

Yes the 'Mikes' in life try to knock my efforts,truth is I filled my glass to half full, they will never take a drop away, I refuse to let anything stop my relentless pursuit of life 'in' recovery

It is hard toil some times yes,but the results are plain to see.

It is what arresting the destruction offers

The key 'belief'

Nothing more than a belief in yourself,a belief in change,a belief that life will improve without wasting your valuable time on a futile act.

My wish to share the spoils with the wonderful folk who want to choose LIFE.

My name is Duncan McQuilken I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back

Morning

Woke up feeling so positive this morning and more than anything grateful. To you personally I think you for the words you have left on my diary last year and this

Your honesty has been inspiring. You faced your demons. Now I've faced mine.

Today life only gets better for me. No longer keeping one brain cell let alone a foot in the past.

I finally understand myself.

Thank you for everything.

Shelly

Morning Diary

Thanks for the kind words Shelly,life for me today is very rewarding,yes financially we are still behind the eight ball,we still pay more toward debt than we are left with of the hard earned but the fact that we are paying it is far better than wasting it on the act of gambling.

I catered a wake for a friend yesterday, her father-in law passed away and 100+ folk turned out to gift him the send off he deserved.

The best thing is the folk enjoyed the spread greatly,it was a hard graft but worth it and I accepted enough money in payment to today buy our youngest his season ticket at the hallowed Fratton Park.

I would have done it for free before but today I feel I earned it,I made all the food from scratch and put in about ten hours doing it,so this is a new learning too,it is no longer like I feel the need to offer my services for gratis,in some way I used to think I owed it to society,today I am happy to help out,to still gift folk savings by way of using my experience and contacts but still be rewarded financially for my efforts.

Off to work shortly,double day today to make up for my absence yesterday.

All done with a huge smile,an effort which I know will reward my life,gift it the ability to be lived.

Again a choice makes this possible

My name is Duncs I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back.

Hi Duncs,

I hope all around you realise just how special you are? Well to be honest, I have no doubt, they know.

A huge thank you from me for all the support you give to everyone.

I knew when I came back on here tail between my legs you would be one of the first to welcome me back.

From my heart Duncs......Thank You xxxxx

Evening Diary

Thanks for the kind words Sue,for me the gift that I was given unconditionally by many other like minded folk to me when I came on my knees broken to this amazing forum is something that has to be shared to show it's full value,for me everyone who admits that gambling is beyond their control stands together as equals,we all share the same outcome if we arrest the punt,the destruction and devastation and no self worth all give way to life.

Yes life will still carry the sh#it that we choose to ignore whilst at it,but that sh#it can be shoveled into the flower beds and from it things of beauty will grow.

Today I worked hard then got home to enjoy a super supper with my family and then we wandered over the hi#ll to watch the sun set over our beloved city,safe in the knowledge that today,just for today I accepted that gambling will play no part in my life,because simply it is a futile waste of not only time,effort and my hard earned but also it would create waves for those I hold dear.

Day off tomorrow,a bit of gardening on the offing and some baking all ignited by a relentless passion for everything that comes my way,no doubt the addiction that I live in harmony with will tap away with it's little toffee hammer bleating on about how much harmless fun gambling is,what a wonderful way to treat myself,oh and don't forget the buzz!!How can I live without it???

Well my old friend,you had all I could give,it was never enough to feed your greedy lust to be fed,in return I got f****d,mentally and financially.

I am glad you choose to occupy my mind,hopefully it means you may leave other folk to enjoy life without the destruction you bring

Today I live in harmony with addiction,I am learning how to harness my compulsive all or nothing nature to actually benefit me.

When I gambled it was all about 'you'

Today it is about a much bigger picture,one I enjoy painting each day.

The family I adore,the folk I have as friends,true friends and the amazing 'gamcare' family all stand by my side in the same quest

To live,learn and respect the opportunity we have been gifted

That is LIFE

MY name is Duncs I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back

Hi Duncan,

Sounds like another great day that being gamble free has handed you, your optimism and energy are amazing. I get home from work and barely do anything apart from watch TV and occasionally write a few articles.

Wish I had the determination to get more done, but there barely seems any time for anything else! Proud to stand next to you fighting this, and I'm also determined that the destruction isn't coming back into my life either.

Hope the gardening and baking went well, the weather clouded over here today after a good stretch of sunny days. I know they were sunny as I could see them through the office window!

The buzz? Nothing compared to a much better life without the gamble.

All the best

Ryan

Duncs,

As always I thank you. Looked in a mirror but not much smiles going on there...I know I will see that reflection of a person who can smile freely again..only hav to take it day at a time to get to that stage 🙂

Thank you my friend..thank you for everything

Take care

S x

Morning diary

Thanks for the kind words ryan

Sandra I know you will never give up giving up,I know you will succeed.

So the forum has seen the return of some names dear to my heart who have found themselves gambling again,it saddens me but in the same breathe gifts my resolve,my resolve to accept that gambling has no acceptance in my life,I will not be cashing in what I have today

Today is the most important day,as always

Yesterday I had a wonderful day,again made possible by making a choice

Tomorrow who know's??

I know this it will be made better by my choice today.

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler No bet today Stepping forward never back

Morning diary

well it would seem the bait has been attached to the hook so to speak,for me this is the writings of somebody who is simply looking for a argument.

Well today like gambling I fully understand it would be a total waste of my time.

Nice try

No cigar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Duncs,

Just dropping in to wish you all the best. Good to see you still so active - setting an example, and guiding newcomers along the way.

Keep it up mate

D123

Hi Duncs,

I really need to read up. I know now that diarys work...you are proof of that my friend. Whatever has peed you off mate turn the other cheek...you , me and everyone knows you are better than that.

Proud to call you and your family friends.

Womble xxxxx

Evening Dunc.

Hope this finds you we'll.

Enjoy the game,

Gazza

Evening diary

thanks for the kind words folks,they mean more than you can imagine,as for me the fact remains that the road to recovery is made by those who have traveled before us,it is maintained by those who walk it today and we are passing the map to it to the new folk who want to walk it,it is a never ending cycle,some deviate along the way,some stop for extra help,some carry other folks loads as they can manage them too,but everyone is heading the same way,that way is to eliminate gambling from their lives.

There for me are always a few elephants in the room,it is how I deal with them that is important for me,whether it is the forum's sponsorship or the words of other authors,my commitment to carry on with the journey will be unwavered,relentless.

Because I bare the fruits of my efforts,I want to share them,recovery has taught me to share,to have humility and to accept I cannot change the things beyond my powers to do so,but I can let the effects not spoil the harmony recovery has gifted.

So I will continue to share the good words passed to me,by folk who want recovery equally,I will continue to gift myself therapy through the GA room,a whole two hours a week,spent with like minded folk,compassionate men,honest men,men who ask nothing in return,most of all men who don't judge you for your own shortcomings,men who just simply walk the same road.

To a man none of them has forced anyone to attend,the room is a level playing field neither the fact that you may be a professional footballer,lawyer or the bank manager holds no elevation,your knowledge is treated with the same acceptance as me the humble cook.

The fella's with more continued abstinence are not given status, yes they are asked alot to share their own wisdom,but surely this how life works, evolves,we all learn from others,be it school,work,football pretty much everything we do is taught to us is it not??

Those fella's all share a common theme,they all walked into the room broken,the room offered the worn out tools it has to help mend them,unconditionally,you don't have to go every week,f**k you don't have to subscribe,there is no lecturn, after 12 weeks you can be elected chair!!!

oh the chair changes every week in my room,the power of the room is awesome,you can't get that in 3d form anywhere.

So if you want to attend GA then attend,if not then that's up to you,but why knock it,why make false statements about it.

I was so offended today that I sought the advice of a few other members of my own room,one a legal man,to find out if these defamatory remarks could be legally challenged

Why??

Because quite simply folks, GA the room that was again tarnished by the words of a man intent on knocking it for all he is worth,that room saved my life,I don't write those words lightly,I don't write them to do anything other than state fact.

So in the true fashion of the humility of my own GA room my fellow members would like to offer the author of this mornings statements to attend one of our meetings to discuss his views on where we are obviously going wrong on the path we choose,we would very much look forward to hearing the wise words of recovery,as we are and always will have an open and honest room.

I know we and I quote 'might be a bunch of gamblers meeting up for two hours(not 4 or 5 times a week) instead of gambling'

and our objective may seem alien to you,but surely as a fellow member quoted this evening 'surely that is the point of meeting/

?? To not gamble!!!!!! to support each other,to understand each other'

yes we rocognise time in recovery,but so does everyone,yourself included,so again I offer you to come share your wisdom,not write defamatory remarks about my choice of recovery.

Our room is Portsmouth GA meeting 7.30-9.30 pm on thursday night every week,it is located in Gamble road(ironic I know) somerstown, you like everyone else is more than welcome to attend.

Knowledge is a very powerful tool,me I seek it from everywhere.

I look forward to seeing you there.

Lastly I will write as instructed by my fellow members to do so,unfortunately there are no rituals,no cult figures,no pyramids,no leaders oh and no secrets about our room,just support,a friendly face and what is said in the room stays in the room.

I hope that may put an end to the remarks,and offer a true insight as to what the GA room offers.

Much like the wonderful support offered here to like minded folk,just in a 3d format.

My name is Duncan McQuilken I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back

Hi Duncs been reading a lot of your posts. What has peeved you off? im not following.

LW