Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Evening Diary

Joan and DF Great to hear from you both,we all three of us share a similar passion for life,long may our choices make it possible to embrace.

So on the way home from work today,sweating like a hog on a spit on my third t-shirt of the day lol,I rode across town to a supermarket we never use, Why??

The potential of saving 1.75pence on a case of dog food for the hounds,to which I would buy a couple to see us through the next couple of weeks.

I found the butcher stocking the reduced meat counter,lamb chops,lamb steaks,rump steaks,kidneys,diced beef and chicken supremes all for less than I could buy them commercially, so I filled my boots,took just about all he had to sell.

Got to the checkout,one of those self scan jobs and found that the already ridiculously cheap chicken was still scanning at a multi buy offer,gifting me a further two fifty off,meaning over a kilo of fresh chicken breast for three pound ten pence!!!!!

I ran back to the butchers counter and grabbed the other four packets!!! lol the lad looking after the self scan looked amused,I looked like a deranged kid in a sweet shop!!!

Seven bags full of goods balanced on my pushbike,six miles to walk home looking like a pack horse!!!! I gifted a few folk a laugh as they drove past,but inside I had the biggest smile

For less than 40 I filled the freezer up with about a months worth of dinners for us to enjoy,oh and when entering the shop I got a five pound off forty voucher!!!

Today my efforts to live a life that is frugal,a life where I watch the pennies,the pounds that way do care for themselves gifted me back in shovels!!

I rode past seven bookmakers on route to that shop,each and every one I am self excluded from,the efforts of previous journey's to ensure that the triangle works.

Roll the clock back 31 months and I simply would not have bothered,in honesty I would have just headed straight to the bookies,the outcome??

Well I would have been scratching around for those pennies to get by,survival,life lived day by day,no care for the future as I could not see one.

Tomorrow marks Sarah's last day of term,another school year gone by

I think I can smell a little bbq coming to the Mac house for supper

Couldn't think of a better way to start her well earned summer break.

Oh and that meat will sure taste that bit sweeter,knowing someone smiled upon my efforts today.

Today I choose LIFE

It is what the efforts of recovery offer

Please take it

Enjoy it

I relentlessly pursue it

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Some story mate,i had a few chuckles as I read through it there lol as you said the pounds sure do look after themselves. 🙂 glad you keep chosen to be a winner duncs mate.hope you have a nice bbq mate and dont eat all that meat at once lol take it easy fella 😉

Scottyboy

Thanks for making me smile Duncs...At a time when am finding it really hard to deal with things.

Got in my head a mad man with fuzzy hair cycling for all it's worth!

You continue to inspire my friend.

Enjoy the BBQ with your family.

Much love

Sue xx

Evening diary

Thanks for the kind words Sue,hey that wasn't you beeping was it lol!!!

Good lord it's hot,still you won't catch me complaining

Sarah and I had a fabulous evening,decided bbq can wait till the weekend,we had some stuff to use up in the fridge,so a couple of curries opted for,with all of us sat around the table

There is something special about family supper.

Something you cannot win in a bookies

But you can lose it,that's for sure!!!

Had a good therapy session with Sarah after,she did a great deal of talking tonight,I know one of her co-workers has started a relationship with an active compulsive gambler,somebody 30 months ago I stood next to on too many occasions.

I think the person knowing our situation through our open and honest approach to recovery was fishing for information and it triggered a form of angst in Sarah,understandable and something I embrace

BE HONEST

don't leave stuff from your gambling life in the closet,it will bite you on the backside,or worse gift addiction a door to creep through.

I chose not to waste a single penny on any forms of gambling today,even the lady who served me in the convenience store tried to sell me a lottery ticket to accompany my reduced english muffins!!

I said I was on a winning streak without waging a penny!!

She did not reply

My name is Duncs I am a compulsive gambler

No bet today

Stepping forward never back

Keep it going my friend , your doing great .

I have two main thoughts try to keep in mind the triangle you often mention. And also fact by not gambling we're true winner and gifting ourself a better life to ourselves and our family. I'll carry on being kind to myself hope you do to.

Yours is an inspirational story I will continue to follow .

All the best

Fitzy

Hi Duncs

How true don't keep gambling stuff in the closet cos it will bite you one day Thankyou again for gifting me with your words of wisdom

Made me smile with you catching the bargains something I do every day now it feels good doesn't it to know we are getting good deals when shopping instead of wasting our money recklessly and selfishly on gambling cos we could not even afford the deals then we had minus zero for anything

Wishing you a good gambling day free

Suzanne x

Hi Dunc's

Great posts as always. Nice to read how your enjoying a normal family life, meals round the table etc etc.

As for the lottery products. I find I often get a slightly quizzical look from shop staff if I say I don't gamble... its as if they are thinking "everybody does the lottery mate"... well I don't... and now ive got it into my thick skull that I don't want to try and win money anymore it becomes easier not to fall for the "its only a pound or two" or "it could be you" mentality. The fact is it won't be me because I don't want to be "in it to win it". I will stay away and buy myself a bag of apples instead 🙂

All the best matey... and thanks for your thoughts as always... S.A 🙂

Hi Duncan,

I've got to be honest, I don't think I've ever been offered a lottery ticket in a shop, maybe they think I look like I have plenty of other problems and don't want to add to it.

The barbecue and family dinner sounds lovely, living in a flat with no garden its one of the things that I don't really get to enjoy about the sunny weather.

Glad to hear its all going well with you, honesty certainly is the best way to deal with gambling, and your open approach to it is an inspiration.

Hope you're looking forward to a good gamble-free weekend. The aircon has been broken at work all week, so I'm looking forward to not being sweltering for 8 hours a day!

All the best

Ryan

Evening diary

Well it is hotter here today than yesterday,great for the kids who started there six weeks off,oh and all the ice cream vendors lol!!!

So today I have had a fantastic hour or so to myself,supper will come when the temperature lowers so I have navigated my way around the diaries,great to read the resolve of so many grows,the gift of abstinence really is amazing,yes the initial period of abstinence hard,addiction still has it's grip,it kids the addict that gambling is the solution.

Fact is for many of us gambling is the root problem,yes many ways and walks led us down the road to a compelling compulsion but when we are in the depths of addiction,it seems nothing is more important than funding the next punt.

After talking to my beautiful wife at length last night into the small hours I watched her sleep like a baby,contented,a little smile as she cuddled in.

she to recovers from my actions,my answering to addictions call for all those years thinking it was the answer,today I understand the feeling it gifted her,the loss of self esteem,the shame and the hurt,all that needs working through,to help her understand that my actions were one of an addiction,something we know will exist for the rest of our lives,but something we know each day we need to look at,square in the eye,we have control,that comes with a great deal of effort,but unlike the futile act of gambling that effort is rewarded.

Sarah went to a couple of charity shops today to stock up on books to read in her free time,nothing beats a good book,there is a couple for me to read to, in total a dozen books for less than a fiver!!

Life is a gift,one which is worth giving your all to,the rewards come in many forms

Today I thank the forum for gifting me in ways I will struggle to repay

To one and all I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Abstain and maintain

My name is Duncs I am a compulsive Gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back

Hi Duncs

Thanks again for your wisdom

When I first read this site before my diary I was still f****d up in my mind and I just could not understand your words gifting this and gifting that to be honest I thought what the hell is he on about

My god I know now exactly what you was on about and I cannot thank you enough for for your posts

I hope you don't mind me using the word gifting myself because I truly now know what it means and I will now be using it because I know now what I am doing every day I abstain I am gifting myself

Thanks Duncs

Suzanne xx

PS No probs today with the mikes of this world was nice as pie and congratulated me on last weeks performance I just smiled and talked about non work but he has been very nice to me throughout my shift CREEP xx

Thanks for kind words mate your a legend 😉 scottyboy boy going all the way this time. 😉

Scottyboy

Morning Dunc.

Hope this finds you well.

Weather is great isn't it?

It all helps.

Continued best wishes,

Gazza

Hi Duncs,

Remarkable that when we gamble we all think alike and when we abstain we all think alike.

This illness truly does have a process that we all have to go through and some may go through it at different stages, a bit like bereavement I suppose, but it is incredible that we can all relate to similar tales and feelings and get inspiration knowing if people like JamesP and Duncs and many others can recover then why can't we all? You have been a great source of encouragement and inspiration to a lot of people on this site and just for today I would like to thank you for helping me see and think differently in trying to beat this illness. My higher power certainly led me to read your diary of which I am truly grateful.

Thank you again Duncs.

Best wishes as always

Hope x

Evening Diary

thanks for the kind words once again I am humbled by them,there are many folk here who gift their recovery to others and in doing so preserve their own.

I like the no messing,give it to me straight approach myself,Daveuk has a priceless insight into the destruction of the fobt,which he shares freely and molehole in the same way gifts amazing knowledge of the destruction of this addiction both in a fashion I salute,no window dressing just straight off the bat.

The number of folk who gifted me what I know today is to many to write here,some are still around,others have moved on.

My message thanks to you all,I hope life treats you well.

No gambling for me today,another long hot day,to which I found time to catch my dear old friend in the market on his fruit stall,so the kitchen is full of peaches,apricots,plums,strawberries and cherries for us to gorge on,fanbloodytastic!!

A ten pound note well spent!!

Anything you spend your hard earned upon is better than throwing it at something that's outcome you have no control over.

GAMBLING = A TOTAL WASTE OF TIME

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Evening Diary

Well today has been a great family day for me,walked the hounds very early this morning over the hi##lls,watched them chase the rabbits until they could not run any more lol, then went out with my wife for a cycle to the next town did some window shopping,had a lardy cake and watched the local cricket team setting up for a match this afternoon,all in some glorious sunshine.Tonight we had a bbq as planned,just the family,bliss,we ate some of the bargains from the other days shop and my Sarah enjoyed a few pear ciders,me I had a glass of orange,funny I can't remember the last alcoholic drink I had,I just don't seem to fancy one,there is beer and cider in the fridge,I just don't want it,don't seem to want to take from the natural high life gifts my mental state at present.

Then we sat and watched another thrilling game of darts,Mr taylor I doff my cap to you fella,another amazing performance,a 105 three dart average,outstanding!!

All in all a good day

One thing at the back of my mind,eating away,not the want to punt,the want to know that life treats two authors of the forum to living.

Stephen2105 from the recovery diaries and Raz from the overcoming problem gambling thread have both left my mind in turmoil,they both talked in real terms of taking their own lives,Why?? because of gambling,their compulsion to gamble has led them to a place where they last posted about taking there own lives.

That tinges my mind,saddens me,has me formulating how to reach them

Why??

Because for me,gambling and all the shi##t it brings us is not worth LIFE

it already stole too many of them through our combined years of gambling,in real terms

I hope to read from them,until then life will roll on,the bottom line is I can only be accountable for my own life,I hope they find it within to do so with theirs

My thoughts are with you both

You are not bad people,you deserve LIFE

Duncs stepping forward never back

No bet today