Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Hi Duncs

Thankyou for your post means a lot

It's great that your son is supporting you in this way you must be very proud of him

He must love you and RESPECT you very much

And that what life is really about loving and respecting our loved ones

You are doing great keep maintaining and abstaining

Suzanne x

Evening diary

anyone reading this who thinks that good will come out of any gambling activity do yourself a favour read STEPHEN2105's thread

That is what gambling does to you.

Stephen fella I hope you find help and take it,or you will be just another sad statistic of this f*****g,shi##tty,ba#st#ard,a#r#se#hole of an addiction.

It will take all you have to give and turn it's back until you break.

Gambling is a total waste of time,money and all too often life.

Tonight I pray for your recovery,f**k I would give my own to you if I could

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hi Duncan,

May I join the others in praising Joe, it isn't just us gamblers that come out of the journey as stronger people once we are in recovery, it looks like he has too.

I hope the evening goes well, I'd have loved to attend, but the few feet that it feels like when we talk online is hundreds of miles out there in the real world. Your optimism and overwhelming zest for life that recovery has granted is an inspiration.

I'm never sure if I seem to miss all the controversies on the forum, or if I just don't realize they are controversies and assume its just standard debate about where we have been and how we are each finding our own path through.

Anyhow, all the best mate, and hope this weekend is a great gamble free one for you.

Ryan

Morning Diary

Thanks Ryan,always great to have you alongside me in our quest to live a better life.

So the forum brought it all crashing down last night,I had walked the hounds after a busy and truly testing day,the heat stifling,draining,came in and logged on to the forum.

I read Stephen's thread and felt strangled,alone,helpless,sad,angry all in the space of a minute.

I spoke to my Sarah,she read the post,cried and we sat numbed.

WHY?? I don't know this fella,I shouldn't be this bothered,or should I ??

Funny because my evening's thoughts before reading the forum were whether to have a strawberry or raspberry jam on the scones I baked!!!

To read that a fella not even 30 yrs young is considering celebrating his upcoming birthday with suicide is nothing short of sickening,that in this world we live in,we are supposed to be a caring,developed country,one full of opportunity and promise.

One which would leave a fella,not even in his prime considering taking his life.

Why??

Because he is a gambling addict,not a murderer or criminal,just an addict like me.

Alone and cast aside by the world.....

That sounds familiar,f**k that was me,I walked in those shoes

Stephen2105 had a profound effect on my life yesterday,because he brought it all home,his words rattled around my thoughts all night,the electric storm not distracting the facts on offer.

The compulsion to gamble knows no bounds,it will comsume you,it will take the life from you,it will live within you until it has bled you dry,then just move on,leaving you forgotten.

I thought about all those folks that here and in the Ga room that had an effect on my life,my journey,all those folk who posted,invited me to take their pain away and seek a better life,some still here many gone without trace.

I wonder are any of those folk just another statistic,another sad memory of what the compulsion to gamble will eventually bring.

So the relentless pursuit of recovery last night for me further ignited,I will leave no stone unturned in my quest to share it's power.

Recovery is a gift,a medicine that is on offer,you just have to keep the lid off the bottle.

Stephen2105,fella I hope you find peace in your own mind,it is never too late,never give up on yourself.

Me I won't ever give up.

Because we are all worth much more than throwing our lives away on CHANCE.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hi Duncs

What a strong and sober post to which I have replied on my own diary by mistake and I have not learnt how to copy and paste on here on my IPAD yet

Again I will say I am pleased you are treating yourself today by maintaining and abstaining

Suzanne x

Cheers for support on my thread mate,mark my words no more gambling for me mate.just watch the bet free day rack up 😉 am done with the s**t. Always good to see yourself still here doing well to. Take it easy duncs

Scottyboy

Hi Duncs,

Just read your post from this morning. Sobering indeed..Very scary cause surely know how wanting to end your life feels like. This addiction eats us alive, it takes away all the qualities we have and leaves us empty. It is sad reality.

Human beings has much fight in them, and we have to keep fighting against all the negatives in our lives. We are good people and reaching for the top. f**k top, middle is enough as long as we have peace with ourselves.

I thank you for your texts today. Something that kicked my back side and made me to stand up once again. Something what brought me belief and determination to fight on back...something priceless. Thank you

Be proud and keep making the right choice

Take care

S x

Hi Duncs,

Just read the last part of your dairy and it is so true how detructive and progressive this illness really is.

I thank the likes of yourself who are so commited to recovering from this vile addiction and also for remaining so vigilant and guarded. It doesnt matter how long it is since our last bet but we are all the same distance away to what could be a potentially fatal bet for us CG's. I admire you for constantly reminding us of that and for your continued support.

Best wishes as alway's.

Hope x

Evening Diary

Well I learnt something tonight,that your credit rating can effect your job prospects?? after reading r1ck's thread I was amazed to find this out.

f**k I really am a mechanical man in a digital world!!!

I have been fortunate to have spent a life being employed for my culinary skills and not my financial status!! Wow I would have spent a life searching for employment I feel if that was the case!! my credit score must be in tatters!! I don't really care for what it is,my hard earnt is enough to facilitate the bills and follow the debt repayments and Sarah's salary enough to gift us a lifestyle that is pleasant at worse.

The sad reality is there would have been enough to facilitate dreams had I not thrown them to addiction,the futile waste of time that is the act of gambling.

Life is about learning,today again I respect what I have,I know how best to keep it.

Abstain and maintain.

No bet today,why would I waste my effort and hard earned on that f*****g waste of time and all to often life!!!

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hi Duncs

Thanks for your support I really do appreciate it

Yes why should we waste our hard earned money time and lives on this ridiculous addiction

It simply would be utter madness to do do

Keep abstaining maintaining and winning

Suzanne xx

Evening Diary

Great to see two new diaries upon the forum written by folk still at a tender age where life will with recovery not be one of huge financial regret that is party to long term gambling addiction

I wish you both well,may abstinence gift your lives the way it has mine.

Had a walk earlier with the hounds and a fella from my GA room,great to see what abstinence gifts for hard graft,his daughter at uni,he has just bought her first car for her and recently moved into a brand new build of a house with his lovely family,now into his fifth year of abstinence he has learned a great deal and by forty his gambling life will be a footprint of his past,though great to see he still attends the room once a month or so,in his words to gift back to the place that 'saved his life'

One of our room is approaching 30 yrs gamble free,he still attends because he never wants to forget the misery gambling waged upon his life and as we spoke today we both shared the same 'Smile' that this fella does when he sits in the room,he comes alive when folk embrace recovery,he is a real joy to be around,we plan to throw him a huge party,one in which we will remember a fella lost to illness,cancer,something he gave the same fight to he gave his gambling addiction,but a battle he sadly lost(r.i.P Dave)

Both these fella's had the same mantra in the room,that was they attended because 'what if everyone had taken all they needed for themselves in recovery and decided they needed the room no longer??'

What would happen to the new fella who walked in needing the same help they were gifted??

This humbles me greatly,because I know what they gifted me,LIFE,f**k they must have helped thousands along the road to recovery,all for the sake of their own commitment to recovery,never half ars#ed or too tired,always there to offer the words of kindness.

Those words like mine here by their own admission not there own but the words handed to them by the folk that gifted them recovery.

I am the guardian of those words,the power of those words a culmination of many folks recovery,as a custodian of such knowledge I am compelled to pass them on as often as I can.

I will continue to be inspired by those fella's to share my own learning's and in the same breathe never stop learning myself.

I am not religious,funnily nor are they,the spinning wheel was the only god I have ever prayed to and what a futile mis-placement of trust that proved to be.

As today like any other day in recovery I am blessed with the knowledge

GAMBLING IS A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME

Right off to walk the hounds in the cool of the hi#ll whilst enjoying the beauty of my city and the wonderful thoughts it has bestowed upon me.

GA again I thank you,you did save my life

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hi Duncs,

Love coming to your diary for some quality words...never fails to make me think.

Believe it or not...You my friend are right up there with the people that inspire you....Have you ever thought Duncs about all the people YOU inspire?

Much Love as always to Sarah and the gang

Sue x

Evening Diary

Thanks for popping by sue,glad I help in your continued recovery,long may it continue,for life in fact.

I read today on a thread that gambling made a fella the life and soul of the party,without the act of gambling in his life he struggles to communicate,that gambling made him a better person.

That statement made me think long and hard,I wandered alone for miles tonight with my hounds,enjoying the cool,the solitude,returning home to enjoy my beautiful Sarah's company and some lovely tea and cherry cake,we chatted about our days,smiling contented.

The thing for me is gambling has a profound effect on my personality, it strangles it,it kills me from within,it deadens my passion for anything except the act of gambling.

I become withdrawn from everything unless it will enable me to gamble,I formulate,work on ways to deceive the world,I become bitter towards life,other folks good fortunes are the results of my bad fortunes,I in short become intollerable.

When I am in recovery as I am now I embrace everything with great gusto,I want to help,listen,add value where I can,in short I want to live.

Warts and all life without gambling offers such great pleasure's,in small things that often gambling would have blinded me to.

Yesterday myself,Sarah and our Joe watched a film 'Bruce almighty' we howled with laughter but at the same time bought into the message,something whilst gambling I simply would not be interested in,as you can tell by the age of the film!! lol

There is so much I want to do,so many things in life I can do.

Why why why would I gift the chance of doing all those things to throw it all at something I don't have any control over the outcome of,and even if it comes in I would just simply throw it all in again

GAMBLING IS A TOTAL WASTE OF TIME

today I am so glad the honorable Robbybox gifted that knowlege to me.

Thankyou my friend

My name is Duncs I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back

Hi Ya Duncs,

Another great post and no words were ever truer my friend. Gambling addiction does kill us from within and deadens our passions. Thanks for your words. Like good medicine and well taken. -joanxxx

Too right, when the old monkey brain takes over I lose all my humanity.

I prefer this me and just know your family prefer this you, it leaps from every diary entry.

xxx