Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Hi Duncs

I know this 2014 challenge is important to you

Well done for keeping Flaggs thread going

I hope to join it next year

You have put a big smile on my face this lovely sunny morning by writing on a thread saying how does a CG become a millionaire, by starting off as a billionaire

Have a great gambling free day stepping forward never back

Suzanne xx

Hi duncs thanks for your support and kind words on my dairy.listening to you and ready your dairy has really helped me stay gamble free along with going to my ga meeting every mon I can make it.the guys there are like yourself truly amazing people who say it as it is because like me have been sick of being sick.thanks again mate.take care

Scottyboy

the truth about that 3% or whatever figure on success depends on everyone wanting to stop gambling

when i first came on here stopping gambling wasn't my target

this place and all the other help can only work if i want the help and use it right

keep going and thanks

tri

Hi Duncs,

Wanted to come by and thank you for caring and all the support. I did accept that link and funny enough i wasn't even aware i hav an account created there lol..ohhh..life is full of surprises.

Take care, keep moving on, stay strong, determined and happy. You are doing it man, b proud!!

S.x

Evening diary

Thanks for the kind words folks,those words of support help to keep me on the right side of the road on my journey.

Triangle I write about that 3% statistic because it is a wonderful tool in my armory in the battle to remain in recovery.

Because I totally agree you have to want recovery more than you want to gamble for abstinence to have any chance of being maintained,but I am an addict,I face addiction every day,my compulsion to gamble comes knocking every day. It comes in many forms,it tries to use my every emotion to get me to takes it's invitation to place that first punt,it wants me back,I hold no doubt it will for the rest of my life.

Knowledge is a wonderful thing,so is power,but the two I know have to be respected.

I read bornagains account of his recent relapse and knew that could so easily be me.The complacency of being in recovery for a prolonged period,the habits that reform themselves,the temptation becomes something that is actually possible to act upon,that act of gambling becomes physically possible and the clock starts ticking,addiction finds victory,it breaks through the barriers.

I know I am weak to it's charms,I know that because for twenty plus years I answered the call of addiction,I threw all caution to the wind,no matter how repeatedly and savagely it beat me up I would run back into addictions arms,the result always the same.

The false promise of a win,the self harming through relentless gambling and the lying,cheating,stealing to cover the shame of yet another loss.

So what is different today?? I know that question is asked a great deal,I see it in my Sarah's eyes at times,I see it in my own eyes when I look in the mirror.

Today I can honestly say that I know when I am having a bad day,a day when I am weak in my mind,a day when addiction would be able to take the reigns.

Those days I log on here,read and type gift my resolve.

I will stick around home,I will avoid shops that sell lottery products,I will carry only the money I really need,above all else on those days I will speak to Sarah,the kids,my boss anyone who needs to know I am having a day when Addiction is holding a hammer bigger than the toffee hammer it holds today.

I am safe in the knowledge that self exclusion means that my nemesis the fobt is never an option but gambling does present itself in so many forms.

My compulsion is not prejudice,it will take on any form of gambling.

So today again I do understand what it means to live in harmony with addiction.

This I fully accept is the best life 'in recovery' can be.

For it today I am more than grateful.

Thanks to this forum it remains possible.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

No bet today,no bet since 31/10/2013.

Hey there duncmac - I appreciate ur offer of support. If your happy enough to pass your info I will certainly get in touch as an extra post to lean on. And in time when I'm stronger I will be in a position to help you I would hope !!

Evening Diary

Well I have just ground out two very long days at work,the gaffer slipped a few extra notes my way for my effort and the hours will continue through the next couple of weeks,good news for the bank balance and it will mean we can make the best of our reorganization of rooms in the house.

In my past life the additional work would have meant I would have 'treated' myself to a trip to the bookies,a trip which would have left me seathing,self loathing and potless.All the extra effort for nowt except the self gifted mind f**k that was the only constant.

today life in 'recovery' is the polar opposite of my gambling life.

It is what is on offer to each and every one of you.

You will find life 'in recovery' never give up on the goal.

f**k it took over twenty years to see we the compulsive gambler actually don't need to wage a penny to win.

A rare quality.

It's knowledge 'priceless'

You cannot value it,it can't be out priced

Enjoy it.

Duncs stepping forward never back

No bet today

Great words as ever dunc, so glad your diary is here as if ever I have doubts I know that reading this will put me back on the right path. All the best with your room reorganisation and maintained abstinence.

I realise none of us can allow ourselves complacency but you really do sound like you have a handle on this. Always very inspiring to read your diary.

I completely understand what you mean about "in my past life I would have treated myself". That was my mind set too, so strange to think about "treating" yourself to gambling given the aftermath feelings, but that was exactly the way I viewed it at the time. Daft really when you think you might as well be saying "... so ill treat myself to repeatedly slamming my head in a car door", as thats about as much enjoyment pound for pound.

When you mention "past life", this also resonates in general now. As I was saying to Gav, I think it really is a mindset you have to achieve (and it helps me to think this way). Gambling is now no longer a viable option in my head, its something I USED TO DO, not something I can choose to do now - I need to establish in my mind that its something resigned to history.

Anyway. Im rambling but, as always thanks for the wise words and please keep posting.

Best Regards,

FM.

Morning diary

Well the working week continues,another busy day yesterday and two more to follow.

Monday off happy days!!!

So sunday roast will be Monday roast lol!!

No gambling for me,no time and without doubt no want to answer to the little fella in my head who persists in tapping away with his toffee hammer

Except

Why would I gamble to stake my hard earned on something which the outcome I have no control over and even if I win,it is a very temporary financial gain which is paid back in shovels!!

So f**k you you waste of time,money and life!!

Today I choose life

Today I choose to win

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Morning Diary

A very quick dip into my diary before a brisk walk with the hounds who are eyeing me from the end of the bed eagerly awaiting there morning run,lol more so they are thinking ah ha we can go out and have that whole side when we get back lol!!

So work again,a seven day week completed safe in the knowledge that not a single penny will be wasted.

Funny because tiredness used to bring an arrogance,an avenue for addiction to lead me straight down,the nobody gives a f**k about you,go on treat yourself!!!

Well monsueir addiction I will!!

I will allow myself a lay in tomorrow,I will eat a delicious steak and frites supper tonight,I will even stop by the expensive deli and purchase some of those Madigascan peppercorns to make a sauce with.

This week we will be able to purchase some furniture for the bedrooms.

All these things the rewards of extra graft,yes debt is paid through my wages,I still have debt from my gambling life I honor,but the extra graft means extra wedge to enjoy.

Not to throw at chance,not to wage upon something of which the out come I hold no control over the result but I do know what would be the result

Loss,loss of mind,finances and self respect.

So today I will carry my aching limbs with a huge smile

Because I made a choice.

Yes Fallen man I do have a hold of addiction,the tables turned there full circle

I did win because I did stop

Recovery offers this,you have to want it more than a meaningless punt

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Oh and to boot Mike has moved onto pastures new!!

So more things that bring great joy to life that cost nothing!!! Happy days!!

I enjoy your diary dunc. Im sure people who read this are really benefitting from it.

Enjoy your walk and your day.

Mba

Hi Duncan,

Well done on continuing to poke gambling in the eye, and all the extra work will pay off when you get to see those new items of furniture and the difference they make to your home!

Hope the dogs had a good walk, and onwards and upwards without Mr Negativity!

Ryan

Hey Duncs,

Fantastic to see you keeping on 🙂 thank you so much for everything, i am learning to walk once again and your support was something i will never forget.

Just thank you(getting tears in my eyes and no need for that lol lol)

S x

Evening diary

Thanks for the kind words folks,we are sharing something truly amazing here,we are the guardians of something truly special,we have to care for it,nurture it,hand it to newcomers like it was handed to us.

Recovery is a gift,something we can only gift to ourselves through our efforts to face up to addiction and take control of our lives in doing so.

Today has been a marvelous day off,pottered about all day,my body crying out for rest,it got it,for good food,it got it, roasted pork with cauli cheese,spuds,broad beans,stuffing and some local carrots. All washed down with a very special glass of claret,then a rhubarb crumble and cream.

The second drink I have had in four months,I am learning to enjoy alcohol again,not to use it as a means of escape.

I fully understand what Captain46 wrote about many times,that replacing one addiction with another is not the answer,especially when it is for escapism.

I have spent a great deal of my life escaping,at 15 I found Cannabis, used it to the point where it really effected my life,then moved on to alcohol, by twenty I was regularly drinking a bottle of scotch a night,then throw gambling in the pot,a new form of escapism,one which side effects can be masked,f**k the main side effect is financial,easy to hide,we become masters of it don't we!!

What was I escaping???

For all the life I can remember I tried to escape from myself,I was never happy in my own skin,always trying to be someone else,from the village idiot to the guy who would fight anyone,I have walked them all.

Why??

Because I did not want them to step into my world,my world I wanted to step out of.

I had a lovely email today from a member of the forum,we exchanged details recently and in the email they wrote about having a friendly voice out there,someone to talk to,as there is a terrible feeling of being alone.

Those words are for me without doubt true.

for a great deal of my life I have felt alone,even in a room full of people,my first thought is to run,I look for an exit first.

So drugs and alcohol made the social environment bareable,gambling meant I could escape into another world alone,to run from life,to live whatever pipe dream I was pretending to live that day.

f**k I lived a great deal of them,always promising myself this,that and plenty of the other!!

What did I get??

Isolated.

Through recovery I am learning to enjoy what I have to give,I enjoy what I receive,most of all I don't want to run away.

For the first time in my life I want to see things through to the conclusion,from work to life at home I want to see the results of my efforts.

For the first time in my life I really do actually believe I belong,I don't think I am not good enough for my beautiful,amazing wife,today I understand the value,the true value of marriage,the true value of friends and being honest.

Today I really want to live,I do believe recovery has gifted it to me,it is what is on offer

Take it,tailor it to work for you.

Most of all

ENJOY IT

Abstain and maintain.

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler

No bet today

Stepping forward never back